I won’t tell you what I did, because I’m embarrassed. But I’ll tell you something: I made a bad choice and gave into a… teenage desire.
No one but me was really involved.
Originally posted by pesch: "Listen to 'em Speaker, and wash out that “one true friend” bullshit. That’s for 18-year-olds coughcoughlikeioncewascoughcough "
Yeah, but last time the subject of age came up, Speaker said he was 15. 
Speaker, you have the right to your privacy and all, but right now we are all assuming that you jacked off into her underware drawer while she was in the bathroom. And even if you did, well, that’s pretty rude (mostly because of the mess), and a little freak–would be a lot more freaky if you were a little older–but still dosen’t excuse her behavoir towards you.
This girl is bad news. Being around her is turning you into a person you don’t like. You would be best served to cut off communication entirely, but if you can’t do that, you need to be around lots of other influences as well. Is it possible for you to get a summer job landscapping?
Manda… that’s actually worse than what happened, but along the same vein.
Let me guess - you killed a kitten or two while thinking about her?
Speaker, honey, I am not going to pry here, but I do wnt to use this opening as a chance to get onto my soapbox.
[pulls out soapbox]
There is nothing “disrespectful” about being sexually attracted to a woman. I don’t care what happened and it’s none of my business, but if all that is happening is that she found out you lust after her, then she is trying to make you feel guilty and ashamed over something that is natural and normal. Now then, if you actually were masterbating in any room in her house except her bathroom (and if, in the bathroom, you left a mess), then she has a right to complain. That sort of behavoir can make someone feel threatened and stalked. But if the issue is that she found out you jerk off at home while looking at her picture, or if she noticed you had a hard on while you two were watching Ali, or anything along those lines, than she is being ureasonable.
You might ask yourself why being attracted to a woman is “disrepectful”–it harkens back to a time when sex was seen as something “dirty” and when women who liked sex or who reminded people of sex were considered to be dirty, tainted, and sinful.
Lastly, even if you were masterbating into her underwear drawer while she was in the room, this would not be the end of hte world: it would just be something stupid you did when you were 15. I will tell you that obsession grows with proximity, and that if you want to get your head on straight you need to spend large chunks of time away from this girl and anyone who knows her. Again, a diffucult, physically taxing summer job would be the perfect solution.
Manda, I think most people aren’t quite so liberal as you, unfortunetly. I’m stuck probably without any friends…
Speaker - ok, when I was 15, I probably wouldn’t have wanted to know that. And if you don’t have a romantic relationship with another person, it’s not necessarily a good thing to tell them to their face.
OTOH, I would be hurt if my boyfriend didn’t ever fantasize about me when he cough had fun cough. And I would be highly flattered if other Dopers told me such a thing.
I agree with Manda Jo, and I think that you will find most mature people with a healthy attitude about sex will agree.
I’m curious - just exactly how did this come up in the conversation? Did you mention it, or did she ask?
Speaker, this happened last year to someone I know, who is only a little older than you. Apparently he upset his best friend because he expressed concern about her drinking habits, and she was never going to forgive him for it, ever. He was as broken up about having “ruined” his friendship as you are.
Remembering what it was like to be a 17 year old girl, I advised him that she was probably overreacting, and that fact would soon enough occur to her. He should just leave things alone until she came to her senses. They didn’t talk for a couple of weeks, which was rough on him of course, but she eventually got over it and apologized for blowing things out of proportion.
Give it some time, she’ll probably forgive you, once she’s had time to think rationally about whether what you did could have been misinpterpeted. Then, you’ll have to be the bigger person and be more readily forgiving.
Let me guess, erection while in her presence and she noticed? Or even worse while her father was in the room as well?
Next time wear baggier pants. ~_~
If that’s the case I have to weigh in with a “whoop-de-shit!” If she did notice she was obviously looking for it. (Or you took it out to show her.) I’m 31 years old and can honestly say I’ve never noticed if a guy was sporting wood or not. (Well with his clothes on, obviously.) Guys get horny and have boners. Sometimes they jerk off. Women get horny as well but it’s not as noticible – then they usually jerk off too. That’s life. Teenage boys think about sex and do stupid things. That’s why the movie American Pie was so popular. You aren’t the first guy this has happened to by a long shot and you surely won’t be the last.
There are billions of people in this world who might want to actually be your friend and NOT treat you like crap. Don’t waste your time on people jerking you around. Move on and tell your new friends “man, you wouldn’t believe what happened to me this one time!” They’ll probably slap you on the back and say “dude, the same exact thing happened to me once!”
IMO the best advice so far. My wife used to play the “you mean you don’t know?” game and not talk to me until I stopped putting up with it. You want me to change then tell me what you want changed, in the absence of you telling me what upsets you I will assume everything is OK until further notice.
NP: Amon Amarth - The Crusader
Do yourself a favor, and save this thread. Just save it to a file and tuck the file somewhere safe.
Look back at it in, say, ten years.
As for the here and now, listen deeply to every word Manda JO says (pretty good life advice in general there, I think).
Well. Jane has decreed a verdict (put forth by her sister): She doesn’t want to talk to me or do anything social with me (ie see me) until I get over her. Does she know how to tell when I’m over her? No. Since ya know, ‘getting a girlfriend’ is no good measure, or I won’t speak to her for ages…
Oh well. She seems to be enjoying life without me.
I agree with Manda Jo. You need a good hard labor job, preferably outdoors. The summer will pass by unbelievably fast, and before you know it, you won’t think of her at all.
I can understand her feeling threatened by your behavior if indeed you masturbated in her house. I can also understand her wanting distance. You need to give it to her IN SPADES. If you try to pressure her into seeing you, it may only make things worse. Take some time, let things cool off, and wait for her to come around.
Distance is no problem. I only have one class with her, and she seems to have told several of our friends, so none of them will have anything to do with me either.
Damn, Speaker. There was no need for her to tell your friends.
Well, there are several ways to handle this:
a. ignore them all and make new friends
b. admit to them all that you did it, and that it was a dumbass thing to do, but you can’t undo it
c. admit to them all that you did it, and that you don’t think it’s a big deal
d. Laugh at the whole situation. Keep the friends who will still talk to you, but force yourself to cut your losses and move on.
I’m sure there are other ways of dealing, but these came first to my mind.
Do you think you could do any of those? Have you considered a potential plan of action?
A) If they know, everyone knows.
B/C/D) No matter what I do, if they know it, I’m screwed. People at my school still have it out for a guy who did something only slightly more perverted than I… in Grade 6.
I’ll just have to get used to working, playing (no pun intended) alone, again.
And just FTR, I think she was justified in telling my friends. I deserve it.
They all masturbate too. Remember that.
Really? A boy at my school molested a mentally retarded boy in the school bathroom, and he was back in the clique within weeks. Weird.
Well, at least you still have your sense of humor.
Here, I’ll tell you something embarrassing about me. When I was a freshman in college, I masturbated in my dorm room, sitting at my desk, while my roommate was in bed asleep…except she wasn’t asleep. Right after I finished, she said, “Can you please go to bed now?”
And that, as Don Henley would say, was the end of my innocence.
:rolleyes: