Well, 364 days after the whole mess started, the divorce date is next Tuesday. I don’t even know if my soon to be ex will show up. It’s an uncontested divorce, so he isn’t obligated to be there since I’m the one who filed (which actually makes no sense since he’s the one who wanted the divorce, but I digress). Anywho, any advice for the big day? I’m wondering how I should act towards him, should he show up. Also, my sister has volunteered to go with me. But part of me says I should do this solo. And most important, what should I wear? (Eve, should you read this, I feel I should model my behavior on Bette Davis).
Should he show up, be civil. No one scores points for being a shit. You had a relationship and it didn’t work out. It is now over. If he wants to get ugly, ignore him. Show him that you’re an adult. Take the high road.
Be prepared to feel a little sad. You once felt that you loved this man enough to be married to him. You invested alot of energy in the relationship and it is only natural to feel a little pang of regret.
I compared it to reading a book. My relationship with my ex-wife was a book that had a beginning, a middle, and then it ended. My divorce was the act of closing that particular book. I still have a relationship with her (we’re actually much better friends than we were spouses), but I don’t have THAT relationship with her.
As to whether to take your sister, that’s up to you. Going by yourself may be a little nerve-wracking (I don’t know the exact process in your state), but at the end of it you’ll be able to say “I did it by myself. I’m stronger for it.”
As to what to wear - that depends on your attitude. I recognized the formality of the situation and wore a suit. It wasn’t a day to celebrate, exactly - so I didn’t wear festive stuff. Neither was it a funeral. Just a formal occassion.
I didn’t have to go to court when I got divorced but I do think you should dress up and wear business attire when appearing in court. Just MHO.
If your (soon-to-be) ex does show up, be civil to him. You don't have to make conversation with him but if he decides to talk to you, be nice. If he gets shitty with you, walk away. Just because you were married doesn't mean that you *have* to be friends after your divorce. If it weren't for the fact that my ex and I have a daughter together I'd never see him or talk to him again. He's just not someone I care to be friends with but I'll be nice to him for my daughter's sake.
As for your sister coming with you… she might be a good support system after everything’s over and done with. Having her there isn’t going to mean that you’re weak, it just means that you have someone who really cares about you and wants to be there for you… and that’s a good thing.