In this threadphouka describes the scenario of a divorced couple essentially still living together. Yeah, he pays rent to the ex, but at the end of the day it sounds like they are under the same roof. Now this idea is at once intriguing and suspect to me. I guess I might have known one or two people who lived in this type of arrangement, hell I’ve kicked it around a few times myself as the best answer to a number of issues I have with splitting up.
Now it seems to me, in my limited understanding of things, that if I were to say to a bonnie lass, “Well, she and I are divorced but we still live togther.” That I will immediately be battling her “CAD!” reflex. Is this not the case?
So, questions: Are you familar with this kind of an arrangement? What observations can you share from the perspective of either of the divorced couple or “the new date?” And how common do YOU think this is?
I know of one couple who did this. The woman was mildly disabled and they had a teenage daughter. One assumed they would end this arrangement when the daughter was old enough to live on her own … but I never heard one way or another and it’s been several years now.
I know of two other couples who are not divorced, yet live in separate households. At least one of the couples spend several days together, then go back their separate ways, periodically.
Hearing of these three instances led to to the conclusion that there is a wide range of ‘normal’ and what may seem bizarre and intolerable to one person is the most workable solution to the next.
I personally know a couple who divorced shortly after their first child was born. They moved back in together a few months later, to save on expenses don’t ya know, and the second child was born about 9 months later.
To my knowledge, they haven’t dated others, and they haven’t remarried and don’t plan to.
I know of two other couples who have divorced and are now living together, but they are, shall we say, swapping bodily fluids.
Apparently it’s more common than I would have thought, but still a small sample size. I dunno, whatever floats your boat, or what Ellen Cherry said.
For myself, Inigo Montoya’s example, “Well, she and I are divorced but we still live together,” would get the man in question a speedy rejection and figurative boot to the head.
One of my brothers-in-law has been divorced for over 20 years but he and his ex still live together and act in all ways as if they were married. If you ask them, however, they will tell you they are happier not being married. Whatever suits them, suits them.
My mom’s best friend has been divorced for several years, and to my knowledge, her and her ex-husband have never lived apart. They have a daughter who is now 12 or so, and they are best friends, but I have often wondered how that all works out (especially now that she’s remarried and they’re all 4 living together). It’s either the healthiest or the most screwed up relationship I’ve ever seen - I’m not sure which.
My husband’s grandmother was divorced from his grandfather for many years. Then when they were both in their 80’s she started picking him up every morning and driving him around. They didn’t live together but they pretty much spent all day every day together until he died. I don’t know why–she never said a kind word to him, at least in my presence. However, this is the same woman who bought a house with and lived with her son’s ex-wife, so what do I know about family dynamics.
I know one couple who are very good friends post-divorce and he has answered the phone a number of times when I called her house, but possibly he was just dog-sitting.
My husband’s boss also let her ex come back to live with her for a while when he lost his job. I don’t know if he’s still there.
When I was but a wee lad, I knew a couple with a child who divorced. He had difficulties for a few years keeping steady employment, so after a while he moved in with his ex-wife . . . and her second husband.
Not necessarily the “CAD!” reflex, but the “run, run now, run quickly” reflex would kick in.
For me, the person is still too entangled into his ex’s life and that would add unnecessary drama to mine. It doesn’t mean that he’s a bad person or deliberately trying to hurt me or the ex (that’s what the cad reflex is for), just that their lives are more than I care to deal with.
But I have friends who did that. Worked for them for a while. Kind of.