I’m fairly inexperienced with the whole concept of divorce, as until recently, I just didn’t know all that many divorced people. But lately, I’ve come to know a bunch of them. I kind of expect them to stay in touch on a regular basis, as they have joint custody agreements. What I find odd is that if a divorced person throws a party, the ex – and the ex’s new lover or spouse – is invited. And everything is very cordial.
Is this normal?
My best friend is my husband’s ex. We buy her christmas and birthday gifts. It all depends on the situation.
I tried to remain friends with my son’s dad, but as the years wore on, it just didn’t work.
Wouldn’t piss on her if her hair was afire.
My sister and her ex are still friends. They were married 30+ years and when she told us, we were all shocked. But, she said there was no reason to treat him any differently and he’s always welcome at family events. He has very little family of his own and takes us up on offers. We’re glad to see him—when someone is in the family that long, they’re often like a brother.
But awhile ago my sister met a guy and she liked him. They talked and seemed to get along but he never asked her out. I concluded it was because of her ex.
I.e. hanging with the ex just isn’t very common. Ppl will think maybe there are still some embers there and stay away. It just isn’t true in their case but I asked her, “How many ppl do you know who divorced and maintained a relationship like you did?” She has lots of friends, knows lots of people…and couldn’t think of a single instance.
Some never try, being so burned by what happened…after all, they divorced over something. Other ppl probably try and get pissed over child support or past wounds or whatever and it falls apart. But if they make it through all the usual junk, starting a new life and dating others could become problematic and end the friendship.
I can’t tell if is this a compliment or not.
Eep, at first glance I thought the title said “bang with.”
I don’t hang with my ex husband at all, but I’ve had to dine with him and my daughter a couple times recently because he’s blown through town and wanted to see her, and he doesn’t have the right to unsupervised visitation. I’d never voluntarily socialize with him though.
My cousin has teenage kids and has been divorced a long time. She does invite her ex to the kids’ birthday parties, and they are cordial.
My auntie did hang with and bang with her ex husband for years and years. Though he was not her kids’ dad, they called him such and he remained a member of the family until the day he died. He attended all of our family functions and I didn’t even think it odd growing up. It was explained to me that he and my auntie loved each other, they just couldn’t stand to live with one another.
I guess it all depends on what sort of terms you parted on and what your current relationship is like.
My ex was insistent when we split that we stay friends, but I have no interest in being friends with someone who treated me like that. I played along to get the settlement sorted out as quickly as possible, and then stopped having contact with him.
I read this as just plain old “hang”. Now I admit that I did sometimes consider it as a service to humanity but I resisted the urge. Also, what PRR said
How about this…
I wouldn’t piss in her ear if her brain was on fire. 
It depends entirely on the circumstances of the split.
For me - no way in Hell.
I haven’t mentioned this before but I was officially divorced by the courts last Thursday do to an irretrievable breakdown of opinions. I talk to my ex-spouse daily and see her most days. I also get to spend more quality time with my young daughters than before (4+ days a week). We have had an even better relationship since the whole process started months ago.
My family is 2000 miles away and her family is my only real family anywhere close by. I spent Thanksgiving with them and I am going to stay at their farm with everyone for Christmas (they invited me). I don’t see that changing much in the near future. I would also guess that I will do things independently with her family including her parents when she is not around. They don’t seem to treat me any differently and always valued me as my own person as I did with them.
Her family seems to understand everything that led up to this and they are much more kind about it than their daughter is. We could operate like this indefinitely without much problem. The complication becomes is she wants to have another serious relationship. I am probably out of the extreme sport of marriage for good because I am not a fan of the institution but she still wants to seek it. However, if she ever got remarried, it would probably be far enough out that it wouldn’t matter as much as it does now with small children.
I say that it can work under the right circumstances.
Absolutely NOT. I left his sorry a** for a reason, lol.
You’ve been reading the Ron Thread. 
I have not seen her face since we met in court after I had her removed from the house under an Order For Protection, in August 2003.
Quite happy if I never see her again.
It depends on the circumstances, how long ago was the divorce, and whether the parties involved have matured or not and the new partners are understanding, etc.
I have a couple of friends whose parents divorced and remarried and had joint custody and everybody got along seemingly well. Not perfect, but then, not even your blood family relationships are ever going to be perfect and trouble-free.
It is very normal to me because I was raised this way, and my dear families are sometimes a confusing mix of halves and steps and in-laws as well as full blood relatives…
My dad married young and divorced young. Before turning 30 he was divorced with two young children. A few years after his divorce, he met my mom, whom he dated over 7 years before I showed up and they married.
During those years, I guess some of the anger and resentment over the divorce eventually faded. Mom is and was very pro-family relationships, so she made sure dad didn’t slack in any of his duties. Dad, as grumpy as he is, really enjoyed his children, and was a good dad to us. When my (half) siblings were young (before I was born), my mom and dad would take them on their trips to visit my mom’s side of the family, which included nephews and nieces the same ages as my sibs… So they all grew up together and knew each other looong before I showed up.
When I was a toddler, the resentment had decreased even more, and my sib’s mom and granny baby sat me for many years while I was in primary school… To the point that some of my teachers thought she was my mom because she picked me up so often…
Time and illnesses have passed and have just strengthened the bond between us. I also grew up with my sibs’ younger cousins, who are closer to my age than they are. When I last visited home, I spent time seeing my sibs’ granny (she passed away a few weeks later). When my sibs’ mom needs a car ride, my mom always offers it and gives it. A couple of years ago, mom was admitted to the ER due to severe anemia. My dad, at his wit’s end, had nobody else to call but his ex. She came without hesitation, and took care of mom while dad was busy working. She did it once more, very recently, when mom’s condition returned. When this spring I graduated from vet school, my sibs’ mom was there, celebrating with my mom and dad, and proud as well.
As another example, my grandfather widowed in his early 40s, dated a few years, and married a sweet, smart, funny, great woman 4 years after his first wife’s (my bio-granny) death. They remained together for 40 years, until my grandpa’s death almost 4 years ago. This woman (dad’s stepmom) is the only granny my cousins and I know, the only one we cherish, the one we love and respect (none of us were born when bio-granny died).
Granny, for many different reasons, found another love in her life that made her happy and smile and gave her company and solace. They married about 3 years ago, and invited both families. My dad escorted her and made one of the speeches. Relatives from bio-granny and grandpa attended the wedding and if not they gave their blessings, even (40 years is a freaking long time).
Now, my (step)granny’s new husband (step-step-grandpa?) is not my real grandpa, nor will he ever replace him. But I have to admit I like that granny has found a decent man who cherishes her and loves her and treats her with respect. And the man is funny and witty and has some quirks which remind me of grandpa. And I like him.
Remember the OP is also asking if it is normal or not… And I say it depends on the circumstances. (Step)Granny was a divorceé when she met my grandpa. Nobody has heard or known anything of the sorry ass she married before grandpa. 
I am all business with her, and only on matters of the children is sharing a space acceptable, such as at a school event, kid sports event, trips the emergency room, teacher meetings, etc.
I loathe her and her family, and avoid them unless it has anything to do with my children.
I can’t get the smile off my face when I am with my children and she is not part of it.
My ex and I are friends. Really we probably should have just stayed friends way back when but we didn’t, we got married.
I am fortunate, he married again very quickly but the woman he married would have nothing to do with bitterness and nastiness. She is someone were she not married to my ex and were she to live closer, we would probably be really good friends. As it is, we call each other wife-in-law and she has been great to my children and more to the point, I credit her that neither my ex nor I got on the bitter bus.
(side note: not saying all should follow our path, but it worked for us)
Edited to add: she’s been GREAT to my sons.
I’ve had three strikes.
I communicate via e-mail, off and on, with the first. I haven’t seen the third since the day I packed up and moved out. And the only time I ever want to see the second is after a truck hits her.