No surprise you remember; it was a major positive turning point for you.
I also agree; however, how firm/soft the approach should be is not a judgment call anyone on the dope can make.
Sorry, I just caught this, otherwise I would have said something sooner. I heard similar arguments from my friend. I still can’t figure out how she thought it was immoral. Even the most devoted Christians (and many of other faiths as well) will admit there’s cases where divorce is a justified and moral decision.
You mentioned he’s seeing other women… that sounds like infidelity to me. Though its hard to judge exactly what “mean” and “awful” mean… even if its only emotional abuse, (as if its somehow less severe than physical abuse, its still abuse nonetheless. Not to mention HE left HER… that sounds like abandonment to me. In my opinion, infidelity, abuse, and abandonment are not so much moral justifications for divorce, but I’d say they all but morally necessitate it. This guy is doing ALL of them.
At this point, it shouldn’t be about him at all. It doesn’t matter whether he’s “proved right” or not. She needs to take care of herself, and that means filing for divorce and alimony, and stopping feeling sorry for herself. Of course, I know that’s not a tactful way to say it, so PLEASE use your own words.
Generally, I would tend to agree; however, seldom is one party completely blameless in these sorts of situations. In fact, these sorts of situations tend to bring out the worst in people and it may not be “fair” to reevaluate the friendship at this time. Still, even if she utlimately decides to terminate the friendship or just not to be so close to her in the future, I still imagine she loves her enough now that she doesn’t want to cut and run. Hell, even if she decides now she wants to end it, I wouldn’t wish a state of self-pity on anyone.
Well… this sounds like your friend has unreasonable financial expectations, and may be getting played by her atty to some extent if he’s telling her there’s an alimony pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. And if she’s using mom’s money in this scenario God know how long this drama will take.
Unless her soon to be ex husband is extraordinary wealthy, the applicable state laws are going to dictate the methodology by which the property is divided not your friend’s drama, nor her attorney, regardless of what her lawyer is blowing up her skirts re potential alimony etc. Also, alimony is getting rarer and rarer unless you have an older wife who has devoted herself solely to being a housewife, and is old enough that getting decent job is not feasible, and this does not sound like your friend’s situation.
It is not unknown for divorce lawyers (esp with well off female clients) to engage in “churning” or useless motions and “make work” when they sense the woman wants to punish the husband or simply make a big production out the divorce. s long as momma is paying the bills you had best pull up an easy chair & settle in as this production is likely to take quite a spell.
I don’t think, honestly, she should be banking on any. But despite having a college degree she has never supported herself. Her husband was making mid-6 figures as far as I understand it, but they were apparently blowing all of it, and turning to her mother for help when estimated taxes came due. So the lifestyle she was accustomed to was extravagant and, in my opinion, ludicrous. I didn’t know about the borrowing until the divorce came up. I do rather look at it and think “Whelp, the fun ride is over. Time to enter the real world!” but that’s not a particularly uplifting thing to say. Whenever I bring up anything about her getting a job, she says I’m depressing to be around.
Her mother confided in me that she didn’t “know Jenny was so immature.”
Not going to drop her, though. She’s a good person, very smart and funny, otherwise kind to people and animals, and just temporarily (I hope) fucked in the head.