I really could care less about either of my exes. I haven’t seen ex #1 in about 10 years and that’s fine with me. Heard she spent some time in jail, oh well.
As for ex #2, I wish she would go away. But I am still very close to her daughters, I am still Dad to them so that won’t happen. I do avoid any contact with her, even if that means missing birthdays and such for the grandkids.
I haven’t given my first husband more than a minute thought since the day I left him. No love there. My second husband of 17 years and the father to our children is a good man. We are different and grew apart, but we have our kids in common and we are finishing raising them as a team, though we are divorced. Can’t say that I feel “love” for him, not in the way that I did at one time in our relationship, but I certainly don’t hate him, or even dislike him.
Like Shakes, if I don’t think about it very much, I’m pretty meh. I neither love nor hate him, and mostly just wish he’d disappear.
If I think too long about what he’s done to our son - not abuse, just benign neglect, not keeping in steady contact with him, making my boy cry because it seemed his dad cared about his new stepkids more than his own son, well, as you say, if he dropped dead, even I’d be suspicious.
My gorgeous son is 17. His dad is coming here for his graduation. Then I can let go of everything - emotionally and financially, cause deadbeat will never pay anything that he owes- drop him off my Facebook, and never speak to him again until the boy gets married or something.
Whew. See, that’s what happens when I think about it. Now going off to try to find my ‘meh’ place again.
Until there’s grandkids, anyway. Blurf.