Do I Have Depression? What Can I Do About It?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I suspect that it is bad form to be starting another thread like this, but here it goes anyway. From reading older threads on this board, plus some other research, I think I might be depressed.

I don’t really get sad or anything, but I am unmotivated as hell. When I do work up the motivation to do something, it’s like it doesn’t last. I’ve made a couple runs at college which had strong starts. Eventually, I get worse and worse until I’m just barely getting stuff done at the last minute. I don’t seem to be able to hold down any sort of meaningful work for very long. After a week or two, I hate it so much that I just barely hold on until I am fired, or quit. It would be easy to blame this on all the marijuana I have smoked, but these patterns have been going on since I was a kid, years before I started drinking or smoking. I gave up the smoking about a week ago, and I barely drink anymore, maybe a couple beers once per month. In fact, I’m guessing the excessive smoking and drinking were symptoms, not causes. This pattern of strong starts and no finishes has been going on for a while.

It seems like this works in cycles. At the bottom of the cycle, it is so bad that I can’t even do things that are fun. It’s like I’d rather sit there and do absolutely nothing instead. Normally, this lowest stage may last for only a week or so, but I’ve been caught in one now for about a month. When I get an idea of something fun to do, I can get started but within minutes I’m like, “bleh, fuck it.” Example, I recently tried to get started on the Xbox game Elder Scrolls: Oblivion. The idea of this game is very interesting to me, but I just can’t get into it. I want to, but my ridiculous brain is like, “no.” It’s not just this, its pretty much everything. I’m giving fantasy football a try, because I was invited, but I can already feel my interest fizzling out. And I like football too, so WTF? Years ago, I was just starting to get good at the guitar, when I lost interest in that. I still have it, but after a few minutes of messing with it, once again this attitude of, “bleh, fuck it,” comes along, and back into the guitar case it goes.

If I can’t even work up the motivation to entertain myself, I sure as hell can’t do things like work, school, etc. I’m in my late 20’s now, and I feel like time to get some kind of meaningful career and life is running out. I know I have time to pull it together, but I feel like I have to address these issues otherwise I’m doomed to repeat this cycle for the rest of my days. I need to get this taken care of, but I am unsure of how to proceed.

The obvious answer to all this is: Get some help! And therein lies the problem. How do I do that? I have no money, no job, and most importantly, no health insurance. I’ve floated this by family, but I don’t think I’ll be getting any help from there. It’s been awhile since I was enrolled in school, so I doubt that option is open to me anymore. Any suggestions? Is there some sort of public service for this sort of thing? Or do I need to eke it out at some worthless shit-hole job for long enough to scrape the money together necessary for treatment? Something else?

Note: I’m not looking for an official diagnosis here, just trying to see if I’m on the right track regarding the depression and if there are some other possibilities to look at. YANADoctor, YANAPsychologist, etc. My mileage may vary and so on.

2

Most counties have community mental health clinics, you could start there? Google <your location> mental health services. Catholic Charitiesmight be an option too. Some branches have mental health counselors. I volunteer with a nonprofit and until I started, I had no idea there were as many programs as there are.

I think you’re on the right track, you may well be clinically depressed and finding some sort of free counseling services would be a good start.

3

And if you need medication, a lot of antidepressants now are generic. The last time I was on one it was $4 a month. The mental health clinic may not have an MD on staff to prescribe, but might, and might be able to refer you to a free clinic for a prescription.

4

I don’t have much to say, because I’m in the same depression boat as you. I’m unmotivated, lazy, and don’t enjoy life. I see a therapist twice a month, and a psychiatrist every 3 months for the past 3 years, and it has done nothing for me. I’ve seen every therapist at this place, and every doctor. I’ve been on every antidepressant, and every benzodiazepine, and every sleep med. Currently I take 150 mg of Zoloft, 10mg of Ambbien, and 2mg of Clonazepam daily. I just stay on these meds because my doc is frustrated that no other drug worked on me. I can’t even force myself to go to appointments sometimes, and I cancel at the last minute because I feel it’s worthless, or I get agoraphobia. I was also in a mental institution for one day. I was supposed to stay a month, but I knew I felt annoyed being there with the people, so I checked myself out.

5

I see that my county does have a CMH center. I was worried about the cost of medication, but I see that isn’t the issue I thought it was. I guess I have this irrational fear that there’s nothing wrong; this is just the way I am. I know that’s stupid though. It won’t be easy to do this, but I want to be better so it has to be done.

6

BaconAndEggs, I have read stories like these before as well. I fear that this may be my fate as well. Not sure what to do about it other than give it a try though.

7

I’d also like to recommend checking Amazon for a cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) workbook for depression - just plug those search terms in and look for something with good reviews. CBT is designed to stop counterproductive thought patterns that trap you and drag you down; you get stuck in a spiral of negative thoughts that just feed on each other and make you feel like nothing matters and there’s nothing you can do.

8

I would recommend David D. Burn’s Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy.

It’s a CBT workbook that has helped me a lot.

9

On the other hand I’ll give you the example of my wife. She struggled with depression for years but finally hit upon the right combination of medication and therapy to turn things around. Now she enjoys her life and has enthusiasm and motivation. Don’t give up.

10

If you’re worried about cost, there are some incredibly cheap options out there.

I had similar symptoms of depression and after trying a few different things I now take a generic Celexa. I have no health insurance, but through Walgreens I can buy 90 40mg tablets for $10. I break each pill into four pieces.

A regular family doctor was comfortable prescribing them to me. From what I understand, Celexa has been on the market for a long time and has been proven safe. It is similar to Lexapro, however, Celexa has both isomers of the molecule (you might be more familiar with the term chirality. Organic molecules can form in either a left-hand or right-hand shape. Depending on the molecule, the handedness can have different effects).

11

I am not a doctor. However, taking a prescription sleep pill long term has been shown to have severe long term negative health effects. During my search for anti-depressants I once mentioned I would like a sleep-aid. My doctor sat me down and gave me a fairly stern lecture.

I don’t mean to sound rude, but have you tried exercise and diet? I struggle with sleep during the summer because I drink, stay up late, and sleep past noon. However, once I have a reason to wake up early I do so, and by 9pm my eyes are fluttering. I do a few push-ups in the morning, ride my bike to where I need to be, and eat a diet that is home cooked, has many veggies, and is low in fat. Within a week my mood is usually on an upward trajectory.

Edit: I never would have done the above if my doctor hadn’t given me a decent face slap. Drugs are great and useful, but the human body is a machine built to adapt to the niche it occupies. I was well adapted to sitting on my ass and moping. Now I’m trying to put it in a different environment and hoping it adapts.

12

I took some really bad decisions regarding my bad feelings which ended up making it worse. Here’s my advice.

Exercise Exercise Exercise. Try to have your heart pumping continously for at least 20 minutes for at least one a day.

Don’t isolate yourself, if you have don’t hav any friends then join a jogging or keep fit group or something like that.

If you don’t think you can get through a CBT workbook, then try this website moodgym - Interactive skills training for depression and anxiety it’s a depression fighting website from Australia’s top university.

Good luck!

13

Well, I gave the local CMH center a call just now. It appears that I’ll have to wait until Sep. 9 to get a phone screening. Really? That’s like two weeks from now! Oh well, you get what you pay for I guess.

14

I’d do this as well, or consider seeing a CBT therapist. Not all depression is physiologically based- a great deal is just negative/wrong thoughts that build on themselves in times of stress or great emotion.

In short, what CBT does is cause you to be aware of what you’re thinking as you think it, and analyze why you’re thinking that way. With training, you’ll catch the unhelpful thoughts before they spiral out of control, and change your attitude.

For example, a lot of people get in trouble simply through the semantics of their internal dialogues. If you go around thinking “I should have done X” where X is some goal, then you’re casting things in black and white, success or failure, all or nothing. There’s no room in “I should have X” to have done 90% of X, or an adequate amount of X, it’s a statement of failure that causes you to be dissatisfied with your performance.

Even in the present tense , thinking “I should X” sets you up for the same absolute pass/fail outlook.

CBT helps you recognize those sorts of situations and change those thoughts to something more healthy.

15

If you’re not comfortable with your counselor, then don’t keep trying with that same person. Ask for another counselor. You don’t have to give any real reason, other than you just don’t feel comfortable. But the right counselor can help you look at what you’re doing wrong, and also tell you what you’re doing right. Part of depression is that your judgment is not the same as other people’s, and you might not realize that you’re shooting yourself in the foot.

I’m going to echo the diet and exercise advice. It won’t solve all your problems, but getting enough exercise and eating well will help make things better.

The thing is, you don’t have to be perfect. If you skip an exercise session, go ahead and make up for it the next day. If you pig out on junk food for lunch, have a sensible dinner. It’s OK to slip up now and then, but you want MOST of your days to be healthy ones. I allow myself some occasional fatty or sweet treats, but only a couple of times a week. And then I talk about them, so I get the most mileage out of them. :wink:

Try to get at least 15 minutes of exercise a day. 30 minutes is better. You don’t need to join a gym or buy special equipment. For most people, walking or jogging is good enough. And if you really can’t manage to exercise for 15 minutes at a time, if you get too tired, then just do whatever you CAN do, and then work your way up. I’ve managed to increase my time from 5 minutes to 20 minutes, but this has been gradual.

Some people swear by low carb diets. They make me constipated. So I follow the principals of the South Beach/Mediterranean diet…lots of veggies, low fat, lean protein. I eat more beef and pork than those diets call for, and less chicken and fish, because I really don’t care for chicken and fish that much. I eat more chicken and fish than I’d choose to, if I had my druthers, and also considerably less animal fat than I’d choose to. Again, this doesn’t mean that I never have treats, only that I don’t eat them as much as I’d like.

16

I don’t know whether you have depression, but I can almost guarantee you that you will be offered a prescription for antidepressants if you describe your symptoms to a psychiatrist (or even a general practitioner). Lack of motivation is considered a symptom of depression, and the “let’s throw some pills at it and see what happens” model tends to dominate.

Offered as a neutral observation, based largely on my own experiences.

17

Lots of good advice here, thanks. I’m a little frustrated about the result of my call to CMH, but apparently I qualify for help so I guess I should be happy about that. I’m worried that by then, this most recent cycle will pass and the screening will show nothing wrong, but I guess I’ll just have to wait and see. I am a little worried about having to be on medication, especially side effects, but if it fixes the problem then I guess that would be preferable to what is going on now. I will probably be going to see if I can find that book by David Burns this weekend though. That’ll be worth a try. I’m thinking that medication, by itself, probably isn’t the answer anyway.

18

Check out Walmart (and others) they can give you three months for $10.00 so you will save $2.00.

19

Dude you just gave up weed! Weed is the biggest demotivator there is. Give yourself a few weeks to see if the energy levels come back before you seek therapy or a pharmaceutical solution.

20

I’ve considered this. However, these motivation issues are nothing new, and they predate my weed smoking days by quite a bit. I can remember bringing home the report cards with the comments like “capable of doing better”, etc. since about age 11 or 12. From there, I could pull it together for awhile mostly to avoid punishment/discipline, but eventually I’d slip back in. Rinse and repeat. Even at my best, I was scraping the assignments together at the last minute and riding on good test grades. Same with the starting but not finishing stuff. That has pretty much been the story of my life right there. I was already beginning to screw up the college deal even before I started smoking weed.

I’m left wondering what kind of normal, perfectly healthy and happy person gets so hooked on weed that he/she develops an anxiety problem because of it. Sure, it’s addictive but my research indicates that heavy use is a pre-requisite for addiction. I guess by time this phone screening thing happens, I’ll be off the stuff for about a month so we’ll see what happens.