Well in that case, try adult ADD. Which I think I have too.
Sorry if that last post was kind of snippy. Nothing personal, I’m just frustrated I guess. There’s no more firing one up and forgetting about it for me anymore, and I guess I’m realizing I kinda fucked up at life so far.
I have only a little advice to give.
I know about having little motivation. And fluctuating levels of indifference and apathy.
I also know about being diagnosed with various things and not really being satisfied with how I was being pigenoholed. Am I dysthymic? After a few years of psychological treatment and medication, I am still not sure. I’m not even sure if I’m more motivated and less apathetic after all the expensive and well-intentioned interventions. I vacillate between feeling like it’s all been a waste and that it’s the best thing ever.
Things I do know: 1) I’m more comfortable with myself and more indifferent about what others think about me or my life. 2) Therapy does not work if you don’t have at least a little motivation to follow through on homework assignments and appointments.
From your description, it does sound like you have chronic depression. Let’s say you get this diagnosis and a prescription for an anti-depressant. What will help you to follow through? Because as you head through this adventure, the road will no doubt get bumpy and you will find yourself wanting to give up. Medications have side-effects–and you will have to find the strength to suffer through them. You can’t give up when the drugs poop out. And you can’t give up on your counseling sessions either. If the counselor straight up sucks, that’s one thing. But even then, you don’t give up on therapy altogether.
I guess what I’m saying is, this is one thing you’re going to have to force yourself to stick with. You can’t give into your regular M.O, even when it feels “right.” If you don’t force yourself, nothing will work and everything will be a waste.
I hope everything works out.
Yup. There’s a whole lot of need out there - and FWIW, even if you’re a paying client trying to schedule an intake at a private clinic, two weeks is not that far out of the norm. In fact, two weeks is pretty prompt.
Kudos to you for taking this step. That’s not supposed to sound glurgy, I mean that sincerely.
Apathy. I know it well. Too well, sometimes.
If you have no funds, might there be a free mental health clinic in your area, and even the smallest citities sometimes have a little mass transit system that can get you there. Iused one myself when my car was in the shop and I had no way to go. You just have to sign up and let them know where you live.
I’m only speaking from personal experience, but a place where I started when I first became aware of my problem was the Department of Family and Childrens’ Services.
You’ve gotten some very good advice here already, but I’d like to add one more if I may: Many times, if we want something (like help) and don’t get it, it’s because we didn’t ask for it.
So you’ve asked here and now it’s time to “go live” and follow through with all these suggestions.
Good luck, and I’m available if I can help with anything.
Quasi (Bill)
I have had depression as long as I can remember. I believe I had it back in high school, but it was never caught until I was 23. I had lost a baby and my doctors believed I had postpartum depression. They put me on Prozac for a few years while increasing the dosage because my body became use to it. I had many of the same symptoms that you do and even now my follow through on anything sucks.
Though after seeing a shrink last year, she was surprised and upset that I was on an antidepressant for 9 years. (The doctors did change the meds when my body because use to the prozac to Zoloft. Last year they wanted to change it again.) It made me think about what it was that was making me depressed and I found that it was my family (Mother, father, siblings) so I decided to a lot myself so many a hours a month with them so that they wouldn’t drag me down.
It worked and I took myself off the meds. I have been off them a year but have recently realized that my attitude and moods mirror those who are around me. If my co-workers are having a bad day or moody, so am I. If I am in a great mood and come home to a bitchy boyfriend, then I become bitchy.
Use the work books that others have mentioned, those did work for me… and surround yourself with positive people. I have found that using the medication that was given to me and hanging around people that were energetic and positive helped me to learn different qualities as well.
Hi BuickGNX1987,
There’s a lot of good advice in this thread. Just keep in mind that you may have to try a lot of different combinations of these different therapies to find one that helps you. You can fire your therapist and get another one, as somebody mentioned. You can spend a few months on each of all 20 or so popular antidepressants on the market. You can try this CBT thing. You can give your life to Jesus/Allah/Krishna and find yourself while walking that path. Any of these things can be your main source of healing, or just one source among many others. Just don’t give up, because it doesn’t have to be like this forever.
You are on the right track.
The drinking and smoking dope was you self-medicating.
Those “really down” periods, I call The Black Hole. Everybody (depressives) have their own names for it.
I’ve been clinically depressed since I was four years old. It’s a chemical imbalance and not a behavioral problem, so don’t beat yourself up. I think every city has a “free clinic thingy/therapy” place that you can go to that charge on a sliding scale (in most cases, only a couple dollars per visit, and the prescription cost at Walmart is $4) Lexepro seems to be their drug-of-choice, & is usually pretty good----will help put you on a (straight “medium” level w/o the bottom-dropping-out lows) but they’ll change it if that doesn’t work.
Look for a place with a water name: Lakeview, Serenity Shores…I’ve found that most mental health places use that, maybe it’s considered soothing.
If it also says Manor—that means you’re crazy AND old. lol
Good luck and let us know.
My experience of depression is a very deep feeling of unhappiness for no specific reason, that allows for no hope for the future.
You feel very alone, and feel that there is no solution to your unhappiness.
But I honestly can’t say whether or not you’re depressed.
Thanks for the advice everybody. I will update as necessary. For now, I’m just waiting for the 9th. I’ve gone through this for years, so I think I can make it a couple more weeks. It’ll be nice to finally be rid of this. Hopefully I will have the strength to keep up on the treatment. We will see.
The “Black Hole,” is a fitting name for this thing. It’s getting pretty annoying. They usually didn’t last this long, but this one has been going on for a while now. I agree about the self-medicating thing. Weed seemed to help it until this latest one. I used to turn to alcohol to break out of it, but that stopped working too. In fact, I have noticed that now it just makes it worse. Even when I wasn’t in the low part of the cycle, drinking brought on the same feelings as I have now, especially the whole not wanting to do anything. No surprise there since alcohol is a depressant.
Once again, thanks for all the suggestions, advice, etc. The SDMB is The Shit. 
Lust4Life, I don’t know if I have what could be described as unhappiness. There really isn’t anything. Sometimes there’s the occasional sadness, but mostly it’s just nothing. Not sure how to describe it I guess. It’s kinda weird.
Have you tried doing any volunteering? Helping other people almost always makes people feel better themselves.
With bits of corn and/or peanuts embedded?:D;)
We’re here for you. Don’t disappear on us and please let us know how you’re doing!
Q
I’ve been lurking here, and occasionally coming out of hiding for a drunken post, for about six years now. I won’t be disappearing anytime soon. Posting while sober has been a great improvement though. 
Like my quitting weed thread, I think it would be a disservice to just disappear after all this help, so I will continue to update.
Buick, I must say, I’m impressed that you took the steps to get the help you needed. Talk about motivated! I think you have to take anecdotal stories, including mine, with a grain of salt. No other case will be precisely like yours, no other body chemistry will mimic yours. I agree with the poster who said if the first therapist you see doesn’t help you, then keep trying. Also, the best results seem to come from talk therapy plus antidepressants. I’m a big believer in psychologists plus psychiatrists. Psychiatrists have much greater knowledge of antidepressants than GP’s do, but they don’t do much in the way of talk therapy. Some CMHC’s have psychiatrists who work with them; if so, I highly recommend that option.
Also, be prepared to be patient. It takes 3-6 weeks for most anti-depressants to kick in. Most docs will start you on the lowest dose, so after 3-6 weeks, if you’re not noticing a marked improvement, the doc may increase the dose. After another 3 weeks, if you’re still not doing a lot better, you’ll be put on a different med, usually. But don’t get discouraged: therapy plus your own efforts will still be making you feel better. (I, too, got a lot of help from CBT books.) You may not even need anti-depressants. I find I do better without them, as they turn me into an even bigger ditz than I am. And don’t worry about feeling better by the time you go: you’re good at describing your symptoms, and these folks know full well that depression is not a continuum.
My son was depressed when he was in college. I took him to a psychiatrist (and a therapist). FWIW, here are some non-medication recommendations the psych recommended, in case they would benefit you:
• Eat foods rich in omega-3, such as certain kinds of fish. He said omega -3 has been shown to help depression. I read a study (can’t recall where-sorry) that showed omega-3 also helps anti-depressants work better.
• Spend time daily looking at beautiful art, photographs, nature, even if you don’t feel like it. (Depression makes you feel like not doing anything that will help ease the depression.) I don’t know how this or the following recommendation helps, but they did seem to help my son.
•Spend time daily listening to great music. He recommended classical music, but I don’t know if it matters what type. Well, I guess maybe the blues might not be a good idea.
ªYou’ve heard this one ad nauseum, but force yourself to exercise at least 45 minutes daily. Those magical endorphins and all…
Sorry this is so long. I feel for you and will be cheering you on in your quest.
That’s what depression is, mainly. A lack of feeling. Hence losing interest in things & drive to accomplish.
On the bright side, tho, the things you’ve “started” show that you are just as smart, funny & thoughtful as anybody else. People who tend to be “a-holics” i.e. alcoholics, drug users, depressives (because it’s a chemical imbalance, remember) also tend to be the most engaging, creative kind of people that draw others toward them—when they’re able to “let it show.”
Buick, you’ve gotten a lot done in the last couple of days, my friend. 1. You recognized a problem and 2. You laid it on the shoulders of some very good and strong people (us;)). I think also you’re seeing a bit of sunlight where there was none before, am I right?
Now that you know you can come here and talk to us, you can concentrate on what’s causing the depression and get to work on solving it so that you can then become one of us “misfits”!
Of course my tongue’s in my cheek, but I just want you to know you’re in the right place. I’ve needed these guys and ladies more than once in my Doper career, and even though I’ve tried their patience to the limit, they’ve never walked away from me.
That’s what being a friend means, IMO.
Please stay in touch.
Q
Best post I’ve read today. Well done, Quasimodem.
Reading this thread has been like putting a mirror to my face. Like the OP I’ve spent my entire life with little or no motivation. I have no hobbies, no career and at 33 I have never held a job for longer than a year. I was ‘diagnosed’ with depression 2 years ago and prescribed generic Prozac. I say ‘diagnosed’ because all I did was go into my doctor’s office and break down sobbing about how I was crying all the time. After being on the meds for a couple months, I stopped crying so much but the lack of motivation was (and is) still present, so I thought that it was just evidence that I was an inherently lazy person. But reading through this thread is really making think that that may not be the case. Good luck BuickGNX1987, I really hope you find a solution because I know how awful it is. It looks like there’s some good advice on this thread so maybe it can be of help to many others
Hi. Google “famous depressed people.”