I found that book by David Burns yesterday. It was only $3.00! I also tried to find Wayne Dyer’s “Pulling Your Own Strings,” but I have to wait for that one to be ordered. I read that a few years ago and figured since I’m getting these self-help books, I might as well grab that one as well. Plus I think my GF would benefit from reading through it.
We got a little pregnancy scare going on at the moment though, so my concentration level is pretty low. Either I knocked her up, or she’s having PMS for the first time. Life, it seems, likes to shovel shit by the truckload. I’m hoping it’s due to her stress from what has been happening to me over this last month or so, plus she is on the pill, but sometimes I think if it wasn’t for bad luck, I’d have none at all. The next week or so is going to be pretty rough I think.
IANADoctor, but here’s what I’ve found to help me:
St. John’s Wort (It took 6 weeks before anything at all happened (though the first few days gave me a caffeine-like buzz), so be consistent and patient). I slowly started to feel okay, until life felt just fine. BONUS: It made an incredible difference in helping my explosive temper.
But… even though I no longer felt hopelessness and despair, I still had energy problems like just not wanting to do anything but sit and watch TV, and often even TV didn’t seem very interesting. I began taking vitamins B and D and that seems to have helped a lot.
I spent years of my life trying to think my way out of depression. I thought if I found the right view on life or the right philosophy or religion or whatever, I’d realize that everything way okay. No, it’s just a physical problem with my brain that can be made to basically disappear in 2 months with the right chemicals.
IANAD either, but be careful with the wort, and make sure it doesn’t interact unfavorably with other meds you are or will be taking. Jonathan (okay to just use that instead of all the symbols and stuff? :)). I took the wort too, when I didn’t have any money to buy the good stuff, and then when I did have the money, my doc told me to stop taking it right away.
A caveat: none of what we say here should replace what a good doc knows and/or says, so I really hope you go the route of DFACS and start seeing a therapist working with a pschiatrist at least.
Back during my troubles, I saw a lady who had a Phd., but she was able to make recommendations to a regular psychiatrist and that worked out really well, since I didn’t have to make those trips into Atlanta.
I saw the shrink for the initial work up and then the therapist for all the other times except for the biannual exams.
You’re going to fine, Buick, I’m totally convinced of that.
Quasi
PS: I find my blog is great therapy. It makes me do research and helps me to concentrate on feeling better.
Thanks again everybody. Especially thanks to Quasimodem. You have extended your hand in friendship to me, a total stranger, in one of my darkest hours. I am a little surprised with all the help I have gotten from you all, especially seeing as how I named myself after a car, which doesn’t seem like a popularity-winning move on a board like this. Oh well, not only do I think this car would be Lord Vader’s personal ride if he happened to live on Earth (or be real for that matter), but there’s a little symbolism buried in there, at least in my view. So once again, thanks to everyone. The 9th doesn’t seem like it can get here fast enough, but coupled with the possibility of being a dad, it’s going to take even longer to get here I think.
I want to post, but I don’t know what to say. I am actually crying right now. I suffer in waves and I want it to stop. I just did the first thing from that austrelian site, and it really struck a chord.
The support you guys are offering to BuickGNX1987 is amazing, and he sounds a lot like how I feel sometimes.
I don’t know what to do, but I’m gonna keep up with this thread.
I see that my thread has helped somebody. I really didn’t think about this possibility when I first posted, but now I am glad I did. Perhaps there are more that are lurking and getting some answers to the same questions I’ve been having. That’s pretty cool.
Amblydoper, I wish I could offer some advice, but at the moment I think that would be a case of the blind leading the blind. I will let you know what happens as a result of this screening I’m supposed to have and perhaps then you can see if it is the right option for you. It was pretty scary to put that number in the phone and dial it. I almost didn’t, but after all this time, I know I can’t just will myself out of this. All I can do is send well-wishes to you and hope that we can find the answer we need to break out of this cycle.
Thanks for the support! I just took a shower, and a walk, and I feel better. I didn’t really feel bad when I posted that an hour ago, I just felt very emotional. Like, there is hope for me, and I can beat this. You guys are pretty amazing.
I thought about calling a local help line, but I couldn’t even find it. I didn’t know where else to look, so I gave up. Maybe I’ll search a bit more…
Yep, chiroptera’s google search did it! I think I’ll call soon… When I’m ready…
I was the same way regarding the call. It took a day or two to finally work up the nerve to do it. Weird how it’s hard to do something that will probably help, but that’s just the way it is I guess.
Go for a walk. Read a book. Take up crochet. Watch old movies. Walk someone’s dog. Visit your grandmother. Bake a cake. Bring a basketball to the park and shoot some baskets.
Make a list (this is part of that whole CBT sort of thing) of “things I can do when I’m bored.” Then, when you are bored either do them, or accept that you are content being bored and not really interested in changing. And accept that that is FINE.
(And mix it up a little. If the “thing you do when you are bored” is play WoW for hours on end, you probably won’t improve.)
That’s just it though, I try to do stuff like this, and it only takes a few minutes before I’m just “over it.” I don’t know how to explain it but I’m sure as hell not going to accept that I’m content with this, that I like this, and that this is fine. I HATE this. I hate not being able to enjoy the stuff I used to. I don’t expect euphoria, but damn, this isn’t right. I’m sorry, but this sounds a little too much like “just snap out of it man” or “just will yourself out of it.” I surely hope there is more to CBT than this. If I could simply will myself out of this, I would’ve done it long ago.
BINGO! Please get this possibility checked. Not all ADD (now called ADHD, at least temporarily), includes hyperactivity. I have ADHD/PI. The PI is for Predominantly Inattentive. Because it doesn’t disrupt classrooms, it often goes undiagnosed, especially with bright kids.
I had been treated for depression several times when I was finally sent for screening rather than to a councellor. The shrink said that I presented with both symptoms of depression and of ADHD/PI and I would have to decide which to emphasize in treatment because depression can exacerbate or cause symptoms of ADD and living with ADD can cause depression.
Trouble focusing, organizing, scheduling, and remembering things seemed to be my chronic problem, whereas the loss of energy and negative thinking and mood would come and go. So I opted to treat the ADD and have enjoyed the results so far. As for motivation, I think it was hard for me to think of goals and options when I didn’t really believe that I would be able to follow through.
If you don’t mind the extra reading, try Driven to Distraction by Edward Hallowell and John Ratey for an overview. No one is suggesting that you self-diagnose with either depression or ADD. But if you’re discussing symptoms and possibilities with your health center, and ADD sound like a possibility to you, be sure that you ask. It’s easy to miss in someone who isn’t hyperactive.
Yllara, I should probably mention this when I get this screening. I’ve thought of this as a possibility as well. I never was particularly disruptive in school. I do remember getting in some trouble for being disruptive in kindergarten, but that was so long ago I can’t remember the details. I do know that in class, especially as a kid, I would daydream quite a bit, as well as do a lot of pointless doodling/scribbling, when I should’ve been taking notes, but for whatever reason, I was able to get away with this probably because I was still doing well on tests.
That isn’t bored. That is a different issue than “I’m bored.”
But CBT is going to be a lot of “will yourself out of it.” It doesn’t work for me unless I’m 1) in the early stages of depression where I can “decide” to be better or 2) its combined with medication. My brain chemistry is screwed up. Yours may be as well.
(Sometimes I can “catch” depression with CBT before I need medication. Sometimes I fight the depression with CBT for a while but it just delays getting one something. Sometimes I miss noticing it until I’m really blue or the CBT isn’t sufficient. I don’t like being ON medication, so I’ll try other things first.)
Well, I’ve been able to force myself to crack open David D. Burns’ book. I just completed Ch. 2. This is the chapter that includes the author’s depression checklist, called the Burns Depression Checklist (BDC). I scored a 59, which places me in the severely depressed category. I guess that answers that question! Not that I really doubted that I was or anything, but I suppose this confirms it.
There were a couple questions that I could’ve put higher, like the one about feeling hopeless. Thing is, I don’t really feel that hopeless because I think I will get some help here shortly. Without that knowledge, however, I would be feeling pretty hopeless. Plus there were the questions about feeling sad or blue, but I put 1’s for those since, like I previously posted, there really isn’t any of that, or really any emotion for that matter.
Dangerosa, I apologize for trashing on CBT in that earlier post. My goal was to eliminate any doubts that you or anyone else may have regarding whether I like this, or enjoy receiving pity about this. I do not. It is true that bored doesn’t quite describe what I’m feeling. I guess I meant it as “I’m bored of everything right now.”
I have been dealing with depression all my adult life. I went to therapy and was on antidepressants in my early twenties. Most of my twenties it went untreated. Last year I made a break through and felt happy for a few months for the first time in a long time. I got laid off at the end of last year and crashed hard at the beginning of 2011. I sought help on suicide prevention website twice. I have just recently admitted that I am not managing it well on my own and I need help. I would love to get back on Prozac. I hated all the other antidepressants I tried. I don’t have insurance as I don’t have a job. I don’t know what I’m going to do. FTR, I already own Feeling Good. Right now, that isn’t enough.
I am feeling pretty good today despite the 13 hour work day.
So, when I am “Bored” and unmotivated, I have a pretty predictable pattern. First, I think about something I need to do, should do, or could do… pretty simple tasks, not major projects. But then I think about all the steps I have to take before I can get it done, and I also think about other chores I should do while I am out and about. The list starts getting overwhelming and I freeze up. I just say, “screw this, I’ll do it all later,” and then I sit my butt down and waste time on the Net or TV.
Then I feel bad for not getting anything done, and I tell myself I will do better tomorrow. But tomorrow comes and I repeat the pattern, plus I feel like I let myself down for doing exactly what I told myself I wasn’t going to do. So its one of those vicious-cycles.
I would love to start drawing again. I had a knack for gestural drawings. But my drawing table is covered in clutter and trash. So every time I think about drawing, I think about having to clean up the mess first, and I can’t motivate myself to do it. (Actually, think I put this down as one of my CBT goals for the week, so there is hope that I will do it!)
Invisable Chimp, I know that feeling. It scared me a few times, just how serious my dark thoughts of suicide were. If you have someone you can call, call them. just to talk. I called my Mother one night, but couldn’t get through, but just the thought of talking to her helped a lot. I made it through the night and talked to her the next day.
I’m not the person to offer advice, but talking about things in here has helped me greatly. Maybe we can all pull each other up a bit.
Here’s to hoping we can all break out of this mess! I can’t say I’ve been to as dark a place as you guys have been, but I do hope you all can find a way out of it. I wish I could help, but I feel whatever I could say to help would be pretty useless, since I haven’t been there.
