For me the only reason I’d be concerned about age is just what you said - having kids. I’m 36 and I want to be a dad, and if I was dating a woman who was say, 40, there are some concerns there (increased risk of Down’s and so forth). Interestingly this has also made me realize that dating an older woman who already has kids doesn’t freak me out as it would have years ago.
I’ve dated many women who were older than me (anywhere from 2-5 years) and it was never an issue. At this time I’d probably be interested in a younger woman but not because she is younger than me, rather due to the childbearing issue.
One of my best friends married a woman 10 years older than he is (she was 40 and he was 30 when they got hitched). They went to her high school reunion and when her friends found out his age they gave her the “Cradle Robber Award” which she thought was hilarious.
I don’t think I could date a woman who was too much older than me. Part of that is because I’m a spanko, and I’d just feel really awkward spanking an older woman. Or calling her “naughty girl”
My grandmother was 3 years older than my grandfather (they married in 1946).
My mother is six months older than my father.
My sister-in-law is three years older than my brother.
Perhaps my mistake was marrying a man older than myself?
I have to admit that I don’t consider guys much younger than me relationship material, but it’s not because of their age per se, it’s because we’re likely to be in very different places in our lives.
I had my daughter when I was 20, and now, at 35, and I’m almost done with this full-time parenting thing, and I don’t want any more kids. Most men 35 and under are looking for someone to settle down and have kids with, and I’m clearly not that person. On the other hand, if I meet someone who’s was 32 and on the same page as me, that’s perfectly workable.
For the record - my great grandfather (well, one of them) was thirteen years younger than my great grandmother. This sort of thing was a lot commoner in the old days than people think. (They didn’t bother to get married, either).
Yeah, good question. As a matter of fact, my grandparents were four years apart, so there’s even a family precedent.
I think it’s more a matter of me thinking I’m too old rather than the opposite. My connection to him is our band and there’s no shortage of young groupies around. Now, granted, he shows very little interest in 'em, but still it’s kind of hard not to compare myself.
On the other hand, we’re close enough to have the same cultural memories. For instance, the other day I was showing him my copy of the Vancouver Sun that dates back to the moon landing. He’d just turned eight and I was nine so our memories were pretty well the same. We reference the same tv shows and of course the same music. Our kids are fairly close in age too. His son is coming sixteen and mine are seventeen and twenty.
There’s really no simple reason why the age gap is an issue. It just is.
The guy I’m going out now is 15 months younger than I am. When we met in 1972, he had a crush on me but as an eighth grader I didn’t want to be seen with a seventh grader. He even offered to walk me home from school, but I brushed him off. (He still throws it up at me sometimes :-)). When we met again 26 years later it didn’t make any difference anymore.
I have to wonder if Womes Lib made an impact on this issue? As late as the 1960s a man was supposed to take care of the woman when they married, and had to be the provider while the wife stayed home and had babies.
I’d say the social convention in regards to this is on its way out, although the stigma still lingers. More so if there’s an older women concerned, purely for the fact that child bearing may not be possible, thus causing problems for a relationship where the female is older.
My mother is about 6 months older than my father, my brother’s ex was 15-20* years older than he. There’s been varying degrees of age differences on both sides. My maternal great grandparents were 20 years apart (gt grandfather was 20 years older than wife), and both my grandfathers were a few years older than their wives. My husband is nearly 6 months older than me.
Her age was never fully established; we didn’t like to ask! My husband and I always figured she was in her mid forties during their relationship
I do think that men care more than women, and I agree that it has to do with babies. One of my friends broke up with his older girlfriend mostly because she kind of wanted to get married and start having kids and he wasn’t ready for that. She was 36, he was 27. Everything else in their relationship was going pretty well, but the age thing got in the way eventually.
I’ve had both older and younger girlfriends, and when it comes to dating, age isn’t that important. Marriage-wise, especially if you’re thinking about having kids, I think it starts getting important. For the record, my wife is a bit over 3 years older than I am and we’re probably going to have to start getting busy on that kid thing pretty soon. If I’d married a woman 3 years younger, I’d still have 6-8 years before birth defects start getting more likely. It was a factor when I started thinking about proposing.
I look 6-10 years younger than I actually am. One of the inconvenients is that I get guys trying to pick me up and then running for the hills when they find out I’m legal (ok, haven’t gotten that one for a while, since now even if I was 10 years younger I’d be legal) and, conversely, guys who are interested but don’t say anything because they feel like cradle snatchers.
Does anybody know a good supplier of “hi, I was born on March 13, 1968” tees?
My wife is 5 years older than me. When people find out they are suprised, because they assumed she was younger than me (I must have had a hard life). That aside no one has reacted negatively at all.
I used to. I’m 35, and have always preferred to date men at least my age – usually a-few-to-several years older – so I’d set my limits to my age + 10 years. But as I got into my 30s the “younger man” thing started to matter less and less, so now my limits are 30-45. As a result, I’m at the start of something that could be the start of something with a guy who is 2 years younger than me.
Amen!
Marriage is unimportant to me and I’ve never felt the desire to have any kids, but the men my age who feel the same way tend to not believe me. :rolleyes: One of the good things about this new guy is that we’re on exactly the same page about such things – in fact, I think he likes me even more now that he knows I harbour no burning desire to get married.
Same here! I definitely look over 18, so I don’t run into the same issues as you, but I do often wonder if men my age or older in bars/clubs have assumed that I’m too young for them. If so, their loss.
