Disclaimer: I’m not an expert on trans issues. I don’t even think I’m that well versed. I do have two transmen in my life (coworkers - but coworkers are serious business in the nonprofit where I work) who I think are basically the best thing that ever happened, but anyhoo.
I come into this JK Rowling thread at a point where it seems like things are pretty heated. In the brief time I am there, I am linked to an article that misgenders transwomen in its description of women allegedly getting assaulted in a shelter that has a clear bias against biological males of any kind, characterizing transwomen as inherently dangerous because they are really “men.” I witness the “transwomen have no right to be called women” argument, and the “trans people use suicidal behavior as a manipulation tactic” (as if their suffering is not real? it’s so dehumanizing) and then I’m treated to this gem, which is when I left the thread. To be clear, it was not even an attack on transfolk, it was an attack on women who consider themselves allies of transfolk.
Whatever the intent of that comment, I took this as a direct personal insult, considering the fact that I am a staunch feminist who has advocated on women’s issues for years and have a professional career that exists to preserve the safety of women (ALL women. And men too! Any gender, really.) I was really trying to bring that part of my life to bear in the discussion of shelters in particular and how we can make them safe for all women. I was posting some relevant citations about the lack of resources homeless trans people have, because the claim was essentially, “keep them out of our shelters, they can go somewhere else.” This is simply not true, they can’t just go somewhere else. Cis women get turned down from women’s shelters by the thousands every year, I can promise you that transwomen have even fewer options. As far as I can tell that’s all I did that set off that other comment.
All of which is to say I don’t believe that being inclusive of transwomen is a threat to cis women, but when you say that you are characterized as a misogynist. And if you say “this is transphobic” it’s because of misogyny. And if you say anything that’s not “you are so right” it’s misogyny.
I have no idea if these things were reported and I confess I almost never report things, and maybe that’s on me and I need to get better at it.
Where things really seem to go off the rails is if you call someone espousing transphobic beliefs transphobic. Personally I think all of this stems from misandry, a deep-seated fear of the male sex, but they get pissed at that too. So you have one side saying, “this is transphobic and/or misandrist” and the other side saying, “You’re a misogynist just as bad as the anti-suffragists.” There is absolutely no way to have a productive conversation about this issue with so many assumptions made about other posters’ motives.
I want to add that trauma is likely a major factor in how heated these threads get. Many trans-exclusionists have experienced trauma at the hands of males and many transfolk have experienced trauma for being trans. I think both sides are reacting from a place of feeling their safety threatened. I know from experience with PTSD that you can feel threatened by words on a message board and that words on a message board can trigger classic symptoms of PTSD. This includes the “fight or flight” response and I’ll leave you to guess which one we’re talking about here.
Now I’ve thought a lot about how that thread could have gone more smoothly, and I think if I had to do it over I would ignore the invective and focus on the claims that were made. But having had to do that in other types of threads, for my own personal issues, I think that is a lot of emotional labor to expect from transfolk. And I don’t think those threads are nearly as valuable without transfolk. Just as women feeling comfortable with sharing their experiences with sexual assault is so powerful as a learning tool for those who don’t know about those issues, transfolk sharing their own lived experiences is powerful for shifting the narrative and the stigma against them.
I recognize that all of this is messy and not easy to sort out. And I don’t really have a good solution. But it does seem like those who post vitriol against transpeople are operating within a different set of rules than is afforded to those who attack cis women, people of color and other minorities on this board.
I’m sorry this is so long but I had a lot of thoughts about it. Thanks for your consideration.