This is something I’ve heard ALL of my life, and even recently I saw supposedly smart people on Reddit claiming this was also true, that there are women out there there who deliberately like to have sex with virgins to not make them virgins anymore. It’s not explicitly women with a “virgin only” fetish, but rather women who just like having sex and have no problem with taking the virginity of a man who has never had sex beforehand.
Granted, in all my years on this Earth and having other men tell me this was true, I’ve never met a woman who either claimed they were one nor actually knew one of these supposed women, but there was a recent thread on Reddit by “women” who claimed there were actually a lot of them like that out there. I also remember being told legit by a couple of friends I knew at a different college that there were a group of women at their college who went out of their way to find the virgin freshman and sleep with them.
So is this just another horny male fantasy extrapolating a select few women with a fetish, or are there a small but active minority of women completely fine with this?
Since we’re in IMHO now, I’ll take a swing at this. First off, I am sure there are at least a few women out there who would be proactive in chasing male virgins. I mean, this is the day and age of Rule 34. For that matter, I strongly suspect there are a few that are in it to flip the power dynamic - to objectify and have power over men. But I strongly doubt it’s at all common, and the number of people obsessing over it are much more likely to be indulging their own personal preferences.
If it were common, then the issues with male incels would likely be resolved quickly! (Yes, I’m aware that the traditional incel demands that the female be attractive to level of their requirements, but felt it was an appropriate counter to the nature of the question)
It takes all kinds I suppose, but in all my years of chatting with other women about sex, I’ve never met one of these. I’ve slept with two male virgins myself, but not because I was looking for them. The first time I was also a virgin; the second time it was something I found out after I already had designs on him. I was in college, though; at 36 I would consider those men too young for me now, and I’d be at least curious about the backstory of a virgin my age. It might not be a dealbreaker but it wouldn’t go in the plus column.
A male virgin seems like the most unattractive territory for some girl not obsessed with the concept itself: a man who has no idea at all how to pleasure a woman and comes immediately on penetration. Wow, hot stuff ladies.
When I was (finally) becoming a nonvirgin, I was way too self-conscious to come at all. That’s not to say that I was a better partner than the guy who comes immediately on penetration, but I’ll still use it to say we aren’t all the same.
Prior to that by maybe 3 months, I had become somewhat fed up with the whole flirting-courting-dating game with all its sexist and polarized roles and scripts, and had become a militant heterosexual sissy virgin. And there was a time in there where I got into a conversation with a woman I didn’t know (before the conversation, I mean) who offered to fix what she viewed as my problem, with at least a modicum of enthusiasm. I thought about it and said what I thought I really wanted was to connect with someone and feel loved and safe and able to share everything, but, umm, if I just happened to run into someone who was inclined to make it happen regardless of any reluctances I might express, yeah sure, that might be, umm, hot. She shook her head and indicated that no, she wasn’t into it quite like that.
Years later, I did run into some women who said that at their age, male virgins weren’t encountered in the wild (and they’d worry that the damn thing had grown moss by this point) but that IF they’d felt free enough to act on their fantasies and inclinations back when they’d been nineteen or twenty-three, they’d have enjoyed actually seducing a virginal guy over his protestations if they’d had any confidence that it was hot for him for it to go down that way.
They said there’s like zero representation of male sexuality containing that as a component, and also not any more than scantiest representation of carnivorously predatory women enjoying being that way, so to go off in that direction would really mean inventing a sexual persona that just isn’t a social thing, and then who knows how the guy in real life would have reacted, maybe all traumatized or pissed, violent even, who knows? But that yeah, they’d fantasized about doing it.
? For one thing, as AHunter3 noted, men aren’t identical in their behavior and reactions, and just because a particular man may not have had the actual experience of pleasuring a woman doesn’t mean that he has “no idea at all” how to go about it. Some men are very quick learners in that department.
For another, it seems weird to be evaluating a potential sex partner, whom one presumably already likes and finds attractive, on the basis of his presumed “qualifications” in terms of prior experience, as though one were assessing a contractor for a kitchen remodeling job. Lots of people enjoy sharing a favorite activity with their friends and partners despite the friend’s/partner’s initial unfamiliarity with it, so why should sex necessarily be different?
How do you think all those non-virgin (heterosexual) men ever became non-virgins in the first place, anyway? Are there millions of women grudgingly resigned to just taking one for the team in “the most unattractive territory”? Are there dedicated sex workers and/or “virgin hunters” deflowering thousands of male virgins apiece? Or is it possible that for a large percentage of women, their partner’s prior sexual experience level is simply no big deal?
ISTM that “virginity stigma”, especially for men, has become much more of a thing since the rise of online dating, in which people are expected to pre-screen potential partners for all sorts of characteristics and criteria of acceptability. Back when you only dated people you happened to meet in person because that was pretty much the only way to meet them, you weren’t screening people on their sexual history before you even knew whether or not you liked them.
ISTM that the answer to the thread is “No, they don’t exist.” There aren’t enough of these virgins out there and you can only convert them once—it’s not sustainable.
But years ago someone wrote a letter to the Playboy editors claiming he’d perfected a ruse. He made women think he was gay. Some took it as a challenge and wanted to “convert” him. He of course played along, got a lot of sex saying “Oh I’ve never had these feelings before” etc.
So these “virgins” the women think they’re with? How do they vet them?
Everybody has to have a first time. I thought “James at 15/16” was great. Much as I liked the other episodes, I thought this one was skeevy. Since it’s his birthday his uncle decides to buy him…a call girl? I was amazed that the network aired that.
I wonder how many guys lost their virginity by paying.
On the other hand, this exchange was in “The Last Picture Show” in 1971, seven years before the “James” episode and in Texas instead of Boston.
Bobby Sheen: I don’t blame you. Come see me when you’re not.
(Jacy Farrow was played by the lovely Cybil Shepherd…Bobby passed on that? I inferred that the first time, they thought you were supposed to do it with someone you loved and he wasn’t going to pretend he did. But he wouldn’t say no once she got that out of the way.)
I don’t know why you thought this would be an appropriate joke to make, but it’s not. We are trying to get rid of misogynistic and boy’s locker room type humor posts, and this is a good example of the types of posts that we don’t want on this board. Do not do this again.
I knew a woman who acquired a reputation as a ‘devirginator’ in college because she ended up being several guys’ first experinece, but she wasn’t any kind of “virgin hunter”, her type was just the type who tended to not get laid in high school (typically geeky-but-not-creepy guys). Generally the women I know who ‘just like having sex’ tend not to want virgins, both because they tend not to know what they’re doing and because there’s a high chance of them becoming clingy after what’s supposed to be a casual encounter. I’ve never seen any evidence of virgin hunters prowling around colleges trying to hunt down virgin men other than urban legend type stories passed around. Because people are so varied I’m sure there are a few women like this in existence, but I think it’s mostly a myth.
I get the impression that this was considered pretty normal, or at least something you roll your eyes at and say “I can’t believe uncle Frank took Bobby to a whorehouse” for a lot of the 20th century, really only fading off in the 1980s. This is mostly from how frequently the idea was presented in mainstream media and treated as something light and non- or mildly- controversial, though I saw some statistics (that I haven’t been able to find again) about prostitution in the 1950s and 1960s that supported the idea.
Not quite the same thing, but I’ve seen interviews with women who, during WWII, had sex with a lot of soldiers before they shipped out overseas, because for some of them it would be their last (and maybe also their first) time. Sort of a patriotic gift for the heroes. In fact, I once met someone whose grandma was one of these women, and they were pretty proud of that fact. I’m sure it wasn’t much talked about openly at the time, but many decades later these women told their stories for posterity.
Anyway, I’ve never heard of “virgin hunters” but I can see how they might plausibly exist. Not because women get special pleasure from virgins (who are inexperienced and usually not very skilled in bed), but as some sort of “gift” for people they might have pity for.
Really … I can understand the draw of a virgin female, never been tapped so clean of STDs, and they don’t have to really do anything to be gratifying unlike a male that has to know what and when to do it.
I just always preferred my partners to be decent in bed.
Just a note, this is not actually true under typical ‘virgin’ definitions - the majority of people consider only PIV sex as the ‘virginity lost’ criteria for heterosexuals, but things like oral sex, fingering, and especially anal sex can spread STDs. Simple kissing can spread herpes - CDC estimates 80% of the population has HSV-1, though that’s generally not considered an STD since it’s usually just on the mouth, but HSV-2 can be spread that way too. Gonorrhea also can spread through kissing and when it’s in the throat usually doesn’t show any symptoms. AIDS can be acquired through non-sexual means, notably sharing needles (which is most associated with recreational needle drugs, but can also happen with sharing medical drugs like insulin).
I would feel much safer about the STD status of someone who gets regular STD testing than someone who says they’re a virgin and doesn’t. People who identify as virgins tend to have absorbed a lot of myths about ‘clean’ vs ‘dirty’ people which means they will discount or be completely unaware of significant risk factors, and often use a technical definition of ‘virginity’ which excludes numerous sexual activities from “counting”.
Women who like the idea of being the first one for a man is a fetish some women in fact have, I believe. In fact, there is at least one online community where many women like that exist (or at least existed). I visited said community once and noticed some verified women there had tallies on how many virgins they had been with. Of course, you could argue it was all bullshit, but I think you would probably be wrong about that.
I inferred that the first time, they thought you were supposed to do it with someone you loved and he wasn’t going to pretend he did. But he wouldn’t say no once she got that out of the way.)