This is a reprise of the thread for (presumably) straight men on the subject of dating a woman who was a virgin and whether that would be a dealbreaker for them. I’m interested in what the flip-side of the coin and the lavendar side of the coin have to say on the subject here and it seemed more appropriate than hijacking the other thread.
So what’s your opinion on dating a virgin? Have you? Would you? Why or why not? Myself being a virgin, I should quite like to hear the consensus on male virginity.
I’ll be honest—I’ve got a huge fantasy about “deflowering” (god, what a stupid word!) a virgin. I was with a guy once in high school that I think was a virgin, but he claimed he wasn’t and seemed uncomfortable with it, so I didn’t pry.
I guess as far as long-term dating, though, and not just a fantasy-fufilling sexual romp, it would depend on why they were still virginal.
Just waiting for the right girl? That’s cool.
Completely fixated on his mother and can’t find anyone who looks enough like her? That’s not cool.
I don’t ask if the guy I’m dating/sleeping with is a virgin. If he doesn’t volunteer the information I have no way of knowing. I don’t have any sense of mystical wonder at the idea of boldly going where no man have gone before. It’s just a non-issue.
I don’t ask if a guy is a virgin, but if I somehow found out, it would only be a dealbreaker if the guy wasn’t incredibly perfect and I wasn’t planning on a serious long-term relationship. IOW, if he was awesome and I wanted a serious relationship with him, no problem. In fact, it might be better, cause then I could teach him how to do things exactly the way I liked. If I was just looking for a casual fling, then no, because my past experience (2 virgins) was that they sucked in bed the first few times.
I’m shallow, and I’m not the falling in love type. A virgin would be a turn-off for me. I want a man who has been there, done that, and got the whole thing down to a fine art.
The one time I was told, it was a casual relationship, we were both young adults and he was waiting for the right woman (who he ended up divorcing, snicker), and I respected that.
But if it had gotten serious, and he continued to wait for ‘the right woman,’ I’d consider that kind of a deal-breaker.
I was a virgin and so was my fiance. Our first time was painful and dismal. It got better but never great and I didn’t know it.
So—yes, I’ve dated a virgin
and that was okay at 20 but at 40, I don’t think I would want to with a 40 year old virgin. It would depend on why, and how much we liked each other. Would he welcome my experience or be scared? Fast learner? I dated a man out of a long marriage, with very little experience but we never made it to bed–he was very nervous and I think life’s too short!
Well, I once dated a guy who “practically a virgin” (yeah, that’s like being “practically pregnant” but we won’t get into that), so I guess it’s close enough for government work. I don’t see it as a big deal, provided the guy in question didn’t have creepy reasons for still being a virgin, wasn’t threatened by my experience, and was willing to learn what I liked and not what he’d always heard women liked.
I’m a virgin myself, so I really have no expectations to begin with. I suppose it might be kind of cool to be with a virgin b/c he might value or appreciate the experience a bit more as opposed to someone who has a different girl every month. Also, with me being the first girl and all, it’s not like I’d be compared to others. Then again, he might not have an unrealistic idea of how women “are” and that could be a bad thing.
On the whole, it really doesn’t make a significant impact. For me, it would definitely be cool to be someone’s first, but it’s not like it makes him fuck-worthy if he wasn’t before (can I say that in IMHO?). Either way, I’d be happy just to be getting some
At 33 I’d find it a bit weird, unless I was cradle-robbing or something, which would also be weird, so there ya go.
There was a certain fun time in my youth where I sought virgins, it’s a shot at immortality hard to pass up. Depending on the relationship, it was either awkward, or hysterically funny, or tender and sorta maternal, but there was always that little thrill of knowing that good, bad or indifferent, I wouldn’t be forgotten.
Queen Tonya: True, you won’t be forgotten, but that’s not always a good thing. I have a friend who’s deflowered more than a few boys (including me, but I deflowered her as well so we’re even), and while most (including me) have fond memories, some tend to become fixated on her an unwilling to accept that she’s not their one true love/partner/mistress/mommy for life. While the sample size is admittedly small, she says this is more likely with guys who lose their virginity in their late 20’s or after.
I’m finding this thread interesting as a male virgin myself. No real reason for being one, just basically don’t date frequently and never in a relationship that led to such things.
I like virgin guys. The guy I have my eye on now is a virgin (planning to wait until marriage) and I think it’s endearing. Waiting until commitment/marriage would be fine with me, as long as he didn’t take it as far as being against pre-marital kissing/hugging/cuddling. I can easily deal with saving sex for commitment/marriage, but not having ANY physical affection at all from my boyfriend would probably be a dealbreaker.
The things I like about virgin boys:
It would be nice to know that he is almost surely free of sexually transmitted diseases, first and foremost. Soooo many people have STDs nowadays and don’t even know it.
I am not interested in casual sex and have a strong monogamous orientation. So, if a guy is a virgin because he’s waiting for the “right person”, that’s good because it probably means we have similar values. Perhaps he would be less prone to stray if he’s used to controlling his urges for the sake of his convictions, so that’s even better.
I also think it would be nice to start with a clean slate and be able to teach other about what we like rather than having past experiences interfere. I think it’s more important for a guy to be open to learning than to be “experienced”.
The only downside I would see with virgins is that there are guys out there who are virgins for “weird” reasons that would interfere with having a relationship (i.e., the Oedipal complex type thing mentioned). But there are also probably guys out there who are promiscuous for “weird” reasons (sexual addiction, insecurity about their masculinity, etc.) so I suppose it balances out in the end.
My first time was with another virgin and have to say it wasn’t a very pleasurable experience for either of us, however It did improve quickly and we stayed together for many years. I think it’s nice if both are virgins because you can learn and grow together.
I wouldn’t particularly like a virgin now, at my age that would be too weird. When I was younger though I dated both and it didn’t bother me either way.
Teenage stuff aside, I don’t think I’ve even slept with a virgin. I have no desire to date one either: (i) I’m 24 and I’m not attracted to guys younger than me; and (ii) I definitely wouldn’t be attracted to a man who was both older than me and still a virgin.
No offense to any 25 year old virgins out there, but once I got over my shock I still wouldn’t be interested.
Slept with a virgin once. I think I was in my late twenties, he maybe a couple years younger, not much. I knew he was just coming out, but didn’t know he was a virgin (male or female).
Anyway, it didn’t end well. I was in the Army, he was in the Airforce. I was stationed in CA, he in CO. Plus, he was married with children. No, not that way. It was a marriage of convenience, the wife knew beforehand and the kids weren’t his. But he loved kids and wanted to be their father and his friend needed “father” type support for her kids.
So he fell head over heels with me and I couldn’t reciprocate that kind of intensity. I wasn’t about to leave the Army and move to CO, and I certainly didn’t want him to do something silly like leave the Airforce, or his kids. I didn’t think he could really leave his kids anyway but I sure wasn’t going to be the reason he did.
Had to break his heart. I tell ya, seeing a grown man break down in tears because you’ve just ripped out his heart, salted and vinegared it and shoved it back in is just not a nice feeling. Plus, he really was a great guy and I really liked him. It’s not like I’m a heartless man-bitch.
He cried in his car the whole way from California to Colorado. He called me along the way & I was glad he did 'cause I was almost afraid he’d drive his car off a bridge or something. After awhile he decided it was emotionally easier to hate me & I didn’t hear from him again.
Blah. I don’t think I’d do it again unless I was prepared to be completely fallen in love with and I was pretty sure I was, or could be, feeling the same thing.
I don’t see why it would be a big deal to do so. Either way, if you do eventually go all the way you have to figure out what the other one likes and enjoys no matter how many people they have slept with. I think most guys like a little advice on what women want anyway. If it never got to that and it was purely dating, it would almost take some of the pressure off and you wouldn’t have to worry about the pitter patter of little feet or any other dilemas. I waited till I was 22 and by that point there was no way I was going to do something like that on a one night stand ~ I am sure some guys feel the same way. Of course I am now a happily married lady and luckily out of the crazy dating pool. Good luck to all still swimming and searching
Like Queen Tonya, there was a time in my youth (high school/uni) where I was into virgins. I didn’t actively seek them out but if I found out that a guy I fancied was, well it made things all the more interesting. I liked the idea of actually teaching them what women’s bodies were about. How not to jerk them around either mentally or sexually. Also, the whole “immortality” deal was a thrill to my vanity as well. How matter how many women came after, I would be remembered. He might even tell his son about his first time, his memory of me playing a part in that tale.
Hell, I still talk to a guy who who lost his virginity to me 15 years ago.
I don’t have a whole lot to add in terms of opinion - I agree with everyone else that it is a non-issue unless it is for a creepy reason, well, for those under 25, anyway. At 32, I would be suspicious of a virgin now. Rusty and been several years, no problem, though.
But I did want to say I am NOT in support of “don’t ask, don’t tell”, well, unless you leave it that way. At 18, I dated a guy two years older who had just broken up with a girl he had dated for nearly 4 years. I just assumed anyone in a relationship that long would not be a virgin. He told me afterward that it had been his first time and I was pretty upset. If I had known it was going to be his first time, I would have done things more memorably. We only dated a couple more times after that, but it had nothing to do with why we didn’t stay together.
So, either tell them before hand, or don’t tell them at all. I do not vote for hide it before and tell them after.
I was with a guy once in high school that I think was a virgin, but he claimed he wasn’t and seemed uncomfortable with it, so I didn’t pry.