At least, I THINK we’re dating. This woman is acting kind of strange. She obviously wants to hang out with me, but I suspect she want to be “friends” or something. (fat chance) But it’s awfully early in the game yet, so who knows? We have so much in common that’d be a shame if nothing came of it. We have similar tastes, and think very much alike.
(And for people who say “shame on you” for my not wanting to be just friends with her, I figured out long ago that in circumstancs like these, only the woman benefits from such an arrangement. What guy wants to hang out with a woman he is attracted to who isn’t interested in him?)
I guess the reason for posting this was to ask: is this weird? Has anybody on here ever dated any “old” virgins before? Anything I should look out for?
I lasted until age 27 before partaking of carnal lust. But I don’t know that I could be particularly insightful – I probably wouldn’t tell you much of anything that wouldn’t apply to being sensitive to a partner of any age.
Hey, I was an “old” virgin, and so was my hubby. We ended that (with each other, ‘case your wonderin’) on my 26th birthday–which happened to be 3 days after his 27th birthday. Happy birthday to us!
It probably relates to religion or some other conservative upbringing (as was the case with us), but it may not be true. And BTW, religious/conservative upbringing does not make one so in bed! As far as “anything to look out for” goes, well, just be careful when you’re physical with her; although that depends on how physical she’s been in the past. Heh heh–just remember, slow and steady wins the race.
Congrats on the almost-girlfriend, Liz. Keep us updated!
How do you know she’s a virgin. This is not to imply that she is not one, just that how it came up may be a hint as to where the relationship is going.
I mean if she met you and 30 seconds later said, “I am a virgin and you’re not getting any!” suggests to me that probably you should look in other directions for any sort of relationship with this woman.
On the other hand if after a sip of wine she looked into your eyes and said softly, “I just love men who identify with reptiles, and oh, by the way, virginity is such a burden.” I would say you’re looking good.
I imagine, however, it came up some place between the two poles established, so how did she broach the subject?
“Old” virgins can be great! It all depends on the reason she’s a virgin. If she’s not really into men, sucks to be you.
On the other hand, she may be religious (may be good or bad, depending on your personal philosophy). She may just be shy, or conservative, or only a “technical” virgin. (If you have to ask…)
Or, she may be waiting for just the right person. Maybe she’s never been in love, and is waiting for that. Or, maybe she’s been waiting to be in love, and is thinking, “Well, heavy ‘like’ is good enough at this point.”
My point is, you won’t know unless you ask. And, while you’re at it, I wouldn’t mention that you asked a bunch of people on the internet if we thought she was weird. Or implied that she was old for that matter…she could be a virgin for quite a while.
Perhaps its different for female virgins than male virgins.
I took my ex’s virginity when he was 25, and it went downhill form there.
He always wanted it, I mean I like sex, its great, with the right person, perhaps that should have clued me in, but I digress.
But if it wasn’t the right time, or for whatever reason, I wasn’t in the mood, he would rant and rave how I had taken his virginity and now it was my fault because he wanted it all the time. Please, eh?
Even after it was over, it was still my fault and blah blah blah.
But this is from a females point of experience.
And if shes still a virgin, theres probably a reason why. Perhaps shes saving herself for marriage, the right person, ect. ect.
I would say figurativly, feel the situation out. Find out why shes still a virgin, and proceed with caution.
I’m a male, 27 year old virgin. I don’t think I’m “old” by the way. I’m hoping there are a lot of virgin females in my age bracket out there. It’s kind of a prerequisite of mine. It’s certainly not “odd,” I think it’s admirable, which I why I seek that same trait in a partner.
Assuming she is reasonably attractive, I would think you may have to sidestep some big landmines to get to her. Conservative religious? Starry-eyed romantic? More-than-usual trouble with intimacy? Unreasonably fearful of sex because of something in her past?
Of course, this is coming from someone who came of age in the late '60’s so I think anybody who is still a vigin at that age probably has some major malfunction. YMMV.
She has not had sex with the men she has known before you, but why does this mean that she isn’t interested in you? She obviously does not get round heels at the first sign of interest, give it a chance, it might just be worth the wait.
I had a friend in this situation, and he did end up dating the woman and eventually being the one to take her virginity. The word of advice that I would give you is this: IF her reasons for remaining a virgin are moral/religious, please make sure that you share her moral/religious views. My friend didn’t realize what it meant to be The One, and because they hadn’t talked about the implications, he ended up in a situation where the woman made the assumption that marriage was the obvious way to go.
Needless to say, they broke up, but my friend still feels badly that he didn’t realize how seriously she took it, and that in not realizing, managed to not only make his own life miserable, but also left her in a situation that compromised her own religious views.
I’m unclear on how her virgin status factors into the equation. You aren’t specific, but the way you mention it makes me wonder if you see it as a problem. It really shouldn’t be. The few ladies I’ve know who held onto their virginity for that long may have had their reasons, but were still very sexual creatures. They were open to, and interested in, intimate relationships much like anyone else.
I suggest you do exactly what you seem to be avoiding here: Talk to her about it. While you are busy working up the courage, you should probably treat her the same way you would treat anyone else you were interested in… Unless of course that involves humping her leg and pawing at her like a dog in heat. In which case I think we know why she might prefer to wait a bit longer.
Former “old virgin” checking in. I was 26 when I met the man I would eventually marry. Religious/conservative upbringing and a natural tendency to be skeptical about peoples’ motives contributed. When I found my husband, I knew I could trust him, and of course, by that time I was terribly tired of being an “old virgin”. All I can say is go slow and make damned sure she’s prepared if you do go the distance. Be patient. That’s the most important thing, both in waiting for the right time, and when the right time comes.
Wow. I didn’t expect so many replies. To answer some of the most common questions:
1- I know she is a vigin because she said she was, and I have no reason to think she’s lieing.(is that how you spell that?) The subject came up when were playing 20 Questions on our first date. I asked her what was the worst sex she’d ever had, and with whom. That was her answer.
2- I’m not positive why she’s still a virgin. She is religious, but I wouldn’t say more so than a lot of people. She definitely seems like the romantic type. She said: “I won’t settle for anything less than mad, pasionate love.” She said her virginity was “the greatest gift she could give her husband.”
This is not a case of social ineptness - I’m sure of that.
3- The biggest reason I would be willing to live with this is because if someone would have asked me to imagine a woman I would like to marry, this woman comes pretty close to what I would have that of. I haven’t known her that long, but our personalities, tastes, beliefs, hobbies, etc. all match closer than anyone I’ve known before. This leads me to take her quite seriously as a candidate for a very serious long-term relationship. I realized recently that for the first time I’m reaching a phase of life where I both desire such a thing AND am capable of it.
4- My main worry here is that I don’t really know how she feels about me. She as much said we could just wind up as friends, which as I said above would be unsatisfactory. I’m used to gauging overall atraction through physical cues, but she gives none. I’ve contemplated all sorts of possibilities; she’s frigid, she’s not interested, she’s leading such a busy life right now that she doesn’t have much energy, etc.
I’m preparing myself to be let down, but right now I have so little to go on I’m not sure what to think.
I don’t feel like this girl is stringing me along, because we’ve only dated a few times. She is making an effort to hang out with me, but I’m not sure whether that in itself means anything. She might do that for all her “friends.” I don’t know where I stand with her, and I’m afraid if I asked the answer would be something I don’t want to hear.
Before reading these posts, I would have never guessed there were so many 26 or 27 yo virgins out there!
Lizard, take your time, she is going to expect that and if you try to rush her, you will scare her away. Talk to her, find out what she wants with you, and tell her what your intrested in also. Do not go all the way with her unless you really mean it! This is important, the amount of pain you will put her through if you just nab her cherry and dump her will not make up for the joy of the conquest!
Nah, I’m not into the whole “joy of conquest” thing. In truth, she is a formidable person who I’m pretty sure i couldn’t force/rush into anything. She’s one of the few people I’ve ever met who I could tell right away was as smart as me, which is one reason I’m attracted to her.
We ended that (with each other, ‘case your wonderin’) on my 26th birthday–which happened to be 3 days after his 27th birthday. Happy birthday to us!
As far as “anything to look out for” goes, well, just be careful when you’re physical with her; although that depends on how physical she’s been in the past. Heh heh–just remember, slow and steady wins the race.