It’s been my experience. I just knew. The whole reason it’s miserable is that you know, and you feel like an idiot or an insecure goof for being suspicious, but you know. Then you feel like a jerk for a long time and then you wind up finding out that you were right.
Do you agree that the partner getting cheated on always knows?
I’m watching Ryan’s Daughter right now and Robert Mitchum just knew. I think you can tell because there is this distance. You can’t hide it. One minute you are like one person, but then all of a sudden, you’re back to being 2 people again. There’s no way to hide that.
Always? No, not at all. I’m aware of couples where affairs went on so long, the partner would probably have become suspicious if the affair had stopped due to changed behaviour.
I think lots of people don’t know. But I have very little experience–I don’t know many people who have cheated, or at least who have been found out–and so what do I know?
I think the partner always suspects, and that suspicion may or may not come to realization (may be the wrong word?), but if it does it will leave the partner feeling like they knew it all along, even if they had suspected it for much longer than the cheating was going on.
You might think you know, and that is just as bad as it actually happening (maybe worse, 'cause it’ll nag at you). If you “know”, its over then, isn’t it? Even if it didn’t.
It’s a sad time, but the only way to prove this would be to test for all 4 combinations of one partner suspecting / not suspecting and the other one cheating / not cheating.
I expect there would be examples of people suspecting their partner unfairly…
I think that cheaters often comfort themselves with the idea that thier partner “knows, but doesn’t want to see it”. If you twist that just the right way, it’s almost like you aren’t lying to them at all.
My first husband cheated on me. I didn’t have a clue. Apparently they had “quickies” IN MY CAR and I still didn’t know. Took a long time for me to learn to trust again.
No, not at all. Cheating is like someone trying to be a magician. Some people are terrible at it and you know that they just slipped that coin to the other hand. Others can pull things off so well that what is going on is absolutely invisible even under close scrutiny. If you believe that most people get caught or their partners “know”, then you are simply working with a biased sample. For every one of those that get caught, there are many more that pulled it off without a hitch and it will remain a secret forever.
