Yes, I care very much. I don’t want details, lists, or numbers, but I think both parties should be open and honest if they other person wants information.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we haven’t gone into too much detail. He’s shared a bit with me about some previous relationships, I have nothing to share really.
A lot of it is context. This
–so true.
It’s pretty important to me that the man I’m with was never a cheater, or even into having many or casual sexual relationships… trying to have a monogamous relationship with a guy who has had desire for lots of sex with lots of difference women can lead to more problems/challanges than with a man who has a history of more serious relationships and monogamy (serial or otherwise) and doesn’t like that sort of excitement. Not in my experience, because I’ve barely dated, but over many years of observation of other people.
I was slightly surprised to see myself in a substantial majority on this one. Over the years (46 of them and counting) all the stories on both sides have come out, but really it would make no difference if they hadn’t.
Can’t answer the poll as worded; if I say “no” it implies that I have no interest in what were probably salient features of my partner’s prior life, but I have a suspicion that a “yes” vote would imply some kind of desire on my part that my partner not have a rich and varied sex life prior to our becoming partners.
Why on earth would you want to go out with someone who wanted to pretend you hadn’t been with anyone else before you met?
Seriously?
I’ve always dated from within my pool of friends (up until Oni no Husband, who I met through work), and so when he was getting to know my friends there were several times when we came home from parties and I was all “Okay, you met Ron, who I dated for 4 years, and Sean, who I went out with for about a year and a half…now, Wayne, who you were chatting with, we just had a one-night-stand one time, and John, well, we made out a few times but it never went past that.”
I mean, if you’d been introduced to someone, and you knew there was at least some possibility that your sweetie had spent some happy hours in their company, wouldn’t you want to know whether it had happened or not, instead of having to wonder? And if they had been a significant part of your sweetie’s life, wouldn’t you want to know that? It didn’t ever occur to me to withhold the information.
The only time I felt it might impact things was when we were in the process of getting married - I wanted the aforementioned Wayne to be a bridesdude, and I asked Oni no Husband if he would rather I didn’t because of the brief liason. He said no, and Wayne was among Team Bridesfolk.
I don’t want to see a list of all his previous relationships but I do want to get a general idea if he can count them on one hand or if he needs four or more. And I don’t need to know their names unless she would be a friend of mine.
I don’t even want to know about my past romantic relationships. Heck, if electroshock therapy could erase selective memories from my consciousness (e.g. my chipmunk & bubble wrap phase), I’d gladly swab the conducting jelly on my temples, stick on the electrodes and flip the switch (hmmm, come to think of it, that sounds kind of erotic…but, I digress).
So, no, details concerning my past romantic history are explicitly and completely off limits. On the other hand, I do insist on full disclosure from my wife, including color schematics, cutaway diagrams and sworn testimonials.
I answered other. It doesn’t bother me that my partner had other relationships before me and I don’t expect him to conceal his past but there’s no “should tell” about it. It would just be pretty weird if I expected him to censor his past lovers and wives out of his reminiscences. And like several others I’m interesting in hearing about the stuff he did before he met me, whether it involves schooling, jobs, friends, pets or exes.
The only reason I can think of to care about a SO’s previous relationship is if she were still a presence somehow. Otherwise, it’s not that big of a deal.
I think knowing about previous relationships, experiences, and breakups can be very insightful into how a relationship with that person will be. I don’t know about ‘full disclosure’, but nothing should be purposely hidden. It should just come out in natural conversation. Now, do I need a run-down of all your exes, names, history, etc…absolutely not. But it seems like a natural progression of a relationship to discuss past relationship history, as well as your goals for the future.
I voted other. I generally only want to know to the extent that the other person is willing to share. I’m not interested into prying in depth into someone’s history. Granted, I’ve dealt with quite a bit of insecurity with regard to my love life, so I’m definitely curious. But I don’t think that automatically makes it my business.
I wouldn’t want to intentionally avoid it, either. I recognize that my SO’s relationship history is a huge part of who they are as a partner with me.
I voted Other. If I was single again, I certainly wouldn’t want an inventory of past relationships from a SO, but I’d want her to be someone comfortable in talking about them if they came up naturally in conversation. I wouldn’t want to feel there were parts of a SO’s past that she wanted to treat as off limits. When I met my wife, my past relationships were certainly part of what I was, and the same was true of her.
So ‘no’ to full disclosure, but I’d expect her to share the important stuff, and minor stuff if it came up naturally.
I only really need to know the important stuff, like, “my ex gave me herpes” or something. If it’s going to adversely affect my life and health, you’re damn right I wanna know. Other than that I don’t care, he can tell me if he wants. Just don’t harp on about how gigantic her tits were.
