Do you ever get scared...

This is for the other single women on the board.

Do you ever get really scared at night? I mean the kind of scared that keeps you awake, wondering if you heard someone or something, wondering if you could get to a weapon if someone broke in, if you could get the kids out if there was a fire/prowler…

I never worried at my old place…it was an up & down duplex, and there was a man upstairs, and I knew if I screamed he would hear me. Since the move,(end of July) I never though about it at the new place, but the other night, I heard something at the front door, and I got up to check it out (1:55 am) and the screen door was blowing in the wind.Before I opened the door to close it, I tried to turn on the outside light…nothing. I figured it was burnt out. I shut and locked the screen door and the inside door too…

2:55 am, I awake from a peaceful dream about nothing important. I am sure I heard a terrible pounding on the screen door…my heart was beating so hard I was afraid I would pass out! I sat there terrified, I thought I heard someone around the outside of the trailer, and I was staring at the window…sure I would see a face or something. Fortunately…the blind was almost all the way down, and the sheers were reflecting the light from outside…so noone could see in or out. I was too scared to get up and check it out.

Last night I turned on the outside light…and IT WORKED.

I just dont know what to make of this. I live in a quiet tidy moblie home community (trailer park) and even at 2 55 am on a fri night…there are still people awake…I cant imagine someone was trying to scare me…why would they? But I really thought I heard something…and my inner alarm was going full blast. I cant remember being so scared before.

Anyone have a similar experience?

As I have mentioned on other occasions, read “The Gift of Fear” by Dr. Gavin deBecker. I can paraphrase what he talks about but he is the real expert. It is a great book, well written and he keeps the subject matter interesting.

There are two things of great importance to keep in mind with regards to fear:

  1. Don’t be afraid of being scared. Fear is a natural and powerful instinct. Use it to your advantage. Also, remember that fear only exists of things that are not happening.

When you are sitting alone in the dark you might be scared of somebody climbing through your window ;however, the moment somebody climbs through your window you will no longer fear that happening because it is happening (instead you will fear what they will do).
So remember when you are scared what you are scared of is not happening, but you are feeling fear because your inner mind has detected something that it wasn’t expecting and depending on what is detected it may now from previous experience or knowledge could be harmful.

This is why for example parents can seemingly ignore the cries of their baby to the annoyance of those around them. Quite simply they are used to it.

  1. It is of extreme importance not to generate fear in your own mind! In the words of deBecker, this creates a buzz in your mind that will dull you to real things that are happening and real things that should concern you! An example, when walking through a deserted parking lot it is important not be thinking “I am afraid of being attacked.” This is a generated fear, rather trust your instincts to detect those things which should cause you fear like somebody following you, or movement in the shadows.

What more could you expect from somebody who lets people kick him to the head?

In response to that question, I don’t have kids, I know the way out if there’s a fire, and the knife I keep under my pillow should take care of any prowlers. So, no, I sleep pretty soundly. Except that my pillow’s kinda lumpy, from the knife, but hey…

I do remeber being exceedingly frightened as a kid once (i think i was about 8 or 9 years old). I’d taken a trip to the bathroom in the middle of the night, and hadn’t bothered to put the light on…I liked to maintain my night vision…when i heard the front door of the house open and this was immediately followed by a crash. I thought it was a burglar for sure. I ran back to my room, slammed the door, moved my bed against it and tried to shout really loud, but just like in the movies, nothing came out, not a sound. Anyway, a few moments (seemed like hours) later, my mum asked ‘what the hell i was playing at’…my dad had come in after a few beers and had fallen over my bike which i’d left in the passageway. Oops. But that was real terror.

BTW, my post is not a criticism of kellibelli or ridiculing her fear. It is intended simply as a bit of knowledge concerning the nature of fear.

Kelli, one quick point. If anything even remotely resembling that ever happens again, call the cops.

They’d be the first to tell you that that’s their job. And they’d much rather respond to a dozen “false alarm” prowler calls than have to catch one guy that did do a rape/kill thing. Or even a simple burglary. Don’t be embarrassed about calling. Or if you still are, consider that it’s a whole lot better to be embarrassed, alive, and safe, than the other way around.

Kelli, I think it would be a good idea if you mentioned this to some of your neighbours. If someone is trying to frighten you or break in, it would be good if others knew about this event. If it turns out to be nothing, no harm done.
And if it was one of your neighbours that tried this stunt, the word would be out that you’re alert and aware.

Hope it turns out to be nothing.

Yes, kelli, I used to a lot (before living with my SO).

I was fortunate in that I knew (translate dated, broke up and remained good friends with) some local county sheriffs…they did a lot of drivebys at night to check on things. There was a psychotic ex involved, restraining orders, death threats, banging on windows, breaking in while I was out…long story.

ANYWAY, get that outside light checked out. Seriously.

Kelli, is there any chance it’s shitboy? I know you said he’s not dangerous, but he sounds enough of a jerk to try and scare you, thinking it’s “funny.”

I hang my housekeys on a jailer’s ring over the doorknob, and I remember waking up late one night to hear the keys rattling. I actually felt my heart stop and I felt just like Jamie Lee Curtis in all those slasher movies–turned out it was the wind blowing through my apt. and rattling the keys. But, BOY was I scared.

One thing to keep in mind: never walk down the cellar stairs in a shortie nightgown, carrying a candle and saying “is anyone there?” in a shaky voice.

I too have read the Gavin DeBecker book and seen him on Oprah. One of the things discussed was how as women we are used to having our fears dismissed as “silly” and are often taught to ignore them or they’re scoffed at as “women’s intuition” with a roll of the eyes. Also, we are taught to be polite first and foremost and often we walk right into dangerous situations rather than be thought of as rude. For example if the elevator doors open and there’s a frightening looking man in the car, we’re likely to get on the car and hope for the best rather than wait for the next car and insult the guy who may possibly be a killer or rapist. I guess my point is that although her first instict was probably “Something is funny, I should call the cops” she probably talked herself out of it by saying stuff like “Oh, don’t be hysterical, you don’t want to waste their time, it’s probably nothing.” Fear is something that you have to learn to use, pretty much. That’s the premise of the book, it’s really good. I recommend it also.

I will mention it to the neighboors…but I still wonder if I dreampt it.

Shitboy wouldnt bother, he just hasnt got the drive necessary to harass someone.

I would have definately called the polise if I had heard a peep after I was fully awake.

It was last fri night, and ‘B’ was over all night sat…so it could possibly have been a prank…BUT there are neighboors so close, it would be a really dumb stunt, and the owner/manager of the park is truly anal about stuff like this. If he hears your dog has been barking or your kids running the streets late at night, he shows up at your door…so, all things considered, its a really safe place to life.
But, the security in a mobile home is limited to ‘how bad does someone want in?’

I will be careful,promise. Maybe I will leave the light on outside from now on.

Oh, Glitch…I didnt take it as critism at all. :slight_smile:

      • Neuro-trash grrrl, a knife is a very very very very very poor substitute for a firearm. If you aren’t really trained and practiced in knife-fighting techniques it is almost guaranteed you will fail against an attacker who is likely to be male and therefore also likely to be larger and stronger than you. A .22 revolver is WAY better to have than a knife. Shooting someone is a horrible thought, but one even worse than that is thinking what they’ll dress you in for your funeral. - MC

I live in Canada…I like the knife idea…

Beats throwing rocks.

This reminds me of an experience my sister had when she was about 17 or so; almost exactly the same thing.

She was home alone, it was very late, and she had just gone to bed. Suddenly, somebody began hammering at the back door. Mom and Dad had issued strict orders that no one was to be admitted until they got back.

The back door was adjacent to the kitchen window. So what did my demure, frail, and retiring sibling do? She snapped on the light right over the kitchen table (which was sure to be seen by whoever was outside), held my father’s 763 Mauser directly underneath the light, and started shoving a clip of live ammunition into the magazine.

She later said she had no idea who was outside banging on the door, but whoever it was went away.

I never argue with her, by the way…

Ok – I’ll say this and then someone will yell at me and it’d turn into a big fight except I’m not going to respond back to them anyway – so humph!

No weapon is really useful without training. A .22 was reccommended, except that I’ve read that a large male can be shot several times in the chest with a .22 and not drop, so how useful is that? So get a bigger gun? Then you still have to learn how to use it effectively. Not to mention keeping a gun loaded with live ammo under your pillow seems like one of the stupider things to do.

So… I dare say a knife under your pillow is about as effective as a gun. Unless he has a gun. But even then, you pulling a gun means one of you is going to shoot the other person; so if you’re not sure you can fatally shoot someone, you’d better not pull a gun out and force him to use his. If he doesn’t have a gun, I doubt he’s a ninja knife fighter and isn’t very happy with the idea of being stabbed with a large cake knife and would rather leave.

Oh yeah… my point. A knife is probably about 80% as effective as a firearm under your pillow and 190% safer.

Maybe you should just adopt a large dog, Kelli.

“I guess it is possible for one person to make a difference, although most of the time they probably shouldn’t.”

Actually MC, if you want to use a firearm to protect yourself, a short-barrelled shotgun loaded with 2-3/4 inch shells and number 8 shot is an even better choice than a .22 revolver for several reasons:

  1. You don’t have to be nearly as accurate, just point the thing in his direction. In study after this is what most people do anyway, regardless of the firearm of choice.
  2. Unless you hit the bastard point blank, it’s probably not going to be fatal, but it will sure cool his ardor.
  3. The small shot won’t go through walls and possibly injure innocents.

On the downside though, it can be tough to navigate hallways and doorways with the longer barrel.

And just a final thought which applies to all firearms used for self-defense, don’t ever get it out just to threaten; you must be prepared to actually use it.

“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” - Humphrey Bogart

Consider getting a dog. Most intruders will not enter a house with a dog in it, and if they try the dog will alert you to their presences. In addition, you’ll have the psychological benefit of not feeling alone in the house.

It’s foolish, stupid, and crazy to store a loaded firearm in a house with children. In my state, it’s also illegal.

Next time call the cops, get 'em out of that all night donut house. Try an alarm system. Put lights outside all around the house. Get a dog or a really mean cat. Learn Kung-Fu.


P.S. Does “B” stand for Bubba?

Glitch said:

“Also, remember that fear only exists of things that are not happening.”

Damn, I wish I knew that when I did the World’s Highest Bungy Jump (216 meters, you do the math) last year in South Africa :wink: I nearly shit myself over that one… but I suppose it’s not really comparable to someone lurking around your trailer at night.


“You know how complex women are”

  • Neil Peart, Rush (1993)