Well, I have to admit, I’ve been misrepresenting myself here on the straight dope this entire time.
You see, I’m actually a rich, pretty attractive, female quadriplegic. Umkay? 
Coaching Youth Soccer. They don’t appreciate the “F-Bomb”. 
One time in about the 4th grade I had a mad crush on a pretty little blond in my class. She barely knew I existed. One day she was riding her bike down my street and a large german shepard took up after her. I ran into the street and tackled the dog yelling at her to take off. I actually new the dog quite well. The next day her mother and herself came by my house to thank me and telling my mom I was the bravest little kid they had ever seen. I just let them go on believing it and I started walking her home from school each day.