What the hell is a true self you ask? Well in this OP it means your true beliefs and motives. Like the reason you are cynical of the police is because you’ve seen real police brutality, but you let most people think it is has more to do with logic than experience. Then there is your fondness for cute animals which you don’t tell your buddies about. Spending nights looking through icanhascheezburger.com and then clearing your browser history. Resiting the urge to squee over an incredibly cute cat while humans are present. Something like that, which I wouldn’t personally know anything about.
For this thread, please answer these questions:
Do you hide your true self from most people? If so, then why?
Whether it’s by choice or by accident, how many people know who you really are?
If we talked for an hour, how different would that person be from who you really are? How long would it take for me to understand you and what you’re about?
I just want to understand why people hide themselves, from who, and how hard they try.
Most people don’t even know their true selves as they’ve spent most of their lives (unconsciously) convincing themselves they believed certain things in place of others. I try my best to reveal my true self when I understand what the truth is.
But people want to be liked and accepted, and I’m no different. So we end up putting on a facade (not usually consciously) when surrounded by people who believe certain things or who we think expect others to act a certain way.
I think the notion of a True Self is a bit of a simplistic one – yes, I am different when I’m with different circles of friends, or with my girlfriend, or my dad, than when I’m on my own, but does this really make the on-my-own me any truer?
I don’t think so – every social group we belong to forms a kind of separate entity, a group identity, even a superpersonal ego, if you will. It’s like chemical bonds: carbon and hydrogen atoms are fundamentally different from benzene in their properties, but they don’t have to hide their carbon- or hydrogen-ness in order to make a ring, indeed, their properties are essential for being able to do so.
Besides, at least speaking for myself, I am by no means an immutable being of True Selfness when I’m on my own – my moods may change, my reactions and actions are not necessarily entirely predetermined by any fundamental characteristic that may constitute the real me – I might have a tad more endorphines floating around in my system after eating a bit of chocolate, I might have just heard a song that made me sad, anything like that.
I’m not sure I see the need for assuming there’s some sort of ‘core’ within me, beneath those changing layers, that constitutes a deeper truth, or something like that. Might well be that those changing layers are all there is, that I am a dynamical and multi-faceted being, and that, by extension, I am not hiding something in different settings – I merely am, myself, different, as a part of a social structure that’s different from its constituent parts.
Then again, I might think completely differently about that tomorrow.
There are probably lots of things like this that I’m not thinking about right now, but this one’s been on my mind lately so here’s mine:
I’m really very shy and insecure. At work or in public, I generally project and outgoing, easy-to-talk-to, likeable, socially-involved persona. But deep down I’m sure that everyone thinks I’m a huge dork and that no one really wants to spend time with me. I’m always surprised when, after working up the courage to ask friends if they want to get together, some of them actually say yes.
This is me.
Most everything else about me is ‘what you see is what you get’. But I go to great lengths to hide my basically anti-social, depressive, moody self. (though the anti-social probably comes from the depression)
Well, if you’re confused about what you really want, you can say that. This is about intentionally hiding things that you know about yourself.
People suppress really enjoyable habits just so that others won’t think they are weird. Some people don’t even care and will launch into a WOW rant from the moment I meet them. Others will wait until I know them a little better before they discuss their obsessions.
Maybe this should have been about nerdy hobbies that people don’t reveal. Though there are other things that people hide. Like that they have been betrayed as a kid and now have trouble trusting people. Some people hide stuff like that and others don’t. A guy I know told me his drug abuse history from the moment I met him.
It varies, and I was wondering why and to what kind of extent.
Do I hide my true beliefs and motives? Not from someone I am interacting with, whom I have any interest in having a meaningful relationship with–such as a friendship.
I love it when I meet someone who seems to have a genuine interest in learning who I really am…and who actually is capable of not jumping to a quick and easy definition based upon answers to a couple questions. But alas, that rarely happens.
At work, I maintain a persona appropriate for work, since my dark dark thoughts would be frowned upon there. Ok, just kidding…but my dark sense of humor, my desire to laugh myself to tears about life’s absurdities, and my “genuine” feelings about things at work…well…I am paid to care about things while at work…but I don’t go around telling them that.
With family, for the most part they assume they know who I am and I don’t try much to change their set viewpoint. I will answer questions honestly when asked, but I won’t argue with them when they flaunt their assumptions about who I am and why I do what I do.
hmmm tough one. The people that know me best…each of course see me in a different way. They each know part of my true self I suppose.
I think the honest answer to that question is noone knows who I really am except me.
I do have a number of people who love me deeply and some who really appreciate parts of me… and I cherish them. What more can you want, but to be loved and have your unique qualities appreciated? But to say any one of them fully knows my true self…I would say only one besides me comes close…my best friend Chris who I never see anymore.
That depends on how good you are at asking questions…How perceptive you are, how capable are you of understanding me… I remember when my sister’s fiance sat me down for 3 hours and said, “I need to get to know you, I haven’t ever met or spoken with you…” Oh man that went horribly… Of course I was rather abrasive back then, and he is utterly different than me…really not someone who could get to know me… If someone like him did the same thing today… I would say, I would simply humor him with light weight chit chat so that he feels at the end of the conversation like he accomplished his mission of “getting to know me”…rather than do what I did… Maybe I should start a thread describing what I did during that conversation and see what everyone thinks of it… Was I a dick or did I have some noble reason… Anyways different topic.
