They should grasp my penis for that. 
Touche’
Not really. You ought to check into the study of nonverbal communication.
The majority of our feelings and attitudes are communicated through our behavior rather than our words. So being able to read a person’s body language, if you want to understand a person well, is a good skill to have.
I shake very lightly because of an experience I had in elementary school. I was horsing around with my friend and I really didn’t think I was trying hard, but apparently he had to go the hospital later with a chipped tooth and chipped bone in his elbow.
Pro-tip: If your handshake chips your friend’s tooth, it is probably a tiny bit too enthusiastic.
Handshakes being tantamount to rape will never stop being funny.
Well it certainly beats judging people by their words and actions. Effort-wise anyway.
As a woman, I rarely experience a man who will give me the *opportunity *to give a firm handshake. They tend to close their hand too soon, and turn our hands so mine is on top and they’ve got just my fingertips in their palm, like I’m a freaking Duchess expecting a hand kiss or something. Drives me bonkers. I know how to shake hands properly, dammit, so let me do it!
If you shake it more than twice, you’re playing with it.
I don’t let anyone do it for free.
I never shake hands with dead fish.
Fins either. 
Similarly I shake hands lightly because once when I was younger I got a little too enthusiactic and broke a friends femur.
Don’t shake a zombie’s hand too firmly, lest it snaps off at the wrist.
As to the topic on hand ( 
), In my experience the limp handshake is the norm for some cultures. I’ve noticed that it’s very common with men from China (Hong Kong) and the Mid-East (UAE) to give relatively weak handshakes.
Women are the worst for weak, limp handshakes (sometimes barely even grasping your fingertips). I give a good handshake, man! No dead fish here!
I know, right? One time as a dumb kid I was shaking hands with my buddy and I accidentally ripped his entire spine out through his mouth. And even though I was able to cram most of it back in there, he always walked with a bit of a limp after that and things were never really the same again between us.
A handshake with a “let me off asap” is equally confusing as a deadfish, esp when there are not many people to be introduced, uno being the worst.
I hate shaking hands at all, I probably do give a “dead fish” handshake since I’m mostly concentrating on not yanking my hand away.