Gotcha Ya!
Good god. :eek: What happened after that. (Unless this is a whoosh. Then :smack: )
While this story isn’t about porn buddies, there are times when you need to be careful. . .
One of my friends is an American living down in Kyushu, the southern island of Japan. One of his friends suddenly died a while back and the completely computer illiterate wife asked my friend to help cleaning up, printing out things from her deceased husband’s computer. My friend found evidence that this man was either having an actual affair or at least an emotional one, and was talking like he was going to try to dump his wife. Fortunately, my friend was able to delete that file without her finding out.
Some time ago, I half-jokingly asked my closest friend if she’d be interested, in the event of my (hopefully unlikely, thankyouverymuch) untimely death, in “cleaning up” my place prior to Mama’s arrival.
Her response: “Hell, no! I wanna BE there when your mother finds it!” I actually find this possibility to be hilarious, so I have no intention of getting a porn buddy.
(Yeah, yeah, I know…bad son. But, no, I really DO love my mother!)
But, y’know, it really doesn’t matter, since…
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I’d be dead, so what the hell would I care?
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Mama’s always known that I’m a bit…unusual (by most people’s standards, certainly, but especially by the standards of a South Carolina country girl of a certain age), so she just might surprise folks and not really be all *that * shocked upon discovering my “little husband” and other aides;
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I don’t think Mama even *knows * my address (honestly–I always have to give it to her whenever she needs to mail me something, and I’ve been in this place for three years now); and
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I’m the guy who has pics of naked men on his refrigerator (and condoms all over the apartment), so anyone who comes into my place–landlord (she likes the pics), workmen (wonder what they * must think), congresscritters, etc.–leaves with not much left to the imagination. And I should worry about what folks will find *after * I die? Meh.
*This does not, BTW, mean that I use any of my sexual enhancement aides for coffee table art. That kind of stuff I have discreetly tucked away. Well, at least until I get a coffee table.
Until it backfires.
Ma’am, is there anything you’d like in/around the casket for your son during the viewing?
Well, I guess you should put the electrified lamb there. I…suppose…he’d…want…it that way, I guess I just never really knew him.
Not exactly a porn-buddy story since I’m obviously still alive, but the late Desert Wife and I had a collection of print erotica – both pictures and words – and when we moved, it fit quite handily into a book carton that I labeled bluntly, “Porn.” Naturally it was DW’s 25-year old daughter who found it on the truck. My brother and I were busy erecting* shelves in the living room when I saw her carry it in, put it on a counter, and stared at it a long moment. Then she picked up a box knife, sliced the tape and hauled out a book, then a second. Quickly dropping them back into the carton, she then put it in the hallway closet, with another box on top. She never mentioned it, but I think she learned a bit more about her mum then she wanted to know.
*Ha!
I believe you’ve been whooshed.
Oh internet porn! I can’t imagine my life without you. You have brought so much joy and convenience.
I had a porn buddy about 10 years ago but I bet he’s forgotten our pact.
When I was a teenager I used to be sure I’d be hit by a bus any day so I was always going through my room and erasing any signs of ill-doings. Eventually I started to get a bit slack and sure enough one day my mom found a bag under my bed containing weird porn and a vibrator. For some reason she just tied up the bag and hid it in my hamper. I really didn’t feel like asking her ANY questions about it but I pictured her fishing the bag out from under the bed, looking inside and then proceeding to run around the room in a panic as if she’d found a live grenade and then plunging it into the hamper in case it exploded. Either that or the shock wiped out all memory of where she’d found it so she took a guess at where a person might have a bag of porn hidden. Knowing my mom either scenario is equally likely.
Anyway one time I had a serious car accident and one of my thoughts when I thought I was going to die was about my unmentionables at home and I had the distinct thought of, “oh wow that is absolutely not my problem now!” and it was quite a peaceful thought. I did have other thoughts that were less stupid but I remember it was very comforting to realize that when I’m dead I won’t really need my dignity.
A neighbor of mine whom I’ve known all my life, and who is in her 70s, was cleaning out her husband’s workshop by the garage, and she came across a stash of his hard core porn magazines (no, he wasn’t dead, just unlucky). For some reason she had to show me that when I was over there to mow their lawn. I really didn’t know what to say, although I made a feeble joke about how she could sell them on eBay. Still incredulous, I went to the front yard and started mowing the lawn, when she reappeared a few minutes later with the stack in her hands. “Would you like these to sell on eBay?” she said in all seriousness as she proferred them to me.
snerk A favorite saying that I’ve picked up from somewhere is, “Don’t ask a question if you really don’t want to know the answer.” Sounds like she did just that.
Hey, it was late at night.
How many of you people are planning to die before your mothers?!
This thread has me thinking that I should give my solicitor a note with my will with stuff like my email accounts and passwords, messageboard accounts and passwords, asking someone to deal with them in the event of my demise, like come on here and say “An Gadaí is toast” etc. As for pr0n I don’t own any of the oldskool type and I don’t own any toys.