Those remind me of an annoying comeback a friend of mine has. If someone asks him, “Are you coming?”, he replies, “Nope, just breathing hard.”
When I was in college, a friend of mine once walked in on his roommate while said roommate was masturbating. However, when he related this story to us, my friend used the euphamism “beating the bishop” to describe what the roommate was doing.
Insipired by the phrase “beating the bishop,” we came up with a list of alliterative ecclesiastical euphamisms for said act:
- Pounding the Pope
- Massaging the Monsignor
- Caressing the Cardinal
- Fondling the Friar
etc.
Garfield,
Mostly I’m correcting the “Power of a pool table” line. He definitely says “caliber of disaster indicated by the presence of a pool table in your community.”
I also looked it up in the libretto of the stage production, and the cue line is the same as I’ve posted above.
Quoth Garfield:
It seems to me that that’s a pretty obvious elision for “mother f***er”. I think that counts as containing dirty words, then 
I ran into a couple today that struck me funny:
**Tri-lateral commission
bi-metalic strip
**
And, I’ve been told my original post line needs changing.
“He wants to help wax her old Subaru” apparantly was mis-remembered from a Letterman joke:
"So how did it go with that girl you met yesterday?"
“We spent the night hotwaxing her Subaru, if you know what I mean.”
[aside]Paul? Do you get that? I don’t get that one.
Two phrases that were common in my old high school, both culled from pro wrestling:
“Son of a plumber!”
“That ugly mahucker!”
Obviously the last one is similiar to “Murhur,” as was one I started: after someone beaned me with a vegetable (hmmm…that sounds dirty too) I pointed a fork at them and said, “Fork you.”
“recipriversexclusion”
Sounds damn dirty…
There is sex wax, a real product used for surfboards.
Honestly, when I walked in all I wanted her to do was scope it for me. Since I’m one of her favorite customers, she field-stripped it right away. I figured she’d be impressed with my smooth action, but she just shook her head. “Your brass is kinda tight here, I think you need a little extra headspace.” Let me say I was thrilled by her attention to detail.
After that, I took it out back with her, and pumped off a few. I kinda sprayed all over the place, which was a little embarassing as you can imagine. She told me I jerked when I shot, and that my barrel was too light, which I sort of took personally. “Relax,” she said, “if we get you a heavier one it will maintain its stiffness longer, even during a really long session when it heats up.” Okay, I can appreciate a professional job, but she was suggesting major surgery! That piece is practically an extension of my body!
Anyway, I probably would have said no, except that she offered to pillar-bed it for half price. That convinced me. Since then, when I get her target in my sights, I keep it all in the same hole. I think she is the best gunsmith ever.
“that’s what she said” will do about as well as “said the actress to the bishop” and you don’t have to spend a lot of time explaining “actresses” or “bishops” to the culturally illiterate.
I have been having a lot of fun with the age-old “I got yer ______ (lampshade, copier, submarine, definition of God, whatever) right here” line lately. The more obtuse the reference, the better, it seems.
Example:
“I got yer obtuse right here!”
hahaha…lol…I was looking at the “View New Posts” section on SD and it said something similar to “does anyone know any phrases that sound dirty but have no dirty words - 69 replies”…hee, hee How ironic…
circumnavigation
introspection
conflagration
omnifarious
onomatopoeia
Santa Claus is coming.
viaduct
interpolation
stuffing turkeys
Do you like butter on your muffins?
(courtesy of a book of english slang written by a man WITH a PH.D)
(from the excellent-but-unknown movie All I wanna Do that I just rented):
Up your ziggy with a wawa brush
In my misspent youth on the high school newspaper, we came up with a top 10 list of euphemisms for the male member (that were newspaper-related), which included:
-The entertainment column
-The spread editor
(I assume, seeing the gunsmith story, that people have read the mouse balls memo?)
i support bush
Bush in 2000
hey, she stole my nuts
Dangling participle.
Yank the Crank
Bash the Bishop
Ring the Queen
Jerkin’ de Gherkin
wafty crank (not too subtle but i like it!)
5 knuckle shuffle
pull the tool
Actually most of these ARE dirty, sorry.
I’m surprised no one said this - it is definitely “dirty” but it has no dirty words.
“…rode hard and put away wet.”
It refers to riding a horse hard and then not combing it down and drying it before putting it in the stable. But my friends and I (and I’m sure many others) use it to describe women who look less than put together.
i.e. “Whoa, she looks like she was rode hard and put away wet.”
Also, instead of saying that a guy was a real ‘jerk off’, we’d say he was a “master debator.”
Tibs
I remember this phrase from Doctor Doctor (a damn good show starring Matt Frewer – you might also remember him as Max Headroom):
Pole vaulting in the Black Forest.