Depends on who I’m with, my mood, and how comfortable I am with the person/how long we’ve been together.
But generally I like to be the more passive partner. Sometimes this means I like to do less “work” but usually it just means it can be plenty sweaty but I prefer the other person to “lead”/take initiative.
Occasionally I like to play “taking turns”. First one person is in control and gets to do whatever they want, and then the other person.
This doesn’t mean I prefer to be the “bottom”. Not sure why the majority of the gay population is under the delusion that passivity or submissiveness means a particular sexual position. There are plenty of aggressive “bottoms” and submissive “tops”.
The question strikes me as odd. Maybe it’s just me, but most of my sex involves pretty equal exertion, at least over the course of the encounter, if not necessarily for each moment of it. And like others have mentioned, being the “receiving” partner does not in any way equal being a “passive” partner.
That said, for those times when we’re tired, or pressed for time, or for whatever other reason just want to get off and get on with it, I prefer to take the more “active” or “pace car” role. It’s just more efficient.
I tend to think of it more as dominant/submissive, and I tend to about 20/80 on that scale.
But then, I can’t not be active. I squirm, I buck, and I struggle, because it just feels so good, and I’m happiest when there’s someone to squirm, buck, and struggle against. Mind you, if I had a guy promise to squirm, buck, and struggle against me, the 20% would probably zoom much higher.
I can think of only twice that me taking the initiative has actually led where I wanted; too many times where it screwed things up somehow. Mind you, the “screwups” range from a bf who claimed I “had control issues” when I asked to get on top (we’d been doing the missionary for upwards of half an hour) to a guy running and hiding in the bathroom when I asked him to dance (along with his friends that my friends had also asked, it was Lady’s Choice) to another who, after I’d lifted his shirt and gone for the neck, spent the rest of the night making dead lamb eyes and claimng that “I have never met a girl like you, you’re amazing” (so kiss me again, moron!).
I guess it all comes down to fear of rejection, bleagh.
You know I’ve never really thought about whether I’m passive or active in sex (whether I’m topping or bottoming). I really can’t work out if I’m more one or the other.
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