What percent of wives don’t enjoy the act but just give in? And I don’t mean occasionally but always or most of the time. Doing it as a favor to your husband or just to shut him up or promote harmony isnt doing it because you want the act. Doing it because it gives you some snuggling time with the hubby doesnt count either cause you could always snuggle without the act (I have heard but dont believe it).
You’ve got 105 views on your topic and not a single answer.
I don’t know what that means exactly, but anyway…
There probably are women who give in even when they’re not really in the mood, but I think it would be better in the long run to talk to your partner about it.
I think that I would feel worse knowing that my partner was just going along instead of enjoying as well.
Maybe you should reference the ‘who’s a lousy lay?’ thread
I will eventually (next summer) be a wife, and I enjoy the act (immensely). There’s an element of timing, though. Very tired people can be rather un-horny people.
What makes me think this pertains to ‘the kind of woman you’d sleep with vs. the kind of woman you’d marry’ stereotypes?
Nothing like fatigue to kill the libido.
After I had my first child, I felt that I would have gladly done without sex forever - just wanted that precious sleep.
Actually they just don’t want to do the nasty with you
I think part of the reason may be the women aren’t as attracted to their husbands as they once were, maybe they’re not happy in the relationship, maybe they aren’t in love with them anymore. My first husband and I has sex a total of 6 times during our 2 year marriage. I had no desire to sleep with him and the mere thought of it made me nauseous (long story that’s been told before!) With my current SO, it doesn’t matter how tired we are or what’s been going on… we still do it 5-7 times a week. (sometimes more!)
I get the old “most wives don’t enjoy it” story. Sounds puritan to me. I so far have fatigue and slobs for husbands as reasons. Its not looking too . If it is fatigue, does the wife know thats the reason or is it just that the mood doesn’t occur.
Looking for a little insight into the strange creatures that we men need. Shows the ignorance of the evolution theory. If I am tired or sick or mad, then I know why I am not in the mood. But with women its something cosmic. They just aren’t and they don’t know why.
You know it can’t be me. I am way too lovable. Did I get a dud (in that way only) or did I make her like that or is it natural? Thats the eternal question around our house. actually its my eternal question, she doesn’t care. reminds me of that Bruce Springsten song “The River”. well only the doesnt care part.
Looking for female help here in my own delicate way.
I’m sure there are women out there who don’t enjoy sex for various reasons - past abuse, bad experiences, religious teaching or simply lack of knowledge of what makes them excited.
In a marriage, if it seems like the sex life is dwindling, that’s more an indication of other things going wrong as well. It’s important for the couple to reexamine their emotional needs.
for instance - if the wife is mad at the husband because she feels he expects the house to be clean but never helps at all, she’s not going to feel very sexy. Or if she feels like her husband takes her for granted, she doesn’t feel desirable. Or maybe they just need to explore some fun bedroom experiences.
I think that talking (outside of the bedroom) would be the key.When fatigue hit, my husband knew that a massage would be appreciated to help me relax. And some extra attention in helping me feel sexy (because you know how it is when you are a new mother) also helped.
Okay, my 2 cents here. A lot of women are very bad at expressing (or, sometimes, even recognizing) anger. Little resentments build up, often unnoticed, and manifest as a lack of desire for sex.
Another dynamic that may be at work is a perceived power inequity. The partner who wants sex least gains a lot of power in the relationship. A woman who feels relatively powerless may withdraw sexually in an unconscious attempt to gain some control.
This doesn’t mean she doesn’t enjoy sex. Sex may just be the battlefield.
There are some women who don’t enjoy sex, but among the women I have known as friends, they are rare. Most in that category have had traumatic experiences in the past. However, quite a few friends have lost sexual interest in their partner over anger or power issues.
Well, I am a wife no longer-- but was for 15 yrs.
Me personally-- I enjoyed it tremendously and rarely ever said NO. I had more of an appetite than my husband did.
Note: Don’t do drugs. it does not just kill brain cells.
I have a friend that uses it like a weapon. She will not give in unless her husband gives in to something(outside of sex) Seems unfair. I don’t think a woman should have to if they never want to there must be a problem.
One thing I don’t understand is women who have sex with a guy 10+ times a week while they’re dating but after they get married they do it twice a month. WTF! You mated like rabbits before you were married and now that you’ve “caught him” you don’t have to “put out” for him. What a crock.
If your wife’s not as interested in sex you need to talk to her and find out why. Does she still find you attractive? Is she just too tired? Does she need more romance? More passion? The best thing to do is ask her. Until you do that, you’re guess is as good as ours.
And sometimes it’s conscious
I couldn’t resist.
Another possibility for a female’s lack of libido could be medical. Birth control pills can kill sex drive, that’s a positive.
Sometimes stress is a factor. As my college semester has gone on (and the work has gotten more and more difficult), I find myself with less and less of a libido.
Plus, I started dating again a little over a month ago. I don’t like to “jump right in” sexually, so to speak, because I’d rather hold off doing ANYTHING intensely sexual until I feel completely comfortable with him. I’m not in the mood as much because I don’t feel that I know him that well and because I’m stressed AND because as winter approaches, I get a little depressed. All of these factors are making me less sexually excitable.
That’s right - I forgot to mention medications.
Yes birth control pills and anti-depressants can kill the libido.
As far as the “having sex like rabbits when you’re dating” remember: when you are married, the way you spend time together is different. You discuss the mundane things like whether or not to get cable tv and did you call the kids’ dentist and are we out of milk again.
And when you DO have kids, spontaneity is not what it used to be.
when you go on a date - your goal is to have fun. And then you go home. So that’s why people suggests “dates” for their mates to kickstart the loving.
Kids, hormones, medications, stress, and tiredness did a real number on our sex life. I work hard to make it better, but there are times when I just don’t feel like it, but muster some enthusiasm anyway and it works out okay. I sort of think that’s the least I can do! If I waited for me to want it, we’d never have a good sex life. There are some times when I’m in the mood but the time is wrong for hubby.
I find it helps to be playful. I used to really shut down about sex and sexual references because they made me feel pressured and inadequate when I wasn’t in the mood. But I’ve since realized that just added to the problem. So I try to flirt, and do the “oops, I dropped this pen, let me bend over and pick it up thing” and that keeps the spark of sex in our relationship even when life conspires to keep us from having it that much.
Jesus, did I just reveal that much. Yipes. Well, in the interest of being helpful…
It also helps to know you are desirable.
But most women I know, including myself, absent external factors (fatigue, kids in next room, pent up anger, power issues, communication issues, raised to believe its dirty, medication, whatever) enjoy sex, if its about mutual pleasure. But the list of external factors can be overwhelming.
Amen to that! When I’m stressed I can’t get into the mood, so when he tries to initiate sex, I get cranky. I don’t think he understands because he gets horny when the wind blows.
Personally, I think the correct response to this problem is “That’s OK, sweetie. I’ll just get it some where else. And if you want anything else from me, feel free to fuck off.”
Sorry, it just pushed my buttons. We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread, already in progress.
How cute, Justin!
I got the impression from other posts of yours that you’ve recently had a child. I don’t know how recently… but it could be that your wife is neglecting you because of the child. Why don’t you plan a really romantic night sometime and try to get her in the mood? You could plan something that the two of you liked to do in the past when you were still dating.
You aren’t calling it “the nasty” when trying to get some, are you? That can’t be helpful.