Over in MPSIMS, Coldfire is getting support for the crappy experience of having his new wife in car accident while he is far, far away. I was going to respond with my support, but then stopped myself.
I’ve never met this person, and probably never will. But, he is a mod, and as such has a lot of exposure on the board. He has also shared a lot about himself, including his recent nuptials. As a mostly lurker*, I’ve shared very little, and don’t think I personally know anyone here.
Which got me thinking, is it odd (or spooky or strange or out of place) for a perfect stranger to respond to a very personal thread? Do you only give support to posters you actually know?
*I seemed to have gotten really chatty lately, however…
The argument could be made that you’re not a total stranger, having “met” him on and through this message board. I look at it along the lines of you’re responding to his thread in the same way that you might respond to a guy you see in the same pub every week who comes in with a broken arm and mentions he was in an accident. You probably wouldn’t think twice about saying “sorry to hear that” or “hope you feel better soon” or even “let me buy you a round” (OK, maybe not that) so why feel strange about offering condolences to someone you sort-of know through a message board?
Part of the value of an anonymous bord such as this, is to solicit advice from people who don’t know you personally.
For instance I would rather know from Otto or Bid_Norse whether thay thought buying a little toy for the boss’s child’s first birthday would be a nice act or would seem like ‘brown noseing’ rather than from people who actually know me or my boss in real life.
I think it has something to do with the anonymity of a message board (and the internet in general). When you run into someone at a pub from week to week, you see their face and therefore learn a lot about them (gender, race, drink preference, etc.). On a message board ALL that you learn about a person (other than the fact they speak English and have access to a computer, I guess), is what they reveal to you.
It just has more of a creepy vibe to me, but I’ve noticed that some people seem to be much more comfortable treating each other on the board as if they knew them in person.
Well, if I limited my personal advice/condolences/congratulations to Dopers I’d actually met IRL, that would limit me to Dr.J. That would not only be really boring for me, it would be totally pointless for me to bother with the boards, since I could just walk into the other room and tell him what I think.
As far as “knowing” people from their posts, there are very, very few Dopers who I remember much about from one thread to another. The way I look at it, if people didn’t want the opinions of whoever wandered in, they wouldn’t post the thread. My advice/condolences/congratulations are as valid as anybody else’s, so if I feel like I have something to add, I let it fly.
I often find myself composing something and then not submitting it for this reason—that I don’t feel I know this person well enough. But I do in some way because I have read a lot on this board. I am not shy at all in real life–but online here I find that I am—not sure why either.
by the way–I read your title as "do you respond to personal THREATS involving people you’ve never met’—and I wandered in because of that
Sure! That’s what makes the board great. If I post a “My Life Sucks” thread, within an hour, I’ll have 10 posts wishing me well/offering me hugs, 5 from people sharing their own “My Life Sucks” stories, 5 from people who misread the subject and post something humorous about it, and 10 of an inane political hijack that eventually gets kicked to the Pit.
I do. They may not know me and I mght not know them, but I think it’s a good way to give a little (or a lot, depending on what you post) moral support.
The same goes for birthday/wedding/baby threads.
Some people I recognize more than others, but I try to be an equal-opportunity well-wisher.
Sure. I’ll respond in kind to someone in trouble or in triumph even if I don’t like the persons other posts. That doesn’t mean I can’t commiserate or congratulate.
For advice, sometimes–if I know anything about it, or if no one else has said what I think (most of the time, the advice I would give is given by the third post). Unless I have “talked” with the poster, I am not sure how much my response will mean. I know Coldfire by reading his posts–and even follwing the engagement/wedding/wed thread (and because of his awe-inspiring Modding, of course), but he doesn’t know me from Adam, so I am not sure how useful my post would be to him. All I could think was that this poor man would be so worried and what he doesn’t need is to be thinking “who is this, and why do they care?” It just seemed like it would be butting into a private moment. So, I didn’t say anything. And I know that it probably wasn’t logical, and I always regret not saying something, but I don’t want to intrude, or repeat what someone else has said.
Commiserating with total starngers is a wonderful threapy. Often, they will offer words of support, encouragement, advice, etc. Since they have no personal connection, their sympathies are most likely unbiased and genuine.
I didn’t at first, but then when I posted about something bad happening to me, I received a lot of warm, caring and thoughtful responses. I was touched. At that moment I vowed whenever possible I’d do the same – make a caring gesture by posting support (or whatever).
