One of the few perks of adulthood ought (in my opinion) to be not having to report your comings and goings to others in your own home. I will allow that if you share responsibilities for children or pets you shouldn’t just wander off without telling anyone unless you will be returning before your absence would matter, but if not, is it expected that everyone living under the same roof tell each other where they are going and when they will return?
It’s expected in my house - where it’s just me and my husband and a cat who requires little to no attention. I see it as a matter of courtesy. If one of us disappears without warning or doesn’t return when they estimated they would, the other may worry. Why cause unnecessary worry?
I agree that causing unnecessary worry is a concern, but that’s one of the main reasons I don’t like to build the expectation that I will report my whereabouts. When you do it all the time, it should seem normal and unworrying, no?
I let people know when I’m coming and going because it’s the polite and reasonable thing to do. I don’t report my whereabouts except when those whereabouts are here, or not here.
Yes, I check in and out. I also generally report things like “gonna go take a shower” or “starting dinner” so that my husband can know what my plans are in case that impacts what his plans are.
Yes, it is expected.
I live with children (well, pretty much one child, any more) but do not sneak out. I tell her when I’m leaving.
Yes, as a matter of courtesy. If he gets a call, or needs something, or as something he would like me to get while I’m out, it’s better for both of us.
It’s not just that we are older now, where there is a much better chance that one of us may trip and break a bone, or faint, although those as well as other considerations are issues now, but it’s just what we have always done.
Do I ask permission? Of course not. But I don’t just disappear with no warning.
I can’t imagine not reporting it. I certainly wouldn’t want my wife to wander off without me having any idea. As mentioned previously, there’s a courtesy involved since people living under the same roof often do things together.
I wouldn’t put restrictions on where my wife chooses to go, but I’d certainly appreciate knowing she was going rather than having to look all over the house to see if she were still there. And then not knowing if she was gone for five minutes or five hours (should I eat lunch alone? should I plan for dinner? should I go hang out with friends?).
It’s really hard for me to imagine living in a household where folks didn’t at least offer that courtesy unless the occupants didn’t particularly like each other.
If you live with someone, meaning you have a personal relationship in which living together is a defining element … Yes, you owe a duty to that person to keep him or her generally informed regarding when you will be absent from home.
This doesn’t apply when you are nothing more than housemates and have no personal relationship beyond that.
In reality, my SO and I go most places together and I do typically inform him when I am leaving. I just don’t think it should be expected (and he agrees). Plus, we have cell phones, so there is no need to wonder when anyone is returning when we could just ask.
Lately though, my adult daughter has been camping out on my sofa and seems to have developed some weird expectation that I inform her of my whereabouts. If she was actually collecting the information for a reason, like planning a meal (ha ha) or something, fine, but she is only being nosy, so it is annoying.
I think it’s really something that’s individual to a relationship and people individual preferences. But the default is probably “give a heads up” and that’s going to be most people’s comfort zone.
I don’t think it’s “just being nosy.” I think it’s just a personal preference, and likely related to how much of a planner you are.
Somewhat reluctantly, yes. It was a joke in my family that they’d hear me say, “I’m going - I’ll be back” a split second before the door slammed. I still say that to my husband, but he generally has an idea of whether I’ll be back in an hour or in a week.
I don’t like accounting for my whereabouts for some reason.
Yes. My wife gets all huffy if I leave without saying anything. Sometimes I may specify where I’m going, sometimes it’s just “out”.
For whatever it’s worth, I’d find someone nagging me by phone about where I was and when I was coming back a ton more annoying than being expected to mention where I was going when I left.
What if you end up going other places? Do you keep them posted?
What if they are asleep when you leave? Do you wake them up to tell them? Leave a note?
Personally, I don’t want anyone’s plans to be contingent on my presence without my consent. If I leave the house and say I’m going to the hardware store, I don’t want people worrying because I’m not back in an hour after deciding to stop by the grocery store as well, nor do I want to commit myself when I leave to stopping by the post office or whatever while I’m out. I like to decide things as I go, not plan out every minute in advance, but once I’ve announced my intentions I have less freedom to do that.
First but more “usually”. Its a habit we developed when we still had 4 elderly parents and emergencies happened now and then. Never saw a need to drop it.
Well, obviously I don’t like it either, but at least there would be a reason for the inquiry, not just some weird sense that everywhere you go is someone else’s business. I’d never ask where someone was or when they’d be back unless it affected some decision I’d have to make, like ordering a different sized pizza or something.
My husband and I work different shifts, so often one wakes up expecting the other to be there but they aren’t. After a few unnecessary phone calls, we developed the habit of leaving notes if the other one is sleeping. Even just “out for a walk” if one decides to exercise or whatever, because it’s weird to wake up and see his car here but not find him about.
Honestly, I guess it doesn’t come up that often. 90% of the time, I go to work, I come home. If I am running errands, I am more likely to cut them short than to add to them. If my plans change, I’d text home if 1) it changed the time frame significantly or 2) there was a chance my husband wanted something at the new location–like if I was suddenly going to stop by the grocery store, I’d let him know so he could tell me if he needed anything. But if I remembered dry cleaning on the way home and swung in to get it, no, I wouldn’t bother.
If I told my husband I was having coffee after work with friend and we changed plans and went to a bar, instead, I wouldn’t go out of my way to tell him, because from his point of view, it’s still the same narrative–I am out with friends. In the summer, I have a couple part time work-when-I-want-to jobs, and I’m likely just to tell him Ill be out all day, not give him my schedule. But I do let him know when I will be home, and where I am if it’s useful to him.