Would they have lived if they left a note? I guess this scenario is possible, but so unlikely it isn’t something I’m going to worry about in my own life.
Hey, if it works for you, great. But it seems weird. My husband and I coordinate lots of stuff. If we will both be home for supper, we like to eat together (with only one person cooking). So it’s handy to know if we will both be home. That doesn’t mean we veto each other’s plans, just that we are aware when the other will be around.
We also share cars, and with 2 adult children, the two of us, and only 3 cars, sometimes we need to coordinate who uses which car when.
We are pretty independent. I go on weekend trips without him because I have more vacation. We don’t always go to the same parties, because we enjoy different things and different people. But we do coordinate our lives. It makes both our lives more pleasant.
I’ve told my adult children that when they are at our home, I need to know their general schedule. If my son is gone for the weekend, I don’t need to know where, just when.
And if you expect your spouse to ever cook for you, it is unambiguously rude to not give them a heads up as to when you will be home to eat with them.
Almost always with my wife. If she was asleep and I was running out for a gallon of milk, I wouldn’t bother, but anything more than that and I let her know.
We wouldn’t start cooking a time-sensitive meal for more than one person without confirming someone else will be there to eat it. I might make chili or something with no specific future plan for when it would be consumed.
I’d certainly never expect anyone to cook for me without confirming with me that I will be there. Someone sitting around waiting for me to be somewhere I never agreed to be is exactly the sort of scenario I want to avoid.
Ok, so here is where you go wrong. You made your choices to live the way you do but you cannot just sit there and turn around and say something like “Worried people should…”
My SO will be working from home this Saturday. I don’t want to sit at home all day so I intend to go shopping. I’ll go out in the afternoon. I’ll let him know I’m going and to expect me back for dinner.
If I’m not back by dinner, then he calls me. Right? That’s what you say. But if I just leave and don’t even tell him I’m leaving, well, yes, that bothers him, and you don’t really have much grounds to tell him not to worry. Of course he worries. It’s one of the signs of his love for me.
I mean I’m really glad it works for you but it’s not fair for you to turn around and judge me in return!
In the end, it’s all up to the lifestyle you choose. In my lifestyle, I want to spend time with him more than anyone - that’s why I chose to move in with him - so I don’t mind at all telling him my schedule. I’'m glad you found someone who doesn’t mind your way!
I’m not judging you or your worry-wart spouse. If you like that he is a worrier, then all is well. If you both like to hang upside-down like bats while you sleep, I’m not judging you for that either. It isn’t the specific way I like to live.
For me, when a person tells me I should change my reasonable (to me) actions because they are worried, it is a form of emotional blackmail. If they are having emotional problems, they should try to get them under control instead of oppressing me with them. They can even ask me for help and I will be happy to oblige, but that help is not going to take the format of me letting them dictate how I should best live my life to accommodate their worry. Most worry is irrational and useless and I value reason and practicality.
“I’m not judging the emotional blackmail your spouse uses on you.” :dubious:
Oh no, your not being judgemental at all. :rolleyes:
If he was worrying about ME and thinking I should alter my behavior, I’d consider it emotional blackmail, but he is worrying about you and you are fine with it, so there is no problem and no judgment from me.
Wow. I’m glad your partner likes you.
I’m glad there are so many worriers paired up.
When I moved into a shared house, I didn’t tell anyone if I was going in or out, because I was so dam sick of my parents running my life.
After a while, in a smaller group, I noticed that I felt isolated if I didn’t have some idea of what was going on with other people, and my housemates notified me that they felt the same way.
Does hiding behind the sofa count?
Regards,
Shodan