It’s not that I am looking for the “perfect” girl. Rather what I do is I wait for a crush to develop and then I try to pursue her. It’s not like I have a specific criteria for this. I have only had two real crushes so far (and one of them is my current one).
So you’re telling me to approach and ask out random girls that I don’t find attractive? It will be hard enough trying to convince my parents to let me date someone that I actually have a crush on. But then I will have an actual reason so they might still listen to me. But if you’re telling me to ask out someone I don’t find attractive, I won’t be able to use the, “I am attracted to her,” reasoning with my parents. Then the only reason I will be able to tell them is that I want to get experienced with dating and help clarify know what I want in a mate and they will say I am too young to be thinking about these things.
So I don’t think that is a possibility before college.
My daughter wasn’t allowed to date until she was 18 because my rule was to finish high school. She is 24 now and hasn’t seemed to suffer from my “strict” rule. I think that’s the way it should be. Sure, have crushes all you want, but this is a crucial time in your education and you don’t need to waste time on complicated relationships. Focus on friendship and pay attention to adult relationships before you go diving into one yourself.
I think you’re missing the point here. There’s a difference between “liking a girl” or “being attracted to a girl” and “having a crush on a girl”. You see, when you have a crush on a girl, you’re putting her up on a pedestal. And that’s where all the nervousness and not knowing what to say to her starts. You want to spend some time and effort just socializing with a girl you like (or think you’d enjoy spending time with) that you don’t have a crush on. As for your parents, don’t tell them you’re going on a “date”, just tell them you’re going to see a movie with a classmate.
In my opinion, balancing a relationship with studies is an important skill you can learn in high school. I don’t think high school education is so important or difficult that it can’t be accomplished while also experiencing (and experimenting with) some romance. If a teenager would rather wait until 18 or older, I’m fine with that, but I don’t see any problem with a 16 year old dating.
I didn’t know there was a difference! Well anyway, you’re saying I shouldn’t pursue my crushes? And my parents would think something is up because I never just “go see a movie with a classmate” like that. I am serious - I don’t hang out - like ever.
Anyway, with my crush, today I told her that I’d like to get to know her more and was wondering if we could exchange phone numbers. She said, “Uhhh…sure. I’ll email it to you.”
I don’t know if I should take that as an acception or a declination. If she doesn’t email it to me today, then I am taking it as a declination…
And I am not sure if there are any girls that I like. I think for me it’s either crush or nothing, at least for now.
I can’t though man. It’s not easy especially when your girl doesn’t live close to you and you can’t drive. Also this town sucks in that there are very few places to just hang out. The nearest movie theater is 15-20 minutes away in another town.
So if I want to date at all, I will have to bring up the issue with my parents because they are my transportation providers (pathetic, I know, but I have no other way - at least I will be paying out of my own allowance).
Well, the ball’s in her court now. If she doesn’t email you her phone number, well, then you know there’s no point in trying to pursue a romantic relationship with her. You might give her a couple of days to email you, though. If you don’t hear from her by Friday, I’d say it’s not going to happen.
LOL. A good lesson here too, but one which should be applied very carefully, if at all.
I agree and disagree. That is, everyone gets nervous etc. But don’t leave crushes as crushes: go for it. Better to be turned down than to wonder, years later, whether you were an idiot not to go for it.
Most people have more regrets over what they didn’t do, than over what they did do. Of course, I’m speaking of people who are not criminals.
Excellent advice!
This doesn’t mean to pretend to be attracted to someone you’re not attracted to. It means to learn to be attracted to as wide a variety of girls as possible. One of the best lessons of my love life was to (as I’ve said here many times) learn to look for the beauty rather than looking for the flaws. Learn to appreciate anything you can think of! I learned this lesson intellectually at 18, but it took a couple years to develop the habit.
There are lots of different feelings we can have towards someone we find attractive. Look forward to enjoying them all.
That’s really too bad. I suggest you consider finding some female friends. They’re a gold mine for advice and inside information, plus girls can be just plain fun to have as friends! Learning to chat with girls as “just friends” will also be a big help to you when you try to chat up someone you’re attracted to.
There’s a common theme to my post, and I hope it sinks in. The common point is to pursue variety – variety in the kinds of girls you find attractive, and variety in the kinds of relationships to have with girls. It’s uncomfortable stepping outside the envelope, but WAY worth it.
Consider saving up for a scooter or something. And, don’t rely on allowance: get a job! (That’s also a great way to meet girls in a different context than school, which is another kind of variety that can really help.) Let your folks know you’d be interested in making some money. Come up with a variety of reasons. Discuss it with them openly and appreciate their suggestions. Transportation will be an issue so be sensitive to their point of view – if possible, pick something near home.
And good luck asking them for a ride to a movie with a girlfriend, too. It’s a very reasonable thing to ask. If they say no, do what you think makes sense given your family dynamics to communicate to them that it’s important to you, without being rebellious.
Another possibility: find out about doing something with a group of friends, including both boys and girls. One of their parents is likely to be willing to help, or perhaps one of them can drive. Be totally open and honest with your parents about this. After a few times, maybe your parents would be willing to drive the group.
Yes. Good luck. Don’t press the issue; you’ve made yourself perfectly clear. Allow her to have an “out” where nobody loses face. So far I think you’ve handled it well.
Even if it doesn’t pan out, you’ve made progress. The worst block of all is an internal one that would prevent you from trying, and you’re already past that. Good for you! Cross your fingers and hope for the best, and if it doesn’t work out, move on. And I bet I don’t need to tell you to be kind and gracious to the girl if she doesn’t follow through. Just smile with a friendly wink and pass by: let her know it’s OK, no worries. She missed a good opportunity. Who knows, she might get another chance some day.
I would assume so. At your age, a boy asking to learn more about a girl is a huge billboard saying “I like you!”
I’ve been following this thread and I was a teenager not that long ago so I can relate. Let me give you the best advice I can. Girls are just as nervous as boys.
I stood up the first boy to ever ask me to a school dance because I was too nervous to go. And the first boy that asked me to go steady broke up with me after a week because he wasn’t ready for a gf. I asked out my crush and he said out laughed and said no. I wrote an email to another boy to tell him that I had a crush on him and he told me he had a crush on someone else.
Just try to relax. I hope your crush comes around and emails you because you sound like a good guy. If she doesn’t, that’s her loss and you can move on. I felt so brave announcing my love to my crushes only to be denied, but the experience actually made me more brave. I took more risks after that too.
That’s a perspective that is not going to serve you well. How would you feel about a girl who said “Oh, I don’t really like any Indians, except ones I want to date.”
Not every girl is going to be your thing. And not every girl will be as smart/substantial/geeky/well-read/etc. as your dream girl. But until you discover that girls are interesting on their own, above and beyond their value as dates, it’s going to be rough going in a lot of ways.
I had a girl friend when I was six, whom I loved dearly and would have done anything in the world for. I then learned that it was totally uncool for boys to have girl friends, and I didn’t have another one until I was 17.
Someone suggested that if I don’t get her number today, I should go up to her tomorrow and say something along the lines of, “Hey, I didn’t get your email last night. It’s okay if you don’t want to give it out…or did you forget?”
While I think immediately tomorrow would be too soon, let’s say if by Friday I don’t get it, would this be a good thing to say?
