It depends somewhat on the two people involved but… yes, I’d say most 16 year olds are ready to start dating. I certainly had a boyfriend at 16 (and he was a year younger than me on top of that).
Maybe not this girl, but some other girl.
If the parents say yes be sure to follow ALL the rules they lay down. If you prove you can behave they’ll be more inclined to negotiate more privileges down the line, but if you screw up they’ll stay strict.
At 16 you want to keep things casual - a movie, going out to lunch, and that sort of thing.
I was thinking more along the lines of hanging out at the park, having a picnic, and having her come over once in a while and going for a walk in the nature trail right next to our house. But that’s more for when I am in the relationship.
Yeah, for the first few dates especially, I would mostly just keep it to a movie and lunch and hanging out at a park.
That’s funny… when I was six, it was all the rage to have a boyfriend or girlfriend and much energy was spent trying to define you had one and who they were or you were definitely in the out crowd. None of us quite knew what it meant to be a boy/girlfriend - I think maybe we would hold hands or something - but we definitely wanted to be sure that we had one. By second grade, we’d mostly moved on.
This is a pretty standard part of Indian culture. They consider sexuality and interest in the opposite sex to be an adult thing. They also value the idea of a long, leisurely childhood.
I have freqently heard my Indian relatives see American children or teenagers (or photographs of them) and lament that they look like they’re growing up too fast.
If his family life is anything like mine was (actually, it sounds like it might be a little stricter and more sheltered than mine was) then his parents expect to know where he is and whom he’s with at all times. My parents preferred that I invite my friends over to my house (we had a full, finished basement to hang out in). And if he’s hanging out with girls, then they’re going to be very wary.
On the one hand, there are mobile phones these days that make parental supervision easier. ON the other hand, kids these days have the internet, which is harder to police.
I think the thing that gets me is that I am too shy to express my feelings of romanticism in front of my parents. You see, on the inside, I am such a hopeless romantic, another reason why I have wanted a girlfriend so bad since that other crush I had in seventh grade. But my parents don’t know that and I don’t want them to.
That is one reason I can’t wait to go to college - not only because THERE I have more freedom, can date and have sex, and girls should be a little less shallow in general and also there is a much larger variety of girls making it more likely for me to find one that I am compatible with, but the fact that I will have a (better) chance to go from being a hopeless romantic to a REAL one, WITHOUT my parents knowing too.
Another thing. I am thinking about playing some games myself and ignoring her (not making small talk, not saying “hey” to her, avoiding eye contact, etc.) basically act as if she doesn’t exist for the next few days. It’s not like she ever talks to me first anyway. So she may feel like she is missing something (not likely but possible) if I stop talking to her for a while.
Because I heard that girls love when a guy likes them. Girls also want what they can’t have. Girls also sometimes have the potential for regretting rejecting a guy if he moves on quickly and will sometimes as a result, reconsider their decision.
So do you think it’s a good idea for me to just “disappear” now or not?
Stop and think for a minute now, do you want her to like you? Or the person you’re pretending to be?
If you choose to cover your inexperience and awkwardness with playing head games you’ll never get it right, I’m afraid.
Yes, it’s scary when you’re sixteen and just starting out. But we all survived it and so will you. The solution is working on easing your discomfort/awkwardness through experience, (via steady interaction with many girls, your crush, some friends, some just classmates!), NOT by pretending you are something you’re not.
Be aware you are currently in the process of ‘becoming’ everything you’ll ever be. Choosing head games, and practicing manipulation will turn you into something very unattractive to women. Now and in the future.
Choose carefully the muscles you exercise, those are the ones that will grow stronger. Playing at manipulation is precisely how you turn into a manipulator.
What you’re talking about is “playing games”. Some people can do this skillfully without being noticed. They are typically experts in the social arena. Are you an expert in the social arena? If the answer is no, as I suspect it is, then you’d do best to avoid this approach and strive for something simple and straightforward.
If you start off playing games, you’ll attract someone who is into emotional manipulation. Do you really want someone like that? I don’t think you do. Not for your “first”.
Well I am not trying to formulate “rules” and that’s why I used phrases like “sometimes” and “reconsider” and well almost all people love being liked and what want they can’t have, even guys.
But yeah, I don’t want to manipulate - but is what I am talking about - ignoring her for a few days - manipulation?
Basically, while I await her email, should I still talk to her or not? That’s the ultimate question.
See the thing is - she never talks to me first. I am always initiating the small talk, so that is what I am asking: should I stop initiating it and let her do it?
If you run into her during your normal day say “hi” and be sociable, don’t completely ignore her because that comes across as hostile and angry. You don’t have to seek her out, but like I said, if you run into her be polite and acknowledge her presence.
I am not keeping score. I am just stating a fact that she almost NEVER initiates conversation or says “hi” to me first. I dont want to come off as needy or clingy, right?
First and foremost, she’s not into you. Why would anyone wait to email you a number instead of just giving it to you on the spot? Didn’t you give her your number right then?
Secondly, you’ve got to be able to answer why you like this girl. The heart wants what the heart wants but it should also know why it wants those things. It’s ok to crush on shallow reasons as long as you’re honest about it.
Thirdly, the way you went about asking her out was weird and hamfisted. Instead of asking her out on a date, you asked for her phone number so you could get to know her better. That’s weird to state outright. You want to take her to a movie, so ask her to go to a movie. You want to go hike a nature trail so go ask her to hike the nature trail. That’s how you ask girls out on dates. You don’t make her your girlfriend first THEN go on dates. You date, and then decide if you actually like her to make her your girlfriend.
Lastly, your parents’ reservations might sound silly and outdated but it comes from a place of truth. Can you answer them why you want it to be so serious? Can you answer why it’s so important to have a “girlfriend” with labels and all? Can you not just hang out with a girl and see where it goes without expectations or preconceived notions?
You don’t have a real basis for saying you’re a hopeless romantic. When you’ve actually established relationships with another human being you can figure out how much of a romantic you are or aren’t. Right now you’re shy and you want something you don’t have, that’s all.
I feel like you still haven’t decided if you really like this girl as a person. Normally I’d say go ahead and talk to her, but see below.
Agreed- the email thing doesn’t make sense. And if she never talks to you, she’s that’s another sign she’s not interested. At this point you are probably making her uncomfortable. If she wants to talk to you, she’ll start a conversation.
Alright, I think it’s time to admit defeat too. I will back off and move on and not talk to her.
As for why I like her, well crushes start as physical attractions. So I figure I will get to know her a bit, ask for her number, and flirt a little with her, and then ask her out and go on a few dates and if I like her as a person, ask her to be my girlfriend.
Because I hardly see her and she was never initiating conversations, I figured as a last try before I officially give up, ask for her number because I figured if she did give me her number, we could text, flirt, and get to know each other a little and then I would ask her out.
If I was to tell my parents, I would make it clear that she’s not actually my “girlfriend” yet and that we’re just going out a few times and if I like her as a person, I will propose.
I am not sure if I like her as person yet, but I do find her physically attractive - that’s why I asked for her number and said I wanted to get to know her more. My intent was to just text her a bit and get to know her a little bit BEFORE asking her out (because it seemed a little early to ask her out seeing as I was only one or two steps above being a total stranger to her) and then if she says “yes”, really get to know her during the dates.
But you’re saying - the better thing to ask would be to ask her out on an actual date right away rather than her number? And if she says “yes”, THEN ask for her number?
Maybe things are different in the age of cellphones, but when I was a kid, you got a phone number only after it was clear that the other person liked talking to you.
Yeah, but what I am asking is which is better - asking for a girl’s number first or on a date first? And was the latter the better choice in my situation?
