I posted a thread about this older married co worker who was heavily flirting with me. Fortunately he toned it down but was still friendly towards me. However he is retiring at the end of the month. Yesterday was my last time working with him on his floor .He pulled me aside and told me that he likes me as person and that I am very nice person. He wants friendship from me. I just smilled and brushed it of. Then he went to get a piece of paper and pen. He insisted I write it down .
I am not interested in having contact with him outside work.I mean he is old enough to be my father and is married man. What are we going to talk about? I was put on the spot and I didnt` know what to say. So I gave him a fake number since I wont be seeing him anymore. I am not sure if I should have been more direct. I tried to brush him off and he kept saying please I want your number. Does he have ulterior motives?
You should have been more direct, but that doesn’t excuse his behavior. But I have frankly said, in the past, “I’m sorry, I just don’t think that will work for me.” Rinse and repeat. No matter if he asks “why?”
Now you don’t have to be nice to him anymore. He is retiring. It’s not wrong to say, “Bob, I’m sorry, I just don’t feel comfortable sharing my phone number.”
And yes I think he may have ulterior motives, or he may just want to try to be your friend, which means pestering you. Be aware he is probably going to come back once he realizes your number is fake. Does he have your work email? That’s where the next contact is probably going to come from.
His motives don’t matter – what matters is what you feel comfortable with. If you don’t feel comfortable giving him your number (or any other info), you don’t have to. It doesn’t matter if he (or anyone) insists – insistence doesn’t mean that you have to do something you’re not comfortable with. You don’t have to see him, you don’t have to talk to him, etc – nothing you’re not comfortable with.
If he’s retiring, you should be able to brush him off without consequence. If he contacts you again on a work phone or email, I’d quietly take it to your supervisor for some quiet discouragement from someone senior. Unless the company is filled with his buddies who are also bumping the sheets at night thinking of you, that should be the end of it.
It’s a pretty good bet he does, and it’s a pretty good bet he hasn’t mentioned you to his wife.
Someone who truly wanted a friendship would give you HIS number and invite you to call if you were interested in doing something together. And would have already established some common ground over something you both like, so you both would have a reason to do something together. And would make it clear to both you and his wife that he was reaching out to you in this way, and that she was welcome to join if she cared to.
This fellow, on the other hand, just reeks of having an obsession for you with an implicit sexual component. You have my permission to tell him to get bent.
