There comes a time when you just have to start a thread on how bad your depression has gotten. If this isn’t that time, it’s one heck of an imitation.
Things have been bad for quite a while now. Lately, they’ve finally moved into the Worse collumn.
I missed my appointment to get more meds. This is the second in a row that I've missed. I'm out of the blue pills, they yellow pills and low on the green pills. Thank God I still have the white pills.
It now requires quite an effort to change or shower. I'm not sure how long the dishes have been in the sink. The garbage can is overflowing. I'm living on a diet of peanut butter and diet Mountain Dew. My sleeping schedule is completely out of whack.
I'm convinced that the decline is due to guilt or self-hatred, I just can't figure out what it is I'm so consumed with guilt about.
I know I should start up sessions with my therapist again. But since that would probably help, my subconscious is working hard to prevent it.
NECESSARY HUMOR- I thought things would get better after that radioactive spider bit me last week. Well things are the sam except that now, whenever I sneeze silk shoots out of my tuchas
All I can say is I remember going through that. Actually, I’m kicking against something my therapist suggested last week and it’s showing (Me? Show vulnerability? . . . But . . . that’s dangerous!).
What do you do when you feel like that? What feels “right” then? I know for me the worst thing would be to go places or put myself in positions where everyone is either having a good time or finding it necessary to pretend that they are. When you’re down, you sing the blues, not cheerful songs (unless maybe they have a demented undercurrent, then maybe)…is that true for you too?
Do you want company when you’re like this, or do you tend to need a lot of additional “alone time”?
doc, in all probability the decline is due to your chemical imbalance. its not your fault. try to remember that you won’t feel this way forever. try and take your meds, and if it’s possible, start therapy again, if only so that someone is keeping an eye on you. good luck, man. i been there. it aint fun.
If the medications were keeping you functional the first step would be to resume taking them. There can be some serious side effects to discontinuing certain medications and if you have a problem picking them up or taking them yourself you might need someone to help you with that.
I am terrible when it comes to taking my medication despite the fact those little purple happy pills do me a world of good when I remember to take them. Lola is the one who keeps me in check, she is well tuned in to my state of mental health and knows if I have not been taking them. I have not been taking any medication for about a month now as my symptoms are greatly reduced over the spring and summer and I can manage fairly well if I employ self (cognitive) therapy.
If you can talk to us about it perhaps you could talk to someone you know and trust IRL who might be able to give you a hand with things. It is easier when you don’t have to go it alone.
I’ve been on meds/therapy for just over a year. In that time I’ve gained 15 pounds, battled lethargy and sluggishness, once had an episode where an increase in dosage caused me to get so doped up I literally could not wake up (and when I was awake I’d get dizzy if I moved), etc etc.
And I’ve been unemployed for 3.5 months, have been sending out resumes and networking my butt off, there is NO temp work, and I’m perhaps a month away from destitute. Over the last month I’ve gotten to a point where I’m awake very little. Today I finally got up at 1:30pm.
I feel fat (damn 15 pounds) and cannot for the life of me keep to a regular exercise schedule or eat well. I eat way too much sugar. I try to limit my intake and it lasts at most 3 days.
I realize this is overshare, but I don’t have many places to vent anymore. I love my friends, but sometimes it’s just too exhausting to think positively anymore.
I just went back on my meds after an almost 4 year break. I knew a while back that I should, and it took wingin’ a glass through my dad’s window to make me realize that I was a fifth of rum away from landing my ass in the hospital again. I got on the phone and started my meds again, and I already feel better just knowing I’m taking steps to help myself.
Drinking- I considered this, but I just can’t afford it.
My Therapist- I’d been putting off starting weekly sessions because some kin in Florida might need me. Well, I’ve been back in Philly for a few months now and things seem stable with them. So, monday I’ll call the office and get my case re-opened.
Pills-Another call I have to make monday. Fortunately, I’ve still got Paxil 40mgs and Ritalin.
Shower- Finally did this today. It was in the shower that I had a revelation. Things have gotten worse because I’m punishing myself. My guilt complex has found a new weapon to bludgeon me with. Things have gotten this bad because my subconscious keeps telling me that this is what I deserve. I think I’ve figured out the issue that caused my present slump. If I’m right, dealing with it should get me back to my standard level of depression.
If I'm wrong and the slump continues, I'll use it as an excuse to solicit racy photos of the Dopettes:D
If that doesn't work, I'll finally have a chance to try out my home ECT kit.
Doc, if you need the link for Cecil’s Place, let me know and I’ll send it to you. Same for any other Doper Depressives out there. It’s not exactly jumping, but you folks were a big help to me last January, so I’m just trying to pay you back. It’s no wonder you’re depressed – you live in Philadelphia! And you’ve just suffered 6 weeks of lacerating, nasty, political ads. Come on over the mountains, lad, and breathe the free, fresh air!
Oh and as for
You don’t know my yaks!
Take care, my friend, and e-mail me if you need to.
Hey doc… way to go with the shower AND revelations. Showering in the dark usually does that to me. (And it makes luffomylife wonder whats going on
Hey I have been on meds/religion/therapy/extreme fasting/new age meditation/old age pension (nope, not yet, that part is a joke) and tried many things. Depression sucks, and its ok to be unwell and treat yourself gently. Just dont fall in love with the “hiding from the world” part. Dealing with issues one by one, one at a time helps. The day I washed my dishes in the bathtub I knew I was going to live. (Don’t ask…or do…or nevermind)
I hope you feel better Doc.