I’ll try to remember to look it up & post it tonight (I’m at work).
Oh, please do post it. I have to see this for myself.
It was something along the lines of “my breasts were quivering like puppies begging to be petted” or something of equal ahem literary merit.
Hey, nobody ever claimed these books were fine literature, or even literature at all. And Sookie is the mary sue-est Mary Sue that ever mary sued. But they’re fun little books to while away a plane ride or to read a chapter or so at bedtime when you’re not quite ready to turn out the light, but don’t want any mental stimulation.
Exactly. Here are the lines in question from Dead to the World:
“While I stood stock-still, paralyzed by conflicting waves of emotion, Eric took the soap out of my hands and lathered up his own, set the soap back in its little niche, and began to wash my arms, raising each in turn to stroke my armpit, down my side, never touching my breasts, which were practically quivering like puppies who wanted to be petted.”
Then the one about Mr. Happy, later in that same scene (if you couldn’t tell, they’re in the shower):
“As I stepped very close to him, I kind of folded Mr. Happy up against Eric’s stomach, so I could reach around and get my fingers on that absolutely gorgeous butt.”
Reading the above, I kept thinking, “No one puts Mr. Happy in the corner!”
Well, what if Hemingway wrote it?
Please tell me you made up that Mr. Happy quote!
I read the first couple, couldn’t stand them any longer and gave up.
I’ve read one other book by Harris and it was truly wretched, so I think I just dislike her.
“Quivering puppies”?? Seriously? I’m out. I was thinking I might start reading the series, but it sounds like the TV show may actually be better than what it’s based on. I opted for Catcher in the Rye and Atlas Shrugged at the bookstore instead.
Last time I made a Sookie run at Borders, I picked up Mansfield Park as well, just so I wouldn’t feel so dirty. I do think the TV show is far superior.
I guess I sympathize with Harris somewhat - it’s got to be difficult to write soft porn. If your narrator isn’t free to say “cock” and similarly brazen words, but you’re trying to be explicit about what’s happening, well, things can get silly. I often wonder where the hell Harris’s editor is though. I can see wandering into some of the literary dead ends she does, but why isn’t it corrected?
And just so I don’t sound high and mighty, Unauthorized Cinnamon, I also picked up the latest People magazine at the bookstore. A little junk to go with the classics–dessert after the meal, as it were. Of course, what did I start reading first? ::
::
To be fair, the sex scenes in the books are particularly bad, and the books are not really filled with them. Most of the writing is not that gag-inducing. I mean, I’m not really mounting a big defense of the books, here, because they are trashy fluff and I fully recognize that. But if the entire series was as bad as that god-awful “breast puppies” scene, I wouldn’t have bothered.
I don’t know. I also found this gem–Sookie tells Bill about being molestered.
Gag.
And I hated how he was always referring to her as “his.” I mean that’s creepy in Twilight but it’s supposed to be cool here?
To address that point (includes spoilers for the rest of the series, if you care):
Well, she does get pretty sick of it herself after awhile, and dumps him somewhere around book 2. As of book 9, she hasn’t taken him back and is showing no real signs that she intends to.
If you’re opting for scholarly reads then why are you buying paperback vampire mysteries? READ THE BACK COVER TO SEE WHAT THEY’RE ABOUT then maybe pick up a book by Ayn Rand or Joseph Conrad. Nobody is nominating Charlaine Harris for a Pulitzer! I find them fun and easy, I can get through a Sookie Stackhouse novel in about a week and it’s a happy little read. I’m not planning basing my thesis on Charlaine Harris’ body of work.
Secondly (as it has been noted here) sex scenes are incredibly difficult to write and make sound good especially when you can’t use explicit vulgarity. Having family from North Louisiana I know girls like that…they would never utter the words “cock” or “pussy” as long as they live, sure Mr. Happy is corny but how else does someone who doesn’t swear describe a penis? I can’t, however, defend the breast puppy thing or the mud people. I didn’t even know what the hell that was supposed to mean. Furthermore, my breasts have never “quivered” as long as I’ve been alive. 
Again, it is what it is.
It would stand to reason that she repeats herself in all of the books incase someone reads a latter novel before the predecessor.
If you don’t like cheesy mysteries, trashy romance novels, or supernaturals simply don’t read these books but don’t waste time reading up to book 8 just to get online and complain about it! You’re making the despised Harris rich and making yourself look like the literary dunce.
Engaging in a deliciously stupid activity solely for the purpose of complaining loudly about the degree of stupidity afterwards is a rather common human activity.
Srsly
Actually, I didn’t get up till book 8. I barely made it through book one with my sanity intact. Besides, one of my hobbies is snarking horrible books. And reading snark of horrid television shows (see also Television Without Pity).
Is it so much to ask for a vampire book that’s intelligent, funny, a page-turner, well-written, and doesn’t refer to orgasms as “white with gold streaks” (seriously, is Bill ejaculating sparkle?)? Well, I’ll let you know when “Let the Right One In” gets here.
I quite enjoyed the Sonja Blue series. Check it out, if you haven’t already- it’s a fairly old trilogy.
I hate that vampires are almost always treated as tragic, romantic figures. I want a book where they’re undead, dammit. Vampire$ was a good one.
If you want really creepy, nasty vampires, try Ilona Andrews.
Jim Butcher’s vamps aren’t romantic figures, either.
Uh, you use your brain – Romance novelists seem to manage it just fine – to the tune of 10.7 BILLION dollars in sales in 2007 alone. Very few romance novels use vulgar sexual terms.
It’s not rocket science but it does take some skill and effort. There’s actually nothing wrong with using “Mr. Happy” as a term for a penis but it has to be in the right context or tone. That particular phrase is completely out of tone for that scene… not sure which is lacking - skill or effort - but something is. Jennifer Crusie is a romance author particularly adept at writing sex scenes which are funny but not silly.
BTW It’s obnoxious to paint all Romance novels as all containing poor writing. It is categorically not true, and the most popular authors are usually the best writers as well.
Plus, there’s nothing vulgar about “penis.” It may offend some, but I’d rather see “penis” or “cock” a thousand times before reading about Mr. Happy. Mr. Happy just makes me think about what some creepy uncle would have his niece tell him to call it just before he molested her. (Though given Sookie’s…uh, past, this is sort of realistic!)