I started much the same thread a while ago, and got some of the same responses, but different results. We’re still very good friends, and perhaps a bit better at understanding what the other person is thinking. The only bad part is the disparity in ability to find another partner. She’s a friendly girl who’s losing weight and wears something like an F cup. I’m a nice guy. So while it hasn’t become an issue yet, I know damn well I’m the one that will left without a partner when it’s over. There is also a bit of irrational resentment because of it, since she’s basicly using me as a safety net while she finds another guy she likes. I can deal, (There’s always the band… of the hand) but it’s still a bad thing to go around irrationally resenting your friends.
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I can tell I’m already in the “Aww, screw it” Phase. I think next comes the “I’m pissed” phase. Anyway, I’ve liked her for quite a while, and never tried anything because a)I am a little lacking in self confidense and felt she was out of my league, and b)I didn’t want to spoil a good friendship. I’m glad it happened now, before I got to emotionally involved. It just sucks to lose a good friend to such a dumb mistake.
PCW- I have explained to her that I was kind of gaga before this (she knew it) and it never affected our friendship. I think that if I can deal with it she should be able to deal with it as well. I’ve tried talking to her about this already, and she doesn’t really want to. It seems she thinks if she ignores it then it didn’t happen. I’ve never had a “one night stand” before. I don’t think I will again. It’s not as much fun as all my friends made it out to be. It would have been different I think if it was some woman I had met at a club and never expected to see again.
Ok…enough of the false machoism (is that even a word?). This really sucks. I know I get attached way to easy, but to get blown off like this really does suck.
I don’t think having sex with a friend will ruin the relationship. It has been my experience to have fairly steady relationships with friends after that drunken fling. All of whom I am still great friends with today. 2 are married to other mutual friends.
But I am one of those women that can differentiate between love and sex. I love dating. I love having sex and going out and just having a good time. Unfortunately I sometimes have to say goodbye to a great guy if he asks me to marry him or move in with him. I can’t seem to make that commitment, even though I kind of want to, its just too scary. Well, there is one guy that I might consider, but he still lives with his mom at 27, so that’s kind of an obstacle.
Otherwise, I’m far too selfish to share my life with anyone else other than my kids. I don’t make compromises or sacrifices(except for the boys) and I make every important decision that regards myself or my boys. How could one Possibly give that up after being accustomed to it for so long? Sex on a daily basis would be kinda nice though. Oh well, maybe when I’m 40.
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My initial response to your initial post was that 6 weeks is in no way long enough to start dating anyone if you intend on anything other than one date. But there is hope. My own experience: dated someone too soon after a breakup. I really liked him, but it made me sick to my stomach to be physical with him in any way - it just felt wrong. Two years go by, I’ve started dating him again, and it is lovely. Give her some time. It’s not the sex that’s bugging her, 10 to one, it’s the ex.
As Dopers who have read some of my postings know, I cannot speak from personal experience. However, I took a course in Family Law; the instructor was an attorney in that specialty; sad to say, she is no longer living. She was probably the most ardent feminist I have encountered in my life; she said once that it is quite possible–and make no mistake, I am NOT discussing forcible rape here– for a man and a woman who don’t even like each other to get into bed and have sex willingly. I shot back, “That’s their tough luck!”
I, uhhh, have had sex with a number of friends and I honestly can’t think of a single time it’s ruined our friendship. Your woman just turned out to have issues, Greathouse, it’s a shame but it’s by no means an inevitable consequence of banging your friends.
But of course if you’re uncomfortable with the idea now there’s no reason you have to do it again.
I see your point, CF, but the fact is that SHE did just that. (I did, too, later. Needed both hands at the time so the narrative didn’t lag…that’s just the kind of considerate lover I am.)
The point I was making was that when sexuality is introduced into a formerly platonic relationship – whether an in-person or online one – the repercussions can be the same. The lady did something out of character (I guess) for her, felt embarrassed about it, and couldn’t look me in the cyber-eye anymore. A damn shame.
She was probably the most ardent feminist I have encountered in my life; she said once that it is quite possible–and make no mistake, I am NOT discussing forcible rape here– for a man and a woman who don’t even like each other to get into bed and have sex willingly. I shot back, “That’s their tough luck!”