I just noticed, there seems to be a lot of penis threads on here.
Is this trend or am I too focused on the male anatomy?
< giggle >
Since this is the most pointless thread I have ever come up with…how about some of the best penis jokes you might have.
Why did the penis cross the road?
< insert answer here >
Hmmm, so technology illuminates us all. I tried a pithy follow-up (“define ‘too focused’”) and for the first time got a flood control warning. Which meant either I tried to post too fast in a row or got caught in an typical Doper scrum to respond to a topic about sexual parts.
Veb
Because it was stuck inside the chicken…
Penis is such a funny word, think about it peenis, peenis, peenis, PEENIS.
Can you tell I am bored out of my skull? Got laid last night and it’s all I think about.
God I am weird, I think I need a good dose of reality.
Huh? As any guy knows, and will happily tell you if you ask, this just isn’t possible. It’s one of the great constants of life, like bread falling buttered side down.
Just a reminder that English uses the pee-nis pronunciation, appropriately, and many other languages use pen-is.A short e. My mom thought the department store Penny’s sounded like that.
The penis crossed the road, of course, because it was still in Lorena Bobbitt’s car.
And why wasn’t John Bobbitt chasing her? He always heard that you shouldn’t go off half-cocked.
Live a Lush Life
Da Chef
What did the right leg say to the left leg?
“Hey, look! Shorty’s growing a beard!”
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
“It’s cute, but how do you breathe through it?”
Judges 14:9 - So [Samson] scraped the honey into his hands and went on, eating as he went. When he came to his father and mother, he gave some to them and they ate it; but he did not tell them that he had scraped the honey out of the body of the lion.
Of course, you all heard the story about how after Lorena forced the issue of her husband’s separation anxiety, as it were, she went for a drive, and threw the severed penis out the window. When John Wayne finally came to, and called 911 and was rushed to the hospital, somebody had to go out and find it so it could be reattached. Miracle of miracles, they actually managed to locate it. When the lucky individual got back, he said- and I swear I’m not making this up- “We’re not sure if this is the right one or not, but it’s the only one we found.” And another branch of the humor industry was born.
An infinite number of rednecks in an infinite number of pickup trucks shooting an infinite number of shotguns at an infinite number of road signs will eventually produce all the world’s great works of literature in Braille.
Just remember: the penis - mightier than the sword.
Wait, did I space that correctly?
The Dave-Guy
“since my daughter’s only half-Jewish, can she go in up to her knees?” J.H. Marx
Yep. I did.
The Dave-Guy
“since my daughter’s only half-Jewish, can she go in up to her knees?” J.H. Marx
Just a post-Bobbit post; can you imagine the poor dispatchers and cops after that one?
“Uh, we have a code…we don’t have a code.”
“All units are to poke around highway litter and look for…uh…”
Sorry, distracted there…
Veb
Hey, what about the guy that had to pick it up?
When I first started my engineering career back when the earth was cooling, we used drawing pens filled with India ink. Once a day or so your pen would get crudded up and you’d have to go rinse it out.
The most convenient sink was in the nearby restroom and the ink would splash around and leave stains that the custodians had to clean up every single day. Finally someone put up a sign – “Please do not clean your pens in the sink.” Well, even a bunch of engineers couldn’t pass up a straight line like that. It took about five minutes for the sign to be altered to read – “Please do not clean your penis in the sink.”
“pluto … a seriously demented but oddly addictive presence here.” – TVeblen
LOL Pluto, that’s hilarious! Nothing like a real-life story to make it even funnier!
Hey techchick whussup in da springs? Ever figger out why tha roads are so wide?
Anyway, I got a real life story:
In high school some friends of mine and I were playing the penis game in German class. In case you don’t know, the penis game is when you say “penis” and your friend says “penis” a lil louder, and so on and so on until the one between you has enough balls to shout “PENIS!” and the other person can’t beat it. Anyway, the classrooms were in a quad type of setup so all classes could hear each other rather well. So there we are in German class, listening to recitation in French/Spanish and reciting lessons of our own in German. Our teacher can’t hear us so he breaks out this mic and some big ass speakers. So when my turn comes around, I of course use my deepest voice to say
<font size=+6>HEY TERRY…PENIS!!!</font>
Calvin said it best: Three teachers and the principal couldn’t restore order.
I love the word penis. Noonch
“And on the eighth day, God Created beer
to prevent the Irish from taking over
the Earth.”
~SNOOGANS~