Phlip I don’t think Buddha was being melodramatic. I’ll second everything s/he said. You touch me without permission I reserve the right to kick your arse three ways to Sunday. You touch my child I’ll excercise the right.
Old ladies have a tendency to touch babies, rednecks have a tendency to spew racist shit and religious fanatics have a tendency to stone people to death. Doesn’t make any of those actions acceptable or even excusable.
I don’t know what the history is between you, Buddha and this chicken stuff, but even if this is the Pit cut out the tough-guy shit in this thread and start another one mmmmkay? I don’t now squat about Buddha but there are those of us who support his/her sentiments to the hilt who will cheerfully allow you to fulfil your wish re. touching to experience the consequences, if the opportunity presents.
I think you’re right that holding the hand of a toddler (who probably goes to daycare or nursery) is not as bad as touching the hands of a younger child, and in addition if the child is truly lost they may feel reassured. Of course, if the panicking parents arrive and spot a man leading their child away they may freak out. So if one is male one might prefer to avoid physical contact with the child just in case.
No, you’re not paranoid, you’re a concerned dad. She’s your baby, if you don’t want someone to touch her, that’s fine. I had a preemie, too, so I know the feeling.
Got any pictures of the Baby Bubble Girl? Or is she the little Baby Sealemon?
How is she doing? Better, I guess, since she’s home. My son was four weeks early, but came home after only a week and a half. Very scary time, I know.
If some old lady touched my baby like that, I’d reach up and squeeze her cheeks or honk a tit or something. She’d probably get annoyed and I’d say “oh, I assumed you thought it was ok to touch strangers without permission!”
I have four kids, and you know how the doctors and grandmas always tell you to keep the baby away from public places for the first 8-12 weeks? Well, I never did…my kids were out and about almost from the get-go. Never had a problem at all, and I suppose (although I don’t remember specifically) that they were handled by all sorts of people.
Then, along came babypoet4, and she was out and about early on as well, meeting and greeting and having a ball. Until, at five weeks, she developed a fever.
All the books tell you that a fever in an infant less than 8 weeks old constitutes a medical emergency. What they don’t tell you is what, exactly, that means. In our case, it meant 6 hours in the emergency room, dealing with IVs in her scalp, chest xrays, blood draws of all sorts, a catheter, and a lumbar puncture, followed by FOUR DAYS in the hospital on IV antibiotics that were so strong you could smell them on her skin, and I could taste them when I kissed her cheek. It was a nightmare. Thankfully, she was fine, but it was terrifying to see my tiny girl go through that.
So it’s not terribly unreasonable for a parent to be this concerned about germs. If the kid were four years old, or a junior in high school, this level of watchfulness might be overboard, but we are talking about a tiny infant here, and they can get very very ill VERY quickly.
Jesus on a stick, yes she touched the holy hands. Let’s get down to brass tacks here… the mother is worried that this kind if misguided stranger will kill her kid by transmitting a disease to it. First of all, I’m sure that the 11-yo sister would be FAR FAR FAR more likely to transmit a lethal pathogen to the child than the strange woman. And really, what are the odds that the woman would transmit something lethal to the baby? one in tens of billions? I’m sure thousands upon thousand of babies die from car accidents on the way to the mall than a stranger touching a kid’s hands.
Look, I’m not saying that the kind stranger in the bathroom wasn’t wrong, but this reaction is borderline hysterical. she replied to my reply by saying that no relatives of hers will be touching her baby at thanksgiving. This is not normal or healthy, and like i said, utterly hysterical.
last night our family went out for ice cream, my fiancé, his two toddlers, his mother and myself. as we came out of the shop, we saw a man on the sidewalk with a very cute dog and a baby. the whole group of us sort of swooshed in with the oohing and ahhing, and i noticed this really uncomfortable look on the guy’s face. the exact same look that i used to get as a shy highschooler when people i didn’t know would approach me out of nowhere and try to be friendly. so i just commented to the guy that with a dog and a baby, he must be a magnet for strangers, and tried to herd my family into the car to leave the poor guy alone.
it seems to me that people are awfully self-absorbed about this sort of thing. it was obvious that this guy was not comfortable having a crowd of strangers around him and his kid and dog, but i was the only one who noticed. yes, it’s nice to be friendly, but if it quite obviously makes someone uncomfortable, be considerate of that! if someone doesn’t want to be touched, doesn’t want you to touch their kids, just be considerate, damnit! they’re the ones who get to choose, not you!
Zuma, obviously you’re not a parent, been around infants much, nor understand vectors of infection for infants. So it would be nice if you’d like zip the lip and learn something. Infants are much more at risk from a stranger than from a sibling. This was mentioned in an earlier post. Especially if the sibling is taught to wash hands thoroughly before touching the infant.
A cold can kill an infant. High temperatures can cause brain damage. If nothing else, can make for some damn unpleasant hospital experiences in the middle of the night. Read bodypoet’s post. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life was hold my 8 month old daughter for about 5 hours in the middle of the night while she was receiving an IV. If it means bitch slapping her own grandmother much less a stranger that isn’t practicing good hygeine to maybe prevent that from occuring a second time, then someone’s gonna get a bitch slap or worse. I’ve done it before, and will do it again. Just 'cause Hollywood tells you it’s okay to tickle a baby under her chin and coochie coochie coo does not make it so.
You’ve also misread the reply that Bubble Girl made to you the first time.
Hmm… now who’s going overboard and exaggerating? Where did anyone say they were afraid the lady would KILL the kid? The lady was rude, there is a good reason behind her behavior being unacceptable (not lethal, just a good reason) and therefore the OP posted a rant about it. I posted a rant about bad service at CompUSA… why don’t you go over to that thread and say that my reaction to the customer service at CompUSA trying to kill me was overboard? :rolleyes:
I would generally fall on the side of the people who said “She should have asked, but it’s no big deal, and we ought to revel in the fact that people express love and admiration for children instead of scathing looks and annoyance.” But the fact that the baby is so small changes that. Yes, a baby gets exposed to plenty of germs, but a tiny baby doesn’t pick things up and doesn’t get into much. It’s not like this is a six-month-old baby who is eating sand in her spare time. Her own helplessness actually protects her from much of the world’s grime. Until some stranger comes and puts germs on her hands. Any person with any sense would keep a respectful distance.
The problem is that when we go into “mama bear” mode, people may tend to remember the sparks flying from our hair more than the sensibility of our message. If this woman was told “Oh, I so appreciate your sweet words for my baby, but you may have noticed she’s small. It’s really important that we don’t introduce new germs to her while she’s so little–so I hope you’ll ask before holding the hands of another one so small. I’m sorry to sound like I’m scolding–it’s just that many people don’t realize how vulnerable preemies are.” While she’d be a little embarrassed at the time, the message, delivered gently, is one she’ll remember and might even pass on to others at some point {"Ooooh, Marge, look at that tiny baby. Say, did you know that they’re even more vulnerable than most infants… ")
Otherwise, what she might take away from the encounter is “Gee, what an overprotective bitch!” You had every right to be annoyed as hell, but it’s also an opportunity for polite education. I think her ignoring you was probably sheer embarrassment on her part–she didn’t know how to handle it. On my best day, I would have cheerfully called out my little informational speech over the bathroom stall door, I guess, and then left. Though most days, I probably woulda wrestled her to the ground and stood on her neck.
So just because the child is necessarily exposed to the germs of its siblings and parents, the mother shouldn’t mind exposing it to the germs of the general public?
Pneumonia is a common complication of the ‘flu’ and affects 1 out of 100 people and can be fatal in extremely young or elderly people. And even if the odds are 1 in ten billion, why should the mother take that risk just so that some woman can experience the pleasure of holding her baby’s hands? If this woman is so affectionate and likes to be around children so much, I’m sure she could do some kind of social work which would give her the opportunity.
I would agree with you on this point except for the fact that the baby is premature.
If the mother is so worried about germs why is the child even out in public?
Yes I heard … HANDS … TOUCHED THE HANDS … whoopie … germs are EVERYWHERE … not just hands …
Also what kind of idiot leaves their child on a changing table and walks away even if just for a moment??? HELLO …
All of you fussing about how rude and horrible it was for this woman to coo over the baby and touching the hands are probably the same people that get huffy when people want nothing to do with your children. Yes, that is right … there are some people that don’t think having a child is the most precious most important thing you can do with your time and life. And that children should rarely be seen or heard.
And before the comments begin let me answer this …
I do not have children (you do not need children to have common sense in fact it more often than not helps NOT to have them), You can not keep yourself or your children safe 100% of the time life is to be lived … if you have issue with this … STAY HOME … and finally if you get upset by my comments before you post a reply to them and get huffy with me ask yourself this … if you didn’t want the opinions of others why in the heck are you posting your woes on the INTERNET???
OK, Zuma, here it is: NEVER TOUCH ANYONE OR THEIR KIDS WITHOUT PERMISSION!!! EVER, EVER, EVER!!! Get it through your head–it’s rude!
Have you ever been afraid to go to sleep for fear that your sick baby will choke on all the mucus in his/her lungs and throat? Or that they will vomit in the night and choke and you won’t awaken when they need you most? Well, I have–and I know that I’m not the only one who has. If you don’t have a child, then it’s impossible for you to understand the depths of the love we feel toward our kids and how the idea of them suffering even the slightest pain agonizes us… Worry over other things in life becomes trivial, except where those things threaten our baby’s health or happiness. There is no way to explain what happens to your heart when you become a parent.
SHAME on you for condemning what you obviously cannot comprehend–the protective instincts of a loving parent. Whether or not you feel that we are overprotective matters not a bit to us. YOU are not responsible for our children’s safety and well-being, so lay off the rest of us who are. I hope that if you ever have a child that you won’t be as callous about their health as you have been toward us on this board. And if you DO have kids, DOUBLE shame on you–I don’t see how you could fail to understand how we feel about this!
Absolutely true. Of course, recursive logic does mean that we can comment on your opinions, as (to paraphrase you) “if you didn’t want the opinions of others why in the heck are you posting your opinion on the INTERNET”
So, I hope you won’t mind me saying that I think it’s perfectly reasonable to take your baby out in public, yet still be upset if someone should touch him/her without asking the parents permission. I also hope you won’t mind me saying you’re an idiot.
I have been up all night long worrying about my dog who has been sick … also it breaks my heart to see my husband ill … and I have love for him … this nonsense about “until you have a child you will never understand” is just that NONSENSE … anyone can FEEL emotion … parents just get upset when some don’t see things the same way as they do.
Not at all … I think that you are entitled to your opinion. Even if I don’t agree with it. If I minded what anyone thought about me I would have kept my thoughts and ideas to myself. But please note that I won’t be losing sleep over your assumption of me.
Hello ImChildFREE, Welcome to the straightdope. Now learn to read. Bubble girl in her op said ** "I finish changing her and walk over to wash my hands while my 11 year old stands right beside her stroller. ** In fact bubble girl never even said she used a changing table, not all parents do.
A parent has every right to expect strangers to ask before touching their children. Especially a tiny baby who can’t say stop it.
Sure, anyone can feel emotion, and I think an imaginative enough person could probably understand the love of a parent for a child, but this love is different from the love between two adults or the love of a child for a parent. There is a strong protective instinct which kicks in, and a feeling of uncontrollable love which is hard to describe. I don’t have children but as it happens I include myself among those who can understand the feeling. But if I had experienced the birth of a much younger sibling in my family, whom I subsequently helped raise, I don’t think I would fully understand it.
Bullshit. It’s not “nonsense”. And since you don’t have kids, no, you won’t understand. The love for a pet or spouse or other family member…sure, we all feel that. My sister has MS; I feel sorry for her…My mother is showing signs of early-Alzheimer’s; I’m devastated…I’ve held dying dogs in my arms; it was heart-breaking.
But the love for your own child is just different. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s this fiercely protective mother-lion thing. It’s not that I love my kids more than other family members, it’s just different.
