ImChildFREE, would you mind previewing?
I don’t mean that in a rude way, it’s just that your arguements are getting very hard to follow.
Thanks in advance.
lieu
I’mchildFREE, I think I’m speaking for a lot of people here when I say that it’s not your opinions that were so irritating, it was that you didn’t actually read the OP. You read what you wanted to hear, and that’s really annoying.
Also, statements like (Paraphrasing here) “So what if someone touches her hands, germs are everywhere” is a great example of an uninformed opinion. You might want to read up on the subject a little bit better before you make blanket statements like that.
Just a little friendly advice.
Thanks to everyone for the compliments!
What is previewing? Is there a FAQ section??? There are a lot of terms that I have never heard before on other boards elsewhere on the net. Some place I can check out what is what???
FAQ
vB coding help
And to the immediate left of the “Submit Reply” button is a button that says "Preview Reply,’ which, well, let’s you preview your reply.
Thanks
This is the parental genius. For the record, not once have I made a personally insulting remark towards anyone on this thread–but it looks like I’ve just been insulted. Guess I’ll just go slit my wrists now! :rolleyes: (Yes , my opening remarks were addressed to a particular poster, but I didn’t call rude names. Just responded to severely sarcastic remarks and let him know that he/she should be ashamed for speaking so harshly of what he/she did not comprehend, and that I hoped such an attitude did not carry over into actual parenthood, should that ever happen.)
WHY is it so hard to make this point? I NEVER said that childless people didn’t understand love. I SAID that you can’t understand what you feel for your CHILD if you don’t have any. This is NOT an insult, as you seemed to feel it was. It is quite simply the truth–would you have taken offense if a veteran came on the boards and said that unless you’ve been in battle, you can’t understand what it’s like? I don’t know–maybe you would. Might start a rant on how you are JUST AS PATRIOTIC as any veteran and how dare he imply that you don’t love your country. But that would not have been what the man was saying–just as I never even implied that people without kids lead loveless, meaningless lives. Just that you don’t comprehend the fierce protectiveness that a PARENT feels FOR THEIR CHILD!!! I didn’t either, till I had mine, and as the oldest of five children, I’ve been around babies all my life.
Childfree–I am quite sure that you love your husband, your family, your pets. Love is a wonderful thing–but can you honestly tell me that you truly understood what it was like to be IN love (like you are with your hubby, I’m certain) until you first fell in love? Which of us did? None of this was meant to slander anyone, but apparently that’s how it was taken. The thing that I was addressing was the ridicule handed out by those who didn’t know what WE feel, and who thus concluded that what we felt was absurdly overblown. So I tried to make clear WHY we feel this way and how it affect our lives when our children are threatened in any way and somehow, this was translated as an insult to childless people everywhere. It was never intended as such and I’ve tried repeatedly to make that clear. Maybe this time will do the trick–I can only hope! 
How adorable! I love playing with the rabid, nonthinking CF crowd! They’re the ones who read Missy B and “really relate.” Never mind that TMB’s essays require some degree of intellectual conprehension, not to mention a sense of humor–no, these drones come out of the factory witht he chips already on their shoulders, desperately searching for an excuse to scream their CF-ness to the rooftops.
They just get so cute when they spew their idiocy all over the room!
-a-
Point the first: Touching things that don’t belong to you is rude and wrong. This is basic kindergarten stuff that we have all been told. This principle is extended to personal space. I have the smallest personal space of anyone I know of. After three words of happy chat I’m willing to hug people. I am a touch slut. Even so, a complete stranger grabbing my hand would put me off. A baby is a very small person, no one has any right to enter their personal space any more than an adults. A parent has every right to go full blown protective mode if some jackass does so. (And parent protective mode is a high holy thing to see. Not something I mess with or want messed with. Its an impressive instinct. I put a child up for adoption when I was 18. I saw him for a grand total of half an hour before he went home to his parents. Instinctually, still, the idea of anyone or anything daring to attempt to injure him makes me, an avowed pacifist, want to know how to use a gun. Its powerful and no, it can’t be understood without being a parent, biological or otherwise.)
My basic rule on parental protectiveness is that it is blameless and not something to be messed with. (I scoff at hikers who pet baby bears and lose arms. Same principle. You touched her kid, all bets are off.)
Point the second: childfree, you’re being … caustic. The combination of your formatting style and your tone makes you come off as a screeching loon. You begin, first post, with yelling at the OP like a soroity girl during finals and then becoming instantly defensive. This coupled with your newness is jarring and not … friendly. (I feel silly mentioning friendlyness in the Pit, but I’m just miss sunshine and light, what can I say.) Please understand that this will not make you friends. (Its not that you disagree, its that you’re being particularly obnoxious/jerky in how you disagree.)
Respectfully,
Medea’s
[sub]why does the irony of my username bite my ass whenever I get into serious subjects? sigh…gotta love the mythological passion figures.[/sub]
ewwww…
projectile idiocy. I also think the CF crowd has far more rabid loonies than most social groups. Perhaps it’s a persecution complex. Afer all, they are pursuing a radically different lifestyle than most, but even if people like ImChildFREE are in the minority, they’re the vocal ones. Hint for ImChildFREE you’re dragging down the movement. You are the weakest link my dear.
Steven
Well, one little nitpick, Steven:
With all respect, choosing not to have a child is hardly the act of a radical.
But so many of those silly little bints seem to think it is, and turn it into something it’s not. If they want societal acceptance of their choice (and I’ll continue to argue that that already have it) they need to stop treating it as though it’s some big deal.
NOOOOOOO!! I was saving that nit for a tea-time snack! Bastage! 
I can kind of agree with you that it’s not radical, but that depends on your definition of radical. For me, I think that since reproduction is one of the basic functions of a human being, willfully choosing to supress this instinct and taking substances/utilizing artificial means(condoms, etc) to prevent conception during the entire course of you life, sounds radical to me. YMMV, and obviously does. Now can we agree to disagree and I keep the rest of my nits?
Steven
Fair enough.
Although I’ll take one more (you weren’t going to eat that little one, were ya?) and suggest that copulation is more a fundamental human instinct than reproduction . . . and I’ve not met any loony CFer who didn’t approve of that.
[sub]Now here’s the lowest thing I’ve ever done…[/sub]
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by ImChildFREE *
**
**
You’re so proud of being what nature decided to make you that you scream it from the hilltops? That’s lovely. I think I may change my screen name to ImFEMALE or ImJUSTbigBONED, and brag about how my lifestyle choice includes being female and having “big bones”.
You say you choose to be childless, and then you tell us you tried for a baby and lost it. You criticise other members of this board for being parents, declare you’d never want to be a parent, and then tell us you were almost a parent once, but circumstances beyond your control took the baby from you. There’s a lot of inconsistancy here… are you telling us the whole truth? I’m terrib;y sorry that you lost your baby - something I wouldn’t wish on anyone - but I find your attitude of bragging about being infertile hard to comprehend. You say you’re happy to be “ChildFREE” - how did you feel about your baby before you lost it? Was it wanted and mourned, or was it an accident that you were gleeful to be free of? If your baby had lived, would you be in here complaining that you wanted to be ChildFREE?
And no, this isn’t a coffee shop, but nevertheless relationships are formed here. A SDMB couple married recently. Another couple are engaged. We hold “Dopefests”, which give us a chance to finally meet each other in person. Many people here chat off these boards. Most have at least one person they would consider a friend that they met here. We may not physically be sitting in a coffee shop catching up on the gossip, but we have that same sense of comaraderie - and I say all this as an “invisible” doper, one who lives too far away to attend most Dopefests, who isn’t smart or witty enough to catch the attention of the more brilliant Dopers, one who offers little but takes much from the boards. I enjoy talking with these people, and did experience the sensation of a stranger butting in. While our conversations are open to all, we appreciate tact from new participants. Of course, I may just be speaking for myself.
Personally I think it’s just admiration for your child, and I would have been upset if I saw the lady come out of the stall without washing her hands. Otherwise, well it’s public land.
Yes, it can be upsetting to not be asked but stalking the woman and screaming at her in public also set a nice example for your 11 year old, jmo.
Setsail
Nineteen months membership, and this thread inspires you to make your first post? Wow!
the child is public land? that’s the only possible conclusion i can draw from what you said. after all, bubble girl did not get upset that this woman was using the bathroom, that she put her purse on the counter, or that she took some paper towels. no, bg was upset that this woman touched her child. therefore your remark seems to imply that she should not be upset at this invasion because the child is somehow public property. and, as i’m sure you can tell, that’s idiotic.
and yesterday, when we took our two year old and our nine-month old out for dinner, practically everyone who passed our table either chucked babypoet under the chin or patted her arm or hand.
She’s old enough now that I don’t worry about things like that–I’m probably less concerned about germs than I should be anyway–but it is interesting to notice these things for the first time.
How come no one tries this with my sixteen year old, I wonder??? 
~karol
I wasn’t going to enter this thread, until I saw this…
My mother-in-law would disagree with you 
And that’s the reason why it can be a big deal.
I disagree with almost everything childFREE said, however I did not think she was being trollish or a jerk until further on into the thread when defending herself. (poorly IMHO) I think she jumped in without getting a feel for this board first, has a bad way of expressing herself, and acted a little stupidly. I also think a number of people jumped on her, attacking (I know it’s the Pit) her, rather than perhaps coolly explaining their point of view and fighting ignorance. Not all of you did this, so please don’t jump down my throat, I’m just saying how this thread appeared to me.
I choose to never have children. I have the luxury of being able to make that choice. There does exist people who don’t want children and try to ram it down other’s throats. There also exits people who love children and think everyone should have them and can’t stand those who don’t and think there is something wrong with them. Fortunately there is few of either types on this board. It’s more a display of that particular individuals ignorance and lack of humanity, rather than the rightness or wrongness of the cause they are espousing.
I have been hurt by those who consider me a selfish, unfeeling witch who is not womanly because of my choice to not have children. I refer to incidents that occurred to me IRL, not on the SDMB. The SDMB is generally populated by people who try to see other’s points of view, share ups and downs, help answer questions, learn something new and also for the love of debate. Why don’t we get on with it…
FWIW, though I will never be a mother, I can visualise somebody touching my hypothetical baby and I bristle. What right do they have to touch another human without checking first ? I can feel outraged by this, without being a mother. I agree with the OP on this matter. That’s my 2 cents worth
I think we should get back to the OP, or if we all agree that you shouldn’t touch another human without permission, that germs are everywhere, but why take unneccessary risks, especially with a preemie, and that while we all sympathise with the OP it would’ve been much better if* she could’ve put her emotions aside and explained calmly that her baby was a preemie, was vulnerable and shouldn’t be touched by anyone without permission (I realise this is a big ask, and I don’t think I could do it) then perhaps we can move on.
One thing that got me was the argument that I couldn’t understand if I’d never been a mother. Please don’t use this as the argument. I don’t think it would stand up in any other debatable subject. While I’m not a mother, I still can offer opinions, try to imagine and attempt to understand. It would be more effective to try and explain the emotions, and use that explanation, rather than killing any further attempt at understanding by using that argument. For example," when becoming a carer for a child, very strong emotions arise. One of these is an extremely hair-trigger protectiveness towards the little humans that rely on you for everything." This could be part of an argument, however " you can’t understand because you’re not" does not do wonders for the fighting of ignorance.
Please note I have not named names, and I have also not said that all of the people participating in this thread have done what I have pointed out above.
*[sub]sorry, whoever came up with this first, but the thread is a tad long to re-read it, and I thought this comment didn’t get as much attention as it needed. After all we are supposed to be fighting ignorance! [/sub]
Does anyone else feel like they’re playing D&D here? 
more than you…
I don’t get it. Is this an “in” joke ? Are you referring to my post ? Please clue me in, ** Anthracite.**