And I just discovered, by way of this one, that I’m not yet ready to turn 30 (uh-oh . . . I’m 33), in part because I have heretofore neglected to write a thank-you note to every person who has ever pulled out a chair for me.
I suppose I’d better start practicing . . .
*Dear Linda,
Thank you so much for pulling out my chair for me last Tuesday when I dined in your establishment. You are an excellent hostess and your generous concern for the placement of my ass made my Red Lobster experience one of the best I’ve ever had. Again, thank you for your kindness.
Love,
Auntie EM*
Anybody got any stamps? I’m going to need quite a few.
Thank you so much for discretly applying a dollop of spit to my crotch during my dining experience in your establishment. You are an excellent waiter and your generous concern for the mousse stain next to my genetalia made my Brennan’s restroom experience one of the most discreet I’ve ever had. Again, thank you for your bountiful saliva.
Maybe somebody took down the whole operation out of thank-you note guilt.
In the meantime, I’m still catching up:
*Dear, um . . . Ross? Rick? Rob?
Please accept my much-belated thanks for pulling out my chair for me on that evening roughly 15 years ago when you took me out on that date at the steak place. I know we never went out again after that (and you probably don’t remember me; I’ve gained a little weight since then, and am no longer into oversized Forenza sweaters), but I appreciate your kindness . . . *
I may have to quit my job to squeeze all of these in.
They probably shut down the site when they got angry about not recieving thank-you notes from all of the test takers.
Dear site,
Thank you so much for allowing me to take your test! You’ve shown that I have the maturity of a 10 year old. (this is hypothetical, of course)
Hmmm… I’m 49 and ready for my late 20’s. Write thank yous to people who pull out a chair? Change a diaper even if you’re not sure how? The baby will love that! Then again, I’m not all that wild about tea, so maybe I could just say no thanks for the tea and still get outta the diaper changing. Dollop spit on a chocolate stain? Who comes up with this stuff? Oh and I screwed up the wine question. I knew it should be a red one but didn’t know which one of those it would be. Well, that’s the reason I drink beer. Beer goes with everything.
I don’t even think I’ve had a chair pulled out for me. Or spit on my pants for that matter, though I might like that. I have however, had someone order wine for me. Should I write a thank you note for that? I mean, we went back to my place after dinner and he stayed the night. Wouldn’t that be enough? Or do I need to write a thank you note for that too? This is confusing.
Well, swampbear, I’m just learning the ropes myself, but it looks like if the person who ordered wine for you and then spent the night at your place wrote you a letter of recommendation afterwards, you’re off the hook.
30-Something Savvy 90%
Congratulations – not only are you ready to turn 30 and be an exceptionally savvy, smart grown-up, you’re probably ready to be the head of an international engineering firm. Your work here is done.
But there is no way I’m writing thank you notes to everyone who helps me with my chair. I hate it when people do that anyway. Hubby will hold it for me, but all that pushing it up under me? No thanks.
What I really need is someone to haul my exceedingly large ass out of the chair when dinner’s over. Sure help BEFORE I’ve eaten, but after… Alrighty, boys. Back that crane right over here - next to the buffet.
Well, the good news is that I am ready for my late 20’s. The bad news is…I’m in my late 30’s. Does that mean I’m young for my age? I prefer to think of myself as child-like, not childish.
I screwed up the chair question on purpose, because I think it’s ridiculous to expect everyone to write a thank-you note for holding a chair. And I missed the wine question. I knew they were probably looking for the Shiraz, but I don’t like tannic wines, and went with the Riesling, just to be stubborn. I guess that might qualify as childish.
The good news is I’m ready to turn 30. The bad news is… I’m only 20! Of course, just yesterday I was told I looked at least five years older… I don’t want to be older than I am!
Depends on your interpretation of letter of recommendation, I guess. Would the stuff he wrote about me on the wall of the men’s room at the bowling alley count?
I’m not ready to be 30 because I’ve always had a good battery in my car and have never needed to jump start it. I think having a car that never needs a jump start should be enough to qualify me to be 30!
I also missed the chair and the chocolate spit question. Technically, I almost always suck on a chocolate stain (in private, and if it’s some where I can reach without taking off any clothes), so I do know that spit works (and it’s tasty, too), I just didn’t think it sounded very grown-up.