Nava I have to ask - did anyone get a picture of your aunt’s face? I imagine that it would look almost as interesting as the “first goatse” pictures someone linked to recently… 
Sadly, no-one did (it was before digital cameras), but she did a good imitation of a drowning fish.
The beauty part about an MP3 player is that you don’t even have to turn it on. Simply wear headphones and ignore anything you don’t feel like hearing.
Of course, I’d turn it on just to drown out the yakking, but you don’t have to if you don’t feel like it.
If she comes up and pokes you to get your attention, just take one headphone off your ear give her a pleasant smile and say “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. I’m listening to music!” and then replace the headphone and recommence ignoring her. Repeat as necessary.
The thing is, after her homophobic rant back at the beginning of the year, that is exactly what I said to her. I told her that I did not appreciate her homophobia in light of the fact that I am bisexual and have many homosexuals in my friends and family. I told her then that I did not want her talking to me at all anymore. Like I said, it only worked for a few weeks.
Teehee, on a side note, yesterday for lunch, I was eating my Fage (Greek yogurt) with some ginger preserves mixed in (YUM!!) when someone else asked what I was eating. When I told them, Serina looked and said “Is that good?” Now, seriously, WTF kind of question is that? I looked at her, gave my best Lucille Ball look and said “no, it’s actually quite disgusting, I am trying to lose weight, so I am eating the most horrid foods I can find.” And proceeded to consume my lunch. I kid you not, it took her 2 full minutes to ask “you were joking, right?” I looked at her and said, “Serina, seriously, do you think I would be eating it if I didn’t think it is good? If you were trying to ask if I think you would like it – the answer is no. It is a very foreign taste that I don’t think you would like.” I then got up, rinsed out my bowl and left.
Don’t be too hard on Serina. I was behind someone in a line to write down our names. I was wondering what was taking so long and was about to make a smart remark when I noticed the person very carefully, very meticulously printing his name in block letters. He was halfway through his first name. I waited, silently.
She probably thinks that means you have sex twice a year.
I foresee a game in this.
Make straight-faced comment. Time her on how long it takes her to catch on. Extra points if she gets one point, but misses another.
Aargh, my wife and I have asshole Christians (Southern Baptists, mostly) on both sides of the family (although we have some very decent ones as well.) My wife’s aunt is the most racist, hateful bitch I have ever met, and she is also one of the most vocally Christian people I have ever met. I guess “Love thy neighbor” means different things to different people. :rolleyes:
“The problem with our Baptists is that we do not hold them under water long enough.” W.C. Brann, editor of the *Iconoclast * (Waco, TX) in the 1890’s (until someone shot him)
I saw this on a bumper sticker the other day – I so want it!
ivylass – I had already thought of it. Back in the day, I used to do this with my sister – there was one joke that literally took her 4 hours to get. Good times…good times…
I would love to add my suggestions here but I have to go poop.
You made me scare my cat, I laughed so hard. Good thing I wasn’t drinking anything when I read that, or she’d be wet.
“I have to go rinse out my bowel.”
Litoris–Why do you like working there?
It sounds like a pretty toxic place, IMHO.
I like working there because:
[ul]
[li]I work only 30 hours/week but get health insurance, vacation pay and sick pay[/li][li]There is an excellent 401K match there[/li][li]We are actually discouraged from mingling during business hours[/li][li]It’s very easy work – to the point of boredom most days – that allows me to surf/play on the net all day[/li][li]The only time we ever work weekends is during peak and at most, it’s 2 Saturdays (4 hour days)[/li][li]The pay is about $3 more than the next closest call center – which is about 45 minutes further up the road[/li][li]There is almost no stress, I sell gift wrap, who yells at their gift wrap vendor, ya know?[/li][li]I never have to take work home with me[/li][/ul]
The things I don’t like there are:
[ul]
[li]Serina[/li][li]psycho cow-orker who wants to be me, but settles for stalking me[/li][/ul]
All in all, while there are some toxic people/situations there (name one company that doesn’t have at least one), overall, it is a great place. As for the whole issue that she has been there long enough to have job security if I made a stink about her racism/homophobia…well, yeh, that part is shitty, but is it shitty enough for me to leave a very comfortable job? Hell no! I have worked for some truly shitty companies – including the jerk-off who used to call me a fat cow and tell me he could fire me for being fat if he wanted to, since TN is an at-will employment state – I can deal with the few issues here, happily
She sounds batshit insane. I worked with a few of those–one was an aide who wrote on every dry erase board (in the pt’s rooms): “You are washed in the blood of the Lamb.”
And administration was ok with that. Ick.
Well, that’s very flattering and reassuring.
Not that I need to add anything to these stellar suggestions, but if it were me, I’d keep one of those remote control fart machines you see at Spencers or whatever sweatshop trinket emporium is hot at the malls these days, and whenever you’re in the breakroom alone and she says ANYTHING to you, push the button.
The conversation should go a little somethin like
Serina: What’d you-BRRRAAAAP
Serina: I don’t see -BRRRrrrraaaAAAAppp
Serina: Well I-PPPPTHTHTHTHBUBUBUBUBRRRAP
and so forth.
With each noise, look at her and scowl accusingly, never actually saying anything, then go back to your paper or whatever.
That, or you can do what I did to an obnoxious (and racist) uncle a handful of years ago, and pretend to want to whisper something quietly into their ear, and hack a big sticky loogie in there instead.
That’s just me tho.
[QUOTE=Litoris]
[li]psycho cow-orker who wants to be me, but settles for stalking me[/li][/QUOTE]
Se now, there’s the one that could really brighten your day. Have fun with her.
If she’s one of those types that will try to dress like you, then go to the thrift store and pick out clothing that, ON HER, would look absolutely horrid. You can do the same thing with hair styles and makeup, if you’re so inclined.
Find out things she doesn’t like, and then pretend that you like them. If it’s really obnoxious and won’t cost much, pretend that you’re really into it.
If she follows you around, lead her on wild goose chases. Take her places where you can double back without being seen, leaving her wondering where you went. Ideally, places where others are going to ask why the fuck she’s even there.
There’s so much fun you can have with these people, if you don’t mind them thinking you’re absolutely nuts. Eventually, they will decide not to stalk you because of that.
Even better if they tell others that you’re a psycho and into really wierd shit, but no one around them sees it or believes it. That makes them look even nuttier.
This thread is funny, but I hope I never piss off a Doper in RL. You all are devious!
If the only place she bugs you is the breakroom, why not take breaks somewhere else? I eat lunch in my car every day - I drive off to a nice cul-de-sac with a view of a field, listen to good music, and have a peaceful lunch.