A longtime friend of mine is in a relationship with a woman, ten years his senior, who has been in a relationship with another man for over ten years. They (my friend and this woman) are in love, but she isn’t ready to say goodbye to her longtime and very troubled other relationship. I am friends with the woman (having introduced her to my friend) and the other man, and I know there is deceit going on here.
Meanwhile, my friend waits. He says he feels bad about the deceit, but is quick to point out that even after ten years, they aren’t married. It still seems like an affair to me, and I’m worried for him. The statistics (such as they are) that I’ve found don’t tend to favor the odds of the affair succeeding, and I’m scared my friend will be hurt or that the relationship will self-destruct under the stress that remains its beginnings.
They do seem very good together, though, and very much in love, though said woman seems very confused and reluctant to confront the obvious problem. The one thing I don’t want to do is be judgmental, partly because it would be so easy to find something wrong here; partly because after some degree of soul-searching, I’m not sure if in the same quandry I would be strong enough to sacrifice love for what would seem to be good sense. I don’t want to tell him what to do, either.
But this has been going on for a year now. My friend is stressed, and my relationship will all three is beginning to be strained because of priviledged knowledge. What do you think? Does anybody out there have experience with affairs? How did it turn out? How do you be friend to someone in this position? What do you say to him, or not say?