Only three more months to go. I’m due June 11th.
I keep alternating between wishing it would hurry up and get here, and hoping that it drags out forever and all those sleepless nights remain safely in my future. 
So–are you planning on finding out the sex? Do you have any names in mind yet? (That’s the absolute best part, IMO–I loved picking out names for my Lil’guy and am still agonizing over what to choose for this one!)
When I was young, I didn’t think much about having kids, but when I did, I always thought I’d want to be surprised about the baby’s sex. Now that I’m older, I just think “Bugger that for a lark.” I definitely want to know the sex as soon as it’s possible to tell. I think that will make the baby seem more real, more like a person.
For a girl, it’s going to be Catherine Sophia. Catherine is my mother’s middle name and my middle name. for a boy, I don’t know yet. Probably Justin for a middle name (to honor my husband’s grandfather) but I can’t yet figure out a good first name - our last name is one of those one-syllable names that’s hard to match. Everything sounds funny.
I don’t blame you about not being ready for sleepless nights yet! However, I’ve heard horror stories about the last month being sleepless anyway because the mom-to-be is so BIG she can’t get comfortable. eeekkkkkk! :eek:
Cricket
UGGGHHH Hit that “submit” button too soon. Do you have a name picked out?
Just some MPSIMS here… went for the first ultrasound yesterday and saw the little (.68 cm) munchkin-to-be and the little heart beating.
Cricket, we are going to learn the sex for that reason too… I can start thinking of the baby as he or she instead of it. We learned the sex for our daughter and that let happy aunties and grandma’s knit little girl things 
I’m thinking Anastasia for a girl and Zachary for a boy.
Morning sickness is such a lie
grrr … didn’t mean to submit yet…
Morning sickness is such a lie… I’ve been fighting the nausea fairy since I woke up and it’s now dinner time!
One more piece of advice…for later in the pregnancy. Get a body pillow to make sleeping more comfortable. I loved mine so much that I gave it a name!
We did find out the sex. The actual pregnancy was enough of a surprise for us, thank you.
Also, think about borrowing or accepting donations of gently used items. Baby items have such a short life span that it makes a lot of sense and could save you some real money.
Well, my top two contenders right now are Jasper or Simon. But I also really like Zane, Sebastion, and Oscar…what do you guys think? I’m so indecisive–I’ll probably put off making a final decision until I see his wrinkled little face and he whispers the answer in my ear.
I love the name Sophia–it’s so elegant but really feminine too. And Anastasia is pretty too, tanookie–that was on my list with my first one before I found out he had boy parts. Honestly, there are so many more nice girl names than boy ones. It seems like you can be a little more creative with girls without feeling like you’re setting the little one up for schoolyard torment.
As for sleeping during the last month–you’re actually right on cricket. If it isn’t your big ol’ belly getting in the way of a comfortable position, it’s your thimble-sized bladder insisting you get up to pee three times a night! Ahhhh, good times.
And So It Begins. Last night I had my first meltdown. Dinner wasn’t going the way I wanted it to, so I started crying. I don’t know about 8.5 more months of this! Poor Mr. Cricket was wonderful, though. He took over the saute pan and finished the chicken (he can’t cook so his solution was to pour worcestershire sauce over it and keep cooking!). I need to find some easy recipes and menus so that he can learn to cook a few things. About the only thing he can do now is spaghetti (which isn’t my favorite) and frozen burritos.
I like Anastasia. That’s a good name. I like Jasper and Simon too. And, now that I think of it, I like Zane and Sebastian also. Sebastian might be hard for a little boy, though. I’m not sure about Oscar. But then, I grew up with Sesame Street!
Tanooki - your first ultrasound -how cool is that?! I have an appointment with my Dr. next week to be referred to an OB.
My best friend also told me to get a body pillow. Says it helped her greatly the last couple of months. Luckily for me, my in-laws are all yard-sale fools. Every Saturday morning (weather permitting) my husband, his sister and their grandparents go yard-saling (saleing?) and then to breakfast. So, I expect we won’t have to buy too much new stuff!
I agree that girl names are easier. I can think of lots of boy names that I like (nicholas, wiliam, matthew, etc.) but I don’t like the nicknames that go with 'em (nick, will, matt, etc.). Nicholas Justin isn’t so bad, is it? You know, Belladonna, having a few choices and waiting until you meet him isn’t such a bad idea. Every pet that I’ve ever had, I had to wait and get to know it before I knew what it’s name was. Does that make sense?
Cricket, ready to cry yet again.
Very cool! I’m late on this thread, sorry! (I remember the old one, as I was all planning to recommend TCOYF but was beat to it…).
RE: the OP - when did I know?
First pregnancy, I realized I was pregnant when I got cramps but NO PMS symptoms about a week before my period was due. It was the first month of trying.
Second pregnancy, I had some peculiar spiritual events that said I was pregnant, but also said that whatever happened was right, and not to be concerned. I miscarried. But I also had that really deep sense that it was okay, so I didn’t worry. That one was a whoops.
Third pregnancy (again, first month of trying), I had breast soreness, nausea, and dizzy spells before my period was due. They came and went in apparently random patterns. I had no peculiar spiritual events, and miscarried again. This time, it sucked (emotionally speaking). But I recovered.
Implantation failure the next time (first try again), had strong nausea/dizzy/etc. symptoms but they faded about three days after they started, and my period was early. I don’t count that one as a true miscarriage, though - no positive test or other signs, just was paying enough attention to recognize something that happens A LOT and most people don’t notice.
Fourth pregnancy (second month of trying, but the previous month had been anovulatory), I the first symptom was my nipples changing color (TMI, I know). They darken, you may have noticed? I’d noticed the darkening thing with the other pregs, but it wasn’t the first thing I noticed. Plus my resting temp was so high I thought I had a virus for a short while (nearly 100 degrees, when I seldom get a fever at all), and I also got the HUNGRIES, and started peeing like crazy. Then I got the other usual symptoms (breast soreness, nausea, cravings), and I could feel my uterus like a rock (swollen/hard feeling) when I slept on my stomach. But I kept getting negative tests. Negative, negative, negative. And my ‘other’ symptoms jumped around a lot, making me wonder about another miscarriage. Nope, no problem - I didn’t test positive until well over a week late, and even then only with the super-duper-sensitive test. But aside from a bothersome late-third-trimester case of polyhydramnios (too much amniotic fluid), it was a fine healthy pregnancy, and Brendan was born on his due date.
And hopefully we’ll be trying again in a few months! YAY!
RE: Books I Like
The Unofficial Guide to Having a Baby - it isn’t from one perspective, it covers everything, from medical to non medical, including how to have a good hospital birth and how to prepare properly for a home birth. Labor management/class approaches are described in detail so you can pick what suits you rather than wondering what the propaganda isn’t telling you. Very detailed medical info, but not scare tactics. It assumes you have a brain, you just need information so you can choose for yourself. Any of the Ann Douglas books are pretty decent, from what I’ve heard (I don’t have the “mother of all” books, but have heard good things).
BTW, I’d skip even reading the Ezzo stuff. If you are looking for something more mainstream than Sears, try The Baby Whisperer or The Happiest Baby on the Block. Ezzo’s stuff has caused so many crises (including documented failure to thrive babies) it isn’t worth using as a ‘balance’ reading material. It is well written (convincing), so if you don’t have other info, it is very hard to filter the dangerous info from the okay. Stick with the ones that don’t cause such a stir, and you’ll still have plenty to read. If you read it anyway, keep your salt shaker handy. Actually, for anything, using your brain and letting your reactions guide you is a good bet - instincts and ‘this doesn’t feel right’ feelings are very good starting places for parenthood decisions.
For breastfeeding books, I like So That’s What They’re For. If you are planning to go back to work, Working Mother, Nursing Mother (or is that the other way around?) is also a very good bet. I found the usually-recommended book from LLL too unfriendly to working moms.
For birth, I’ve used pretty much everything - Birthing from Within, Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way, the Unofficial Guide to Having a Baby, the Birth Book (Sears), HypnoBirthing. I also highly recommend The Birth Partner. It covers all sorts of situations with actual data, and gives specifics about what to do when and why (many options, including water birth, c-sections, meds, etc.). The wider your reading on that topic, the more likely you’ll have the info you need, and will be able to filter out what doesn’t suit you. I ended up using Bradley the first time (plus an epidural eventually - long labor), and HypnoBirthing the second time (short labor with pitocin, no pain, WOO-HOO!). I way like the hypnosis approach! (feel free to email if you want more info)
As for AP and Sears, yes, read with your handy grain of salt - without, you may find some parts patronizing. But there is loads of good stuff in there, and there is an underlying assumption that you do what works for your family, not just what works for baby. It is understanding and responding to what your baby needs without listening to anyone else (including the Sears’) that is the core of it. We probably qualify as AP, though we don’t cloth diaper and we only coslept with Gabe as long as it worked for all of us (4.5 months). We use a crib as a sidecar bed this time (Brendan) and find it has worked very well. Different child, different arrangement, different needs, different responses. :shrug: I do find that as a working mom, I like having him in bed with me - I don’t feel like I’m missing as much, including SLEEP! I often only know he nursed because I wake up not engorged… very handy, and I still get to have my side of the bed, and he gets his own sleep space (in the crib).
Elizabeth Pantley’s parenting books are also very good, IMHO. And I love the Girlfriend’s Guide to Toddlers, even though I was so-so on the pregnancy and first-year books (some very good, but definite grain of salt at times). But those are a bit down the line…
Is that enough?
RE: Pillows and Boppies
I found the Boppy slipped right off my middle all the time. Never used it much. But a body pillow… now there is a good idea! Used one with both boys, and actually brought it to the hospital with me both times! Very useful for propping up in comfortable positions.
Re: meltdowns
Hey, this is a big change! This is one of those areas where the Girlfriend’s Guide is a big help. I really thought I was rational even when I was melting down - I mean, I should still be in a shaking rage 45 minutes after someone almost cut me off on the highway, shouldn’t I? Doesn’t that person realize that there are LIVES AT STAKE??? Fortunately epeepunk was very good at not rolling his eyes where I could see him, and offered me hugs without commentary. Later, I laughed about it, too. But at the time? Not hardly!
Congrats again. I remember it feeling surreal, too, every time! Once you feel them move, though, it starts to really feel real. Meaning, at that point, reality (including the anxieties and fears and worry) really set in. But you’ll do fine.
Another website to check out (that has another few SDMBers at it) is www.StorkNet.com .
Our son, almost five, sleeps with us every night. It wasn’t always this way. From 0 - 4 months, because of breastfeeding, he was in a crib-thing by my bed. Then in his own crib from 4m to 2ish.
After our daughter was born, she was my round the clock nurser, and co-sleeping with her would have been easier for me had someone suggested it. ( I was too much in a haze, frankly.)
Just as she starts evening out in sleeping through the night and not as fussy ( she had some gas issues) our son ( 2.5) started having night terrors, of which nothing I did would calm him down.
So, I dragged him back to my bed every night. After a few weeks of this, I just started putting him to bed with me at the same time. (After he’d fall asleep, I would read or come here.) and he slept like a rock next to me.
Did I mention my husband was working from 4-5 am to 11pm every day during this?
Going to bed with our son between us is much easier than fighting over " GET to bed now" as the little weasel can delay it with three long trips to the bathroom and a host of other needing-to-be-attended to things. (His bed time, unlike eveyr other 4-5 year old I’ve met, is around 10-1030pm)
And, one of the odder bonuses of co-sleeping is that when we camp or go on vacation, he is a snap to put to bed. Our daughter ( who sleeps just fine in her own adult size bed, TYVM) is a pill to get to go to sleep either with us or in her own bed.)
I wouldn’t miss sharing this time with him at all as we have some great conversations and ( ahem) he tells me I’m beautiful and precious and a host of other compliments I ply him and his sister with during their waking hours. And, he won’t want to be there forever and some nights he sleeps in his own bed.
I don’t know why parents are so resistant to having their kids join them in bed, it can be such a rewarding, comforting time filled with great memories. Great non-tv, non-chucky cheeses, non-fast food memories. With proper training, you can still keep your spot and your blankets and, most importantly, your pillow.
Hell, I have the dog in bed too with us. My slice of pie is smaller, but I’m warmer and it is still my slice of pie.
My problems with co sleeping are all about me.
I realize different things work for different families and many many families co sleep with no ill effects… YMMV
This being the SDMB, I thought a link might be in order: BMJ study/article on cosleeping Read the whole text, as well as the commentary - it is really valuable info even if you don’t cosleep (you may also be able to help someone else cosleep more safely, or may choose to roomshare, even if you don’t bedshare…).
To address your points:
Overlying is rare, and is generally associated with maternal alcohol or drug consumption, extreme exhaustion/sleep deprivation (less than 4 hours of continuous sleep in the last 24 hours), sleep apnea, and obesity (cite for that one). Making appropriate choices about sleep location requires that you take these factors into account. Just check to make sure your cultural norms are as safe as you assume, too. Room sharing may be the safest option overall, not in the bed but near it (check the BMJ article on that one). Unless you smoke.
Fitful sleepers (parents) are not the best cosleepers, unless they sleep less well with baby in another room than they do with baby nearby. Room sharing may or may not work as an alternative (room sharing with baby in a crib nearby also makes breastfeeding at night easier for some moms) - babies are mighty noisy sleepers, especially in the first month or so! But I know fitful sleepers who cosleep or room-share because they wake less fully if they can reach out and touch or open their eyes and see their child instead of waking and listening into the darkness to hear them breathing over the baby monitor, or having to go check on them. And some kids aren’t good bedmates, as far as the wiggle factor, kicking, etc., is concerned. But that also changes with practice, and it sometimes is worth the occasional kick. Again, you have to work out what works for your family and your needs.
We have sex on occasion. 
Just because you usually share the bed doesn’t mean the baby has to be there all the time, nor does it mean that the kitchen table, sofa, or livingroom floor are off-limits for sex if the bed is occupied. It is mighty easy to work around that issue if it is even an issue.
You draw the line when it no longer works, and for a lot of kids, they draw the line for you before you expect it. For our older son, that was 4.5 months (actually started moving him out at 3 months, but did it gradually, he was clearly not sleeping well in our bed, and while he didn’t sleep all THAT well in his own bed, it was better). Healthy, normal kids will leave their parents bed on their own, naturally, usually before 6 years old, and mostly way before then. If a kid wants to sleep in your bed all the time when they are in gradeschool, there might be something else going on that is worth investigating, perhaps with a counselor. It is highly individual, for each kid, too.
My kids go to sleep on their own just fine - like a dream, according to my mom (who put nearly-17-month-old Bren down for a nap in the crib at her house today without any fussing whatsoever). It isn’t necessary to teach them to sleep on their own to have them learn to sleep ‘independantly’. Just like self-comforting measures - you don’t have to teach them to self-comfort, the behavior is instinctive, and individual. Babies will self-comfort if they need to and have the cognitive structures to do so. It is so reliable, it is used as a proxy for stress reactions in psychology studies of infancy. Whether you think they need to do it more than they are already is a matter of opinion.
Having done both approaches, it really seems to me that we expect to HAVE to train all sorts of ‘independance’ into kids, when they do it on their own anyway. I certainly get told often enough that my kids are really independant, self-assured, confident… without ‘training’ them to be so. They have that drive on their own, and will take it when it suits them, developmentally. And it has been sooner than expected in our case. If you didn’t learn that sleeping skill, there’s a reason, and I’m going to bet that it isn’t because you coslept, and nobody tried to teach you to sleep on your own. (did you cosleep with your parents? or were you ‘trained’ to sleep independantly? is it more likely that your ability to sleep on your own is completely unrelated to the ‘training’ you probably got?) There are studies underway to discover how sleeping alone or with parents affects later sleep and social issues, but so far, there’s no indication that cosleeping has any negative impact - or really much of any impact at all, either way(cite.
Anyway, science doesn’t support the idea that training a kid to sleep independantly has ANY impact on their long-term independance or ability to go to sleep on their own in childhood or later. Nor does cosleeping (though there are short-term self-esteem benefits noted for boys in pre-adolescence in particular if they bedshared).
So, yes, YMMV, but really, even the ‘for me’ reasons not to cosleep aren’t always limiting factors. There are plenty of options between the two ends. And if you had a kid whose needs were stronger than yours, I suspect that you’d find some place in the middle. Loads of variations, with a variety of issues on both ends. The trick to all parenting choices is finding what works for your family, as a whole.
This discussion has taken an interesting turn. I feel I’m getting an interesting education. I will read the article.
Hedra, thanks for your topic-by-topic breakdown of all you missed in the beginning of the thread! I have written down all these titles and added them to the list. I plan to go to a bookstore this weekend and make a couple of purchases.
I have to say that at first thought I share most of Tanookie’s concerns. But, after reading your reply as well as Shirley Ujest’s reply, I realize that those concerns aren’t necessarily based on facts. Obviously I need to read more about it (and then have the darn baby) before I’ll know what’s right for me. There is a certain attractiveness to the idea that when the baby wakes up hungry in the middle of the night, all I’d have to do is roll over!
I’m SO enjoying this thread. It’s great to read about everyone’s experiences and opinions and hear all the advice. I haven’t replied (yet) to anyone individually, but thanks for the offer of e-mails - I may take y’all up on that offer.
Yet another question - I’m curious about how many of you stayed at home the whole time, how many of you returned to work - and how soon you went back.
Cricket, already thinking about dinner…
I was at home for about 16 weeks. Returned to work full-time after, but my DH is now a SAHD. I’d rather stay at home and be the full-time parent but that isn’t the way that our finances and medical insurance situation worked out. Going back to work is tough, but I think that my DH has the harder job. I don’t think that inherently or objectively it is better to have a full-time parent for a child, however it is what we prefer for our own family.
Twiddle
Oh shoot sorry! DH = dear husband. SAHD = Stay at home dad. Parenting community shorthand there.
Twiddle
I stay home with the Kidlet, now aged 2.5, and as you know am expecting Baby II imminently. I enjoy it a lot, and feel lucky that we can arrange things this way. SAHMing is still quite common here, so I have lots of social support and so on. I had thought of going back to work part-time after everyone started school, but now we’re tossing around the idea of homeschooling, so maybe/maybe not. We’ll have to see what happens, I guess.
My $.02 on the co-sleeping is that it probably works fine for plenty of people, but it didn’t with the Kidlet. She wanted her own space from day 1, didn’t even like the bassinet much less sharing our bed, and was much happier when we ‘finally’ put her in a crib at 3 months. So take the baby’s preferences into account too, they won’t always like it!
Hmmm, what else? I don’t know, so I’ll check in later…
Yep, rolling over to breastfeed in the middle of the night is a big benefit to co-sleeping. My daughter and I never got the hang of breastfeeding lying down though, so it doesn’t always work. And some moms have a issue where their two year old still nurses through the night (has happened to a few girlfriends), so you need to set limits - at some point (feeding on demand is a good idea for the first six months or so - two year old unbuttoning your shirt and being fed on demand and treating your breasts like the nibbly table at a cocktail party is not setting limits).
Work: With my son I went back to work a month after he arrived. We had no maternity leave for adoptive parents, and I was going broke! With daughter, I took about two months, six weeks maternity leave (which wasn’t that great a deal, it covered 66% of my pay after two weeks up to a maximum - which I hit, so it was actually like 46% of my pay – but it was a hell of a lot better than the no maternity leave I had with my son). I pumped and breastfed her for another four and a half months - until she decided that the bottle was a better deal as she was far more interested in the world around her and was missing in with her face buried in my chest.
Kid-Elf slept in our room in a bassinett until she was 4 months old. Mostly because her room wasn’t ready yet (old house needed lots of remodeling, sweet but sort of lazy hubby, etc.). It was great being able to just lift her into our bed and nurse in the middle of the night. After about a month we got the hang of nursing lying down, and it was wonderful. I’d actually doze off in the middle (and so would she), at which point I’d slip her back into the bassinett. Our full-sized bed is a little small for the two of us PLUS a baby, and it was hell trying to keep the three cats out of our room for those four months. It was a relief when she went to her own room, but it did work out well while we did it.
Work: I went back after 13 weeks, full-time. I pumped for about a month afterward, but it just wasn’t working well with my schedule, so switched her over to formula at four months. I had really hoped to nurse for a year, but when it came down to it I was glad to have my body “back”. Regardless of how lousy that sounds, I was not a comfortable pregnant person OR nursing mom. My bra size was a whopping 44FF while nursing. About a month after stopping I was back to a 36D. As I mentioned before I try not to relay my pregnancy/nursing experiences to expectant moms, because it really is true that YMMV, and my body was just not happy being pregnant.
i never realised my parents co-slept with us until my mum was reminiscing the other day.
apparently we were in the big bed til 3 months, then in the crib in the room til 4 months, then out of the room when we started to be weaned.
i just remember my baby sister being in our room in her crib, but apparently that was only when she was about 6 months old and sleeping through the night.
mum says the big advantage for heer was only dealing with one crying baby rather than 2 or 3, which would have happened if we’d shared the nursery too early.
I kept Cara with me a lot in the hospital as I had a CSection and it was tough for me to get out of bed. (We were there 6 days)
The second week was when I gave up breast feeding. I won’t get too detailed but mom sobbing from pain as baby feeds is not conducive to bonding. This was also complicated by mastitis and the pneumonia that wasn’t discovered until the end of week 2.
When we got home we had a cradle in our room for 6 weeks and the animals hated being barred from our room and it was tough to go in and out without some critter sneaking by. By 6 weeks I determined if I wanted to sleep for any of the time between feedings I better get her out of my room. I woke at every grunt and was an insane zombie.
By 8 weeks she decided to scare the hell out of us by sleeping through the night. Something she’s done with a few exceptions for illness ever since.
I’m planning to go the cradle route for the first few weeks again as I will be having surgery again but then we will be placing the munchkin in his/her own room once I’m mobile. I also would like to breast feed again but I am thinking I may pump and then bottle feed from there.
I would like to take this time to say that Parallax is a saint. He’s the best hubby I could ever imagine! When our idyllic idea of going to the hospital and having the baby and coming home to settle into domestic bliss were shattered by surgery and pneumonia… he was amazing. For a guy who had never even held a baby he adapted to taking care of both of us in a snap! I can’t even begin to count the number of CVS runs he took for me while working (albeit from home) as well as doing everything for the baby. He’s also going to have to balance work and baby/momma duty again as it is probable that I have a couple of months of bedrest ahead of me again and we have a toddler to consider then there will be surgery again and I won’t be able to pick cara up for some time.