I have a question for all of the mental experts. Now this is all confusing and I cannot present it in a clear manner. K, I get embarrassed when I am like everyone else. For example, I got into Star Wars a full year before the remakes. I got the movies from my brother, then I read many books. Then the remakes came out and it was very popular. All of the little kids were into it. I felt like an idiot buying a book or anything because I felt the person selling me the item or anyone who saw I liked star wars thought that I was one of the kids who were only going through a phase. I also got into pro wrestling before it got big. Then it got extremely popular, and it just wasn’t entertaining anymore. I felt that people would feel that I was not a pure fan, that I was only a temporary one.
Have you ever seen anything like this before? Oh, on a related note, I guess I don’t take criticizm well. I hate practice cause the coaches are always yelling. I failed my driving test twice cause I get REALLY nervous when someone is looking over me. I hated going to Driver’s Ed for the same reason. I just hated them telling me how bad I was.
That is all, any input?
Yeah, I think that’s pretty common. For a lot of people a big source of happiness can be found in something they enjoy that’s somewhat “hidden” from the population at large. For an analogy, imagine you hike out in the woods and find a beautiful waterfall or overlook, no one else around. Imagine going back there some years later to find it teeming with tourists, possibly a souvenir stand on the side; that would kinda suck, wouldn’t it? Not a perfect analogy, but, in general, popularity of something you enjoy kind of cheapens the experience; there’s often a great deal of enjoyment in something you can appreciate in isolation.
Yeah this is common (but don’t let that discourage you from enjoying it…hehe)… I get it too… I started listening to electronic music in middle school when everybody else wanted nirvana and pearl jam… then years later prodigy and chemical brothers (whom I liked before and still like) made it big and suddenly something I was personal about wasn’t personal… Then of course you have the after-wave… when people don’t like it anymore and you look like you’re just behind the times cause you stuck with it… I too never liked buying things that might be seen as a trendy item… and partly for that reason I do almost all of my shopping online… truth be told I think the key to getting over that is just to not worry about what other people think… I know that’s corny and trite but it’s really true… Sometimes I have to really swallow hard when I can tell people are judging me but just kinda push on. Just keep this in mind: anyone who you would want to have as a friend doesn’t give a fuck.
One psychological theory is that of the under-developed ego. It has not yet achieved adult status, and is very dependent on the opinion of the peer group and society in general for affirmation. It is the default setting in adolescents. Ideally, the ego develops enough with experience and time to not be dependent on so many external supports.
So then what about the yuppies who all have to wear the same ralph lauren sweaters and the middle-aged house-wifes (possibly ex-yuppies) who need the latest in interior decorations?
oops… it appears I skipped over the word “Ideally”… teehee
Given our consumerist society’s narcissistic fantasies and penchant toward designer-label preening, one could make a strong argument that the groups you identify are permanently fixated at a pre-adolescent stage of development. A key goal of advertising is to liberate the id while inhibiting the development of a mediating ego. Thus, keeping up with the Jones begins at birth and ends at death.
Yup. A few years ago, I had figured out all by myself that I liked Merlot. Then the stuff became trendy, which annoyed the crap out of me.
Cabbage has it basically right - you privately feel a bit smug about knowing about this thing that most people don’t, then out of the blue everybody and his dog horns in on it.
I think this will get better responses in IMHO.
Oh good–I thought I was the only person who got mad when other people started to like the stuff I like.
I was a mad crazy David Gray fan for such a long time. I had import copies A Century Ends and Sell Sell Sell. And this was back in the day–'97-ish. And then White Ladder (which I bought way before it came popular!) came out, and everyone just fell in love with him, and my roommate bought that ONE album, and was all “Boy, I love David Gray!” and God, it pissed me off. I felt really immature and selfish for being so angry, but damnit! He’s my musician!!
I was a big daytime soap opera fan for many years. I didn’t know anyone else who liked soaps, and I always thought of it as my “secret vice.” Then I got online and suddenly I was talking to soap fans all over the country, and I was a part of the “soap community.” For a while it was fun to share my interest with others, but then I started feeling a lot of peer pressure to like the shows and characters that everyone else liked. I even found myself defending storylines I didn’t like, just because everyone else was trashing them. Soaps started to be less of a fun way to relax and more of an intense social activity involving cliques, preening, the “in” and “out” crowds, and a lot of other garbage I didn’t want to deal with. Finally, I decided to quit cold turkey – not the soaps, just the community. Now I watch soaps by myself, form my own opinions, and enjoy them much more.
kgriffey79, it sounds like you have similar problems with social situations. Sometimes its a lot easier to keep your interests private than to share them with the world. Interacting with others, whether its your peers, coaches, driving examiners, or even an internet message board, requires skills that not everyone possesses naturally. One thing to keep in mind – even though you are definitely the most important person in the world to you, that’s not the way everyone else sees it. What seems to you to be a great embarassment probably wasn’t even noticed by most of the people around you. In fact, they’re probably so busy worrying about what you think of them that they don’t even notice your mistakes.
Although I guess the two issues you bring up could be related, I’m going to treat them as individual.
Yes, I’ve gotten annoyed too when a secret pleasure became well known. But the question then becomes, does the presence of more people detract from your basic enjoyment of the activity?
For example, a lot of people got into rock climbing in the last ten years or so. But if I went to climb on weekdays, it wasn’t so crowded. I still really enjoyed climbing - I just didn’t like when it was so crowded. So it wasn’t worth giving up. On the other hand, if it’s something like pro wrestling where trendiness affects the basic product, that’s different. We’ve all seen small bands that became very different once they had wider appeal. They go sort of vanilla in an effort to please everyone.
Now as for taking criticism poorly…
I think that’s something you should work on. Being able to accept well intentioned, constructive criticism is an important skill. Without it, you doom yourself to not learning as quickly as others, if at all.
I am a coach, and while I never want to embarrass a kid during practice, the fact is many just don’t want to listen. I know how to teach my sport, but some kids think they can join a team and then not have to listen to the coach. Doesn’t work that way. If they knew everything about the sport, my services as a coach wouldn’t be needed.
So I have a few talented kids drop out every year. Very often, these kids have problems with coaches from other sports too. And it’s a great shame because lots of these kids were very able, and would have done well had they been willing to listen.
To learn is to change. Many people realize this on an instinctual level, and feel that teachers and instructors are trying to change them as people. Those who can’t get over that feeling are doomed to not learn as much. Through accepting criticism you can bypass many of the mistakes others make. You’re still in control of how you learn, and not everything instructors tell you will be correct. The trick is to have an open mind and commit yourself to learning.
Good luck.