She’s cool, she’s good-looking, and we have at least a few common interests. Plus, she’s one of us. Unfortunately, she lives in a city I’ve never been to, and it ain’t close.
What we need to do is, convince this darling of the City of Big Shoulders that I’m the best thing that could happen to her (may not be, but I think I’m close), and pull up stakes and come to New York to be all mine. Either that, or y’all can lend me the money for a job-interviewing trip to Cubtown (hard to travel on unemployment and savings) and I’ll serenade her on her doorstep, living in the alley behind her place until she accepts me.
And here’s the catch – we can’t let her know about these secret plans. If she finds out about this thread, the whole thing could degenerate into a low-budget romantic comedy B-movie. Whaddaya think? 
Before picking the most comfy chair and plopping down to watch, handing Cap’n Crude some flowers for ** Miss Creant** (I hope she’s not allergic to them!)
I’ve brought popcorn, soda, and huge box of milkduds to share.
Cap’n Crude Psst! Wipe the barbeque stain off your tshirt and good luck friend!
Easily amused insomniac,
Abby
Well, I can’t claim that it will work in your situation, but I’ve always been partial to: “My dick ain’t gonna suck itself, ya know!”
Give it a shot… let us know what happens.
OoooooOooh, this is gonna be fun, isn’t it?
I’m so rooting for you, Cap’n! -rubs hands together eagerly-
Where to begin!? Let’s see, taking up money…-rooting through pockets-
-frowns- Hm…fundraiser time? Maybe you could strip for cash. Definitely more fun than carwashes. Make sure we get all the details, ok?
giggle Astroboy, that’s great … But maybe I’ll save it for use at a later time. It certainly would be funny if I put it on the card that goes with AbbySthrn’s flowers, though.
Abby: T-shirt? T-shirt?!? Why, I’ll have you know that I wear only the finest of polo shirts! [sub]With BBQ sauce on them.[/sub] 
Hmm, stripping for cash … do you think I’ll find a sheaf of $20s taped to my scrotum? If so, how do you recommend I remove them?
Hmmmm…secret plans
ok, let the B movie comedy hilarity ensue!
The beauteous and oh-so-tasteful (and tasty) MissCreant wrote:
Oh, I am sooo busted.
Well, now that it’s out in the open, I guess the roomful of flowers from “a secret admirer” ploy will be pretty easy to figure out. Of course, with her sinuses it might be all for the best for me to back off that one anyway…