What is really wrong with this great nation of America is that we don’t read with enough care to realize that this took place in Australia – we leap straight into the self-flagellation.
It only looked like a firecracker, it was really chlorine for the gene pool.
Maybe he’s a plumber & just got confused… Ass crack… firecracker… work with me, here…
Maybe it’s a good thing ha can’t reproduce, do we really want more people of his intelligence around?
That’s sage advice from the vaudeville era, isn’t it? “Never follow an anal pyrotechnic act.”
Firecracker, firecracker, siss boom bah!
Ass-crack, ass-crack, rah rah rah!
Wow - 22 posts and no ass-cracks from lieu? 
I really hope they called for a psych consult-this guy needs to be evaluated by a professional.
It just blows my mind.
Aside from the snarky remarks, it fractured his pelvis! :eek:What kind of firecracker was he using?
Fire in the hole!
The story said he was imitating something from the Jackass. He thought it would be a blast to go off and try it out for himself.
That is NOT the way to get a blow job!
M-80, maybe? But that’s, like, a quarter-stick of dynamite. Still, it’s a popular, easy-to-find firework.
Eats_Crayons, it doesn’t, really:
Suh-weet zombie Jesus.
“Imitating Jackass?”
I’m sorry, I never felt any great need to watch a show or movie that called itself suchlike. Men in this weird-assed show put firecrackers in their butts?
Y’know, maybe I was too quick when I castigated the show, and the people who put it on the air. It occurs to me that this sort of thing – leaping off trucks onto couches, jamming explosives up your ass – is a FANTASTIC way to keep the extremely stupid from breeding.
Maybe we DON’T need to, like, take this show off the air. Maybe what we REALLY need is to KICK IT UP A NOTCH! Go out and get PROFESSIONALS! Hell, hire Jackie Chan! Add computer graphics, like the one where Tom Cruise leaps from the exploding subway train in “Mission Impossible!”
Make it look IMPOSSIBLY COOL to pull these totally idiotic stunts that will KILL YOU!
It occurs to me that we could really have a fine time recalculating how much of a percentage point the average human IQ goes up every year that show was on the air…
Well, there’s that theory shot full of holes.
I saw the two later quotes…
From the doctor: “young people were particularly susceptible to imitating movies like Jackass.”
And the sergeant: “The danger with movies like Jackass, he said, was that some people were tempted to try the stunts at home.”
…and thought that they trumped the earlier disclaimer.
Granted this crackpot could’ve thought up the idea himself.
It’s depressing to admit, but guys have been amusing themselves with explosives, their butts, and combinations of the same, for much longer than people have been willing to exploit it for low-budget entertainment.
If you read the instructions on fireworks, they only state “Do not hold in hand.” This being the case, the ass must be fair game.
Actually, I think it was bottle rockets they were shooting out of their ass on Jackass. I think Steve-O repeated this performance on his home-grown video Don’t Try This At Home. In that one he also locks himself and an equally stupid buddy in his car and ignites a large amount of Class C fireworks stashed in the back seat. He also sets his girlfriend’s breasts on fire (different stunt). This guy is a walking Darwin Award winner year after year, and he’s still breathing. Hopefully he has the sense not to breed, but his girlfriend is equally brain-dead.
As usual, dear Unca Cecil scoops us again (I thought this stunt sounded familiar): Is it true what they say about gerbils?
The proof is right here, folks. Reading the Straight Dope really can save your ass!
Look on the bright side: At least he wassn’t stupid enough to stick it in his penis hole. That’s what I thought it was going to be about when I read “blows up his urethra.”
But then I guess it would’ve read “blow up his penis.”
And as far as sphincters go, I can’t imagine anything worse than having a flaccid one.
Happy
I have the Jackass movie, and I seem to recall them shooting off bottle rockets, and maybe something involving sparklers, but I don’t remember anything about gripping firecrackers with your nether cheeks… much less ones capable of doing the damage described.
I have the Jackass movie, and I seem to recall them shooting off bottle rockets, and maybe something involving sparklers, but I don’t remember anything about gripping firecrackers with your nether cheeks… much less ones capable of doing the damage described.