While shopping at Super Target today, I was contemplating their food brand, Archer Farms. I wondered if this was a separate grocery store that had been bought out and then realized…
Archer. Target. Now I get it!
Anyone want to make me feel less silly?
Hey, I went to Target today. Got some neato sweaters.
But my 'doh time came before that. Went to a fast food joint for lunch. And still ate there even though it had a “B” rating.
If you don’t hear from me tomorrow, call the paramedics 
It could have been worse.
You could have gone to Target for lunch.
I did that once. I only barely survived the experience.
Done.
This morning, I missed a spot shaving. I didn’t shave yesterday, so the spot is 2 days’ growth. I don’t notice this until I am almost at work and checking myself out in the rearview mirror. Lookin’ good.
I hatch a plan to clean up as best I can with the scissors on my Swiss army knife. I’m one of the first ones in my area to arrive at work and I start looking around in female coworkers’ cubicles for a vanity mirror. I come up empty.
That’s when the magical, outside-the-box, duh-moment thought hit:
Hey, maybe I can find a website that’s a mirror! http://www.mirror.com or something!
Eventually I settle on the mirror in the men’s room.
Zyada I know better than that. I figure they can probably let the hotdogs sit for at least 4 hours before they have to toss them. Ugh. The only thing I get at the snack area in Target is a slushy. Mmmmmmmm, blue tongue is good.
Blue tongues = good fun.
Good fun = harrassing Target employees.
Harrassing Target employees = duh moments. (and security :()
Duh moments = shameful.
Shameful = human.
Human = error.
Error = everyone has them.
Everyone has them = Zyada isn’t as dumb as she feels.
Besides, it took me a few moments to catch on to the Target-Archer thing.
Until told otherwise, I assumed that when playing frisbee golf, one whacked the frisbee with a golf club…
Al.
[sub]This, much as I’m ashamed to admit it, is true.[/sub]
A few years back I bought something at WalMart that I didn’t want. But WalMart was all the way across town and I didn’t have a car. Never fear…there’s an affiliate right down the block from me.
“Hello, I’d like to return this item,”
“OK, do you have your sales receipt?”
“Yes, right here.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. You can’t return this here. You’re going to have to go to Wal-Mart for this”
“But that’s all the way across town. I don’t want to do that. You guys work with them, right? You don’t have an exchange program set up or anything?”
“No sir. We don’t. This is Walgreens.”
“Yes, I know. The pharmacy section of WalMart, right?”
“No. We’re not affiliated with them at all.”
“But…see…Wal…um, ok.”
My mom had to explain it to me.
In chronological order too! 
1) I had just spent three days at a Roleplaying Game convention, and around fourteen hours of each day was spent playing some game wherein you could hypnotise, or “enTRANCE” people. I always played characters that could do this because I hate playing characters that could fight - so for three days straight I was enTRANCING things.
The drive home was eight hours, and I hadn’t slept much. I pull over at a gas station to fill up the tank, and while the gas is flowing into my car I’m staring at the doors to the building.
Above the doors in bright pink neon letters, is the word, “ENTRANCE”.
I spent the entire time I was pumping gas, trying to figure out why the building was asking you to enTRANCE stuff. Is this some sort of new gas company? Are they trying to make the point that their gas is so amazingly good it will leave you enTRANCED? Or is it just that neon lighting is relatively rare in this remote part of the country? WTF?
Someone then walks out of the door. And. DUH! It’s not enTRANCE, it’s ENtrance! Like, the door what you go in!
2) A friend of mine found a giant black rock in her back yard. It was huge, but it was relatively light.
She hands it to me and says, “Look, onyx!” I say, “I don’t think it’s onyx.” She says, “Well, why not?” I level my most serious, I’m-so-academically-superior-to-you look upon her, and say, dryly:
“Do you know how much a chunk of onyx this heavy would weigh???”
3) I’m standing at work after a long day, and staring out at the sign across the street.
You know those … well, production companies I guess, with the clever names like “Panavision” or “Sonyvision” or “UniVision”? Well I’m sitting there marvelling at the sheer genius of the new clever name on the sign across the street. I’m wondering why nobody thought of it before, it was such an obvious ingenius brand name of whatever-those-names-are-representing. I mean, I could just see the whole marketing scheme unfolding before my eyes, it was marvelous and I was in utter awe. I was a bit confused as to why, after this marvelous brand name, the words “repair shop” were present. I’m not clear on what the business or product these names sell actually is, but I’m pretty certain there’s no such thing as a “UniVision Repair Shop”, 'cause it just doesn’t make sense!
The “brand name”?
Television.
D’oh!
Now, before another “duh” moment comes upon me, I think I’m going to bed.