So I’m sitting at work all by myself the other day. I work in a music store that used to be a recording studio. The store is set up so there is the big “recording area” in the back of our store, which has a double plated window (one straight and one at an slant) that looks into the behind-the-counter area, and then after that is the showroom with the entrance/exit.
I work the front counter all day so I like to leave the lights off in the recording/office area (which is our office) behind me because it causes a glare on my monitor and makes it difficult to read all of your glorious posts.
It’s been a quiet day and I’m getting ready to shut down and leave. I had read some articles that had kind of given me the willies and was glad to finally get out of there as it’s very cold and quiet as a tomb. I turn the sign on our door, lock it, turn out the lights in the main part of the store and go to walk behind the counter to hit the switch to the last light and freeze in my tracks.
I had glanced up and looked into the window of the recording studio and saw a big man suddenly standing right behind me!
2.5 seconds later I realized I was looking at my reflection in one of the windows and the reflection of Bob Marley from the front of my t-shirt in the slanted window.
Lest you feel like you’re the only douchebag out there, I’ll share my D’oh! experience.
Several years back, I was sitting at my desk at work, hoping for the day to end soon. It was probably about 3pm. I glanced down at the floor, and caught something out of the corner of my eye. Waitaminute. My shoes! They’re two different colors! I had two pairs of Payless pumps - one in navy, one in black. When I got dressed that morning, I was wearing a long black flowered dress. I intended to wear the black pair. Instead, I wore one of each. I started laughing out loud, and since my coworkers overheard me, I had to 'fess up. Thankfully no one had noticed, so they hadn’t been whispering behind my back…
While I felt stupid, that wasn’t quite the D’oh! moment.
Fast forward about a year later. I’m standing at a copy machine at my new job, and someone comes up behind me. She says to me “did you know you’re wearing two different colored shoes?” D’oh! This time I was wearing a navy suit. Intended to wear the navy pair, but again, got one of each.
That night, I went home and threw away the black pair. (I didn’t wear them as often, one of the shoes gave me a blister anyway, and I think I paid a mere $10 for each pair) I vowed right then and there to never own multiple pair of the same style shoes.
This happened last summer. I spent all morning replacing a bunch of dead bushes at my work. My boss came by and said they were on the wrong side of the lot. I held up my property plan and promptly turned it right side up.
Last July the wife and I were at a convention in Los Angeles. We go out to dinner, and on the way back to the hotel stop by a grocery store and grab some snacks and beer for an evening in the the room…um…recreating. We get back to the hotel, and I go to open a beer. Oops! Quality beer…no twistoff top. Well, that’s ok…the bathroom will have a bottle opener attached to the counter. Nope. Too high-class a hotel for something like that. So I look around for a substitute, finally settling on the door latch of the bathroom. I manage to lever the top off of a couple of bottles of Harp, spilling a rather signifigant quantity onto the floor. But hey, they’re open, right? As I return triumphantly to the bed, the wife looks at me, looks at the beer, and says “Don’t you wear a Leatherman tool on your belt? Doesn’t it have a bottle opener?”
D’OH!
Most supermarkets have the unit price listed for their items. But one I’ve been going to uses different units for different brands of the same product in some cases, i.e., price per pound on one and per ounce on another. I usually don’t take a calculator with me, so I multiply the per-ounce price by 16 in my head. This does take some mental effort and the whole thing annoys me.
A couple of weeks ago I realized you can just multiply the price per ounce by 2 four times successively. I’m smart enough to multiply by 16 in my head, but not smart enough to see for years that I was doing it the hard way.
I was in the shower one day, scrubbing my back with my poofy thing. In order to help me reach the hard spots I usually lean against the wall so it pushes my arm further back and around. So I’ve got my right arm up, upper arm against the wall and hand scrubbing lower left shoulder blade. I glance back to my left and see a small, dark thing in motion, and freak out, almost scream, and whip my head around because I think there’s something or someone in the shower with me. A second later I realize… that’s my hand. With my poofy thing. Scrubbing my own back. And I’m a moron.
When my wife and I were Married we moved into her Granfathers house (he had long been dead). Well there was a lot of old neat stuff up in the attic So I decided to go and snoop around up there.
I was bent over looking in a box full of neat junk and I stood up and saw that someone was up there with me… :eek:
I screamed like a twelve year old girl.
Then I realized that I was looking at myself in a big ole dressing mirror. :rolleyes:
Boy, I could probably fill my own thread. :rolleyes:
Ho-kay.
We came home one afternoon and find that maintenance has been using our electricity from a plug out back to do everything. Run the shop vac, power tools, whatever they needed to plug in, they were doing it on my dime. :mad:
To prevent this, I found the breaker inside to turn off that outlet. It also turns off the one in the bathroom. Then my only worry was if the landlord decides to come in while we’re at work and turn it back on (wouldn’t put it past him).
So, I get home after the first day shutting off the breaker and decide I’d better test the outlet just to make absolutely sure it’s off. I plug the blow-dryer into the outlet in the bathroom. Off. Just like I like it.
I take my husband’s brand new electric razor (you see where this is goin?) out back to the other dead outlet, plug it in and the razor comes on!
What the hell?
I called my boss/father figure and tell him what happened to try to figure it out.
It took one question from him: “Well, is the razor also cordless?”
:o
A couple years back, the wife and I were out doing random shopping. When we got back to the Honda, we loaded the car up with our supplies. I was the one driving, so I sat down in the driver’s seat. I sat there for a moment, silent and completely confused. I then said out loud, “Wait. What makes the car go ‘Vroom’?”
I had had a complete brain lapse, and forget the whole concept of “keys”.
I bought a “fake leg” from a joke shop to scare my friends and roommates. I still scare myself with the stupid thing, but the kids won’t let me throw it out.
A couple years ago I was working on an evacuation and emergency measures computer program for a large bank; the plans I had of which I had to make the evacuation routes animations and to locate the dangerous zones and stuff were quite old I had to make a walkthrough of the whole bank guided by a janitor putting down on the plans what was inside this or that room, where there was a fire hose, electrical panel or A/C unit. Since the building occupied a whole block and had 8 levels it took us almost 6 hours to complete the job. When I was done I met the guy in charge of the bank´s infrastructure, he looked down at the several sheets of plans with dozens of annotations each, looked back at me and said “You´re holding the plans upside down” :eek:
Mayor D´oh!
If I ever felt like a dunce that was the day.
I just pictured you getting the ones you saved out of the closet, putting them on, and then realizing you still had one blue shoe and one black shoe - and had thrown away their partners.
I was arriving home from a short commute. I kinda had to pee, but I was almost home. (I have a bad habit of getting a coffee at the drive-through when I set out on a road trip, so this is nothing new). But as I was passing a gas station, I figured I should gas up and save myself the hassle later.
Filled the tank, saw the car was filthy from road grunge, and decided to take it through the car wash while I was there.
Finished the last, cold dregs of my extra-extra-super-big coffee, punched my code into the panel and the car wash, and drove my car in for the super-long-takes-forever wash with fancy-purple wax.
FWOOSH! The sign said, “now starting the pre-soak”…
Dopers… never, ever, ever take your car through the car wash when you really have to pee!
Man, Eats Crayons, I thought I was the only one who’d learned THAT lesson (along with “Never buy the 144 ounce SuperMegaGulp When You’re In The Middle of Alabama”).
Had a minor one today. Put a round steak in a pan and covered in in marinade. When I fliped it after a couple hours, I saw that I was also marinating that little sponge thingy they put in with the meat when they package it…
I had a job interview in a part of town with which I am not too familiar, so I drove there early. I located the building I needed to find quickly, and as I had about 30 minutes before I had to show up at the interview, I decided to stop at the grocery store and pick up a few things while I killed some time.
As I didn’t know the layout of this store, it took me longer than I had planned to find everything… I glanced at the time only to find that I had just enough time to pay for my purchases, hop in the car, drive over to the interview place, and calm myself for the interview.
But I was thirsty.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a display of plastic bottles of coffee… perfect! I grabbed a mocha, and dashed to the checkout line. I paid, ran out to the car, and quickly drove over to the building I needed. Just in time!
Still thirsty, though, so I reached in the bag and pulled out my coffee. I opened it, still sitting in the car and looking up at the building. Trying to guess which floor I needed to go to, I took a huge swig from the plastic bottle… of mocha-flavored Coffee Mate[sup]TM[/sup]!
This happened around 1996, IIRC. I’ll never forget the time I thought my car was stolen and was ready to call the cops. The night before I had moved my car from the driveway out to the street as a friend who needed to park his truck in my driveway was coming over to do some kind of work on my house (a trailer at the time). I left my car where it was after my friend left. The next morning when I was getting ready to go to work I looked outside as I always did to see what the weather was like. When I noticed my car wasn’t in the driveway and thought to be missing I shouted “WHERE THE F*CK’S MY CAR??!!” In a complete state of panic I nearly picked up the phone to call the police before I remembered parking my car out front. Big “Duh!” moment if you ask me (I wish we’d get that damn “smack” smiley back.)
Heh. I’ve done that “Oh my God, my car’s been stolen!” thing before. Our car was in the shop overnight, a fact that I somehow forgot the next morning when I opened the backdoor and saw a carless driveway. I yelled for my husband before I remembered where the car was.
And I can’t even count how many times I’ve reached for the remote to turn on the TV and check the weather during a power outage. Duh.
In order to mail order something or other I had to send a coupon in an envelope. The send-to address was printed on the coupon.
What I did was copy the address on a piece of paper. Stuck the coupon in the envelope. Sealed the envelope. Then copied the address from the piece of paper onto the envelope.
:o