Dumb Yankees (those gators are real!)

The BBQ Pit
1

This isn’t a Yankees-are-dumb thread. I’m only pitting the dumb ones. (You know who you are.) :wink:

Driving across a state preserve in Florida (yeah, we put roads across them… dumb Crakers!) – the car ahead of us, with NY tags, suddenly swerves to the shoulder and comes to an abrupt stop.

Driver: “Should we stop?”
Me: “Yeah.”

We do. I roll down the passenger side window, lean out and discover… what they’ve stopped for is a good-sized (maybe 8-foot) old mossy-backed gator that’s come out of the ditch next to the road.

Now get this. Dad is emerging from the driver’s side with his camera. Mom is out already, opening the back door, calling to the kids, and herding them toward the gator!

I say, “Hey, those things can move pretty quick. Y’all might want to get back in your car.”

Dad says something I can’t understand, but obviously dismissive. They pay us no attention and continue to approach the gator.

Luckily, old leatherskin wants nothing to do will all the ruckus, slides back into the flooded ditch and out the other side and is lost in the brush.

We shake our heads and drive on.

Reminds me of when I used to live down there and every year it seemed some freshman at the university ignored the huge signs by the lake and got their dog turned into lunch.

And all the snowbirds who decide to come on down, buy a house in a reclaimed swamp, and are shocked when a gator shows up in their back yard. I got news for you – the gator didn’t come into your yard… you brought your yard to the gator! I have no sympathy whatsoever for folks who buy land in a remote state and don’t do their due diligence. Which is why I always supported a state income tax, to keep those idiots out.

So listen up, all you dumb Yankees out there – the State of Florida is not a theme park! Got it?

<And I don’t want to hear that not all Northerners are Yankees. They are to us. When I lived overseas, I was a Yankee. That’s how they used the word. And this is how we use the word. Deal with it.>

Thus endeth the rant.

2

You do know those will be the same idiots on the today show crying and saying, “We had no idea that *crocodiles could eat our two kids! Now we’re suing Florida!”
*Yes, I understand the difference between a croc and gator- I’m just wagering the people in the OP don’t.

3

[dumbYankee]
"But it’s in a Wildlife Preserve! These things are tame 'cause people drive through here and feed them all the time! Where’s the giftshop? I wanna get a t-shirt for Aunt Alice. [/dumbYankee] :rolleyes:

4

Heh. Florida is a nice place but the wilderness does get up close and personal compared to (most of) up here. In Jersey they’ve got a problem with black bears–or rather the poor bears have a problem with us–but everybody knows to hustle the kids and doggies inside when they see one. I may be a Bronx gal but I respect Nature and the things in it that can bite or claw or eat me or even make me smell bad until I bathe in tomato juice. I don’t know what’s wrong with these Darwin Award contestants you saw but I hear they got them out West too.

I stayed with a cousin outside Sarasota once–armadillos who are born dead on the road, golf course with gator pond in back, wild boars digging giant circles in the lawn every night. My favorite time was when I saw a green light crossing the lawn and my cousin said quickly, “Carolyn, just turn around and go quietly back into the house. Now.” He followed me, closed the door, and then told me I’d seen my first cougar.

:cool:

5

Cougars are really green lights? I seem to be missing something here…

6

I believe they are referring to the eye of the cougar.

Oh man, I just read that last sentence and started singing Eye of the Tiger. I need sleep. :wally

7

It’s the eye of the tiger
It’s the thrill of the fight
Rising up to the challenge of our rival
And the last known survivor
Stalks his prey in the night
And he’s watching us all
With the eye of the tiger

8

Sample, you sure you’re not Carl Hiaasen?

9

Who’s that?

I’m not saying if I am or I ain’t… just want to know who it is first.

10

Huh, most of Florida is already resettled “Yankee” territory already.
Deal with it.

11

No, it’s not. Large chunks of the coast are. But nowhere near “most of Florida”.

I did. I got the flunk out! :smiley:

12

Real Floridians know that this is how all gators react to being harassed. They are far too lazy to attack and eat an entire family of tourists. (I almost wish some tourists would get eaten, because it would raise the common sense level of the others. But it’s not likely.)

I used to caddy and part of the daily grind was to wrangle gators off the fairway, some up to 12 feet or more. It’s not very complicated: walk up to them waving a golf club, and chant the magical incantation “Yah! Shoo!” Most Yankee golfers in my experience get a bit squeamish when their ball lands near a big ass gator taking a siesta.

13

And of course that makes me then think:

Roy! Roy! Roy! Roy!
Roy! Roy! Roy!
Roy! Roy! Roooy!
Roy’s the man, goin to work.
Got his tie, got ambition…

14

You mean the hairless doggy with the lumpy skin?

15

You claim to be a Florida Cracker and you don’t know who Carl Hiaasen is? :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

I hereby sentence you to live among yankees for six months, or until you post a complete book report on Tourist Season.

16

Oh, we do. If you go to the Bison Range (about 45 minutes up the road from Missoula), and go in the visitor center, one of the first things you’ll see is a wall with a bunch of photocopied news stories about people being seriously injured or killed by bison. Sure, most of the stories are from Yellowstone, but a few are from the Bison Range itself. One of the stories (Yellowstone, I think) concerned a family of Japanese tourists; the father wanted to put his 1-year-old son on a bison’s back and take a picture. Needless to say, the child was killed, I think the wife was killed, and the husband was very seriously injured. It’s amazing; just because they’re in an official park, they think the animals are tame. As if the animals can tell the difference.

17

We Yanks get our share of clueless tourists as well. Many is the time when some obnoxious drunken baseball fan near Fenway Park would ask me “Where’s Cheers?” I would usually reply “Two blocks up that street, turn left, it’s right there, you can’t miss it.” All while pointing in a random direction.

Tee hee!

18

As John Carter and RTA point out, although I’m a Florida native, have family there (north, central, and south), and lived there for many years of my teen and adult life, I don’t qualify as a “true Floridian”. I’ll admit this myself.

And yes, I used to do my share of harassing the gators when I was a dumb kid – come to think of it, some of it w/ the fellow who was driving. And it wasn’t dumb b/c it was dangerous (we were usually in canoes) but b/c the gators deserve to be left alone. Nevertheless, I wouldn’t herd my little kids toward one that was lively enough to be crawling about by the roadside. It’s the little kids that are unpredictable, and you just never know…

19

I’ve seen a gator in action while camping in the Everglades with cub scouts. My father took me to a pond he knew about, and a deer came out of the brush. The deer walked cautiously to the water’s edge, looked around, and went for a drink.

It never saw it coming.

We were both impressed. After watching that, I am convinced that to the gators, we are nothing but tasty snacks.

20

People don’t realize how fast a gator can move. I wouldn’t challenge one to a forty yard dash, I can tell you that. I’ve always feared being on the scene when a tourist would pick up a baby gator. Once it squeaks, moma gator comes to see whats wrong and you don’t want to be holding one of her babies when she shows up. A person wouldn’t stand a chance, even though all the moma wants is her baby back.