It wasn’t unintentionally funny, nor were there a confluence of words or poorly placed images that made it amusing, but it was just a complete non-sequitur. I had to stop in to the variety store near my work before heading in, and on the outside window was an ad that read:
…because when I think of chips, chocolate, and/or wafers, the first thing that comes to mind is a long drive around the province.
This is a government-sponsored Ontario tourism website. That ad made no flippin’ sense whatsoever. Did it have something to do with the fact that the ad was in the window of a convenience store? Because that doesn’t clear a damn thing up either.
So what useless and/or ineffective ads have you seen lately?
There’s an ad for Aero (canuck chocolate) bars showing two women enjoying a bar while a guy looks on. Tagline: “Aero – guys just don’t get it.”
I’d never considered there was anything gender-specific about the bar before, but now I guess it’s being promoted as a “chick thing.” I guess buying one is like walking up the checkout with a box of maxipads. Who knew?
Those mattress ads about everyone having their own “sleep number.” I’ve been watching them for nearly two years now, and I still have no idea what they’re talking about.
Actually, it’s a pretty good concept, although I wouldn’t spend the money to buy one.
The bed comes with two control dials, one for each side of the bed. You set the amount of “firmness” by adjusting the number on the dial. If you like to sleep on a bed that is hard as a board, and your spouse likes a bed she can sink down into, you can each set your own “sleep number” and be comfortable on the same bed.
On the subject of dumb ads, what is it with those Geico ads with the kid who acts like a hard-ass race car driver? Is this some sort of NASCAR in-joke that I’m missing? (I don’t remember ever seeing them before I moved down to NC last October, and I’m still bemused by all the NASCAR-related promotional products that permeate the ads here.) There’s no mention of auto insurance during the ad itself, and only reason I know they’re for Geico is that the Geico logo is shown at the end. What particularly confuses me is the one where he talks about running some other driver into the wall if he gets a chance, then shows him doing it with a go-cart, a shopping cart, and a remore-controlled boat.
Picture this: A guy is walking down the street and gets mowed over by a 10’ beach ball. He manages to get on top of the beach ball as it goes by. He then rides on top of the beach ball through the streets of San Francisco. The ad ends with the slogan “More Happy”. Different commercial, same premise. Except, this time, we have a 100’ beach ball and it is getting passed around by crowds of people and a whale. Once again the ad ends with “More Happy”.
What in the name of Thor’s bleeding asshole makes Pepsi think that these 30 sec slots of drivel will make me want to buy their soda?
Picture an American Flag flying while inspirational music plays.
(This is paraphrased)
“On 9/11 terrorists attacked our great nation. As patriots, we banded together to heal the country. The American spirit is now stronger than ever. And now it’s time to put that spirit to use helping your fellow citizens. Blaine Beauty School can help you to reach your full potential. Enroll today!”
And though I had the sound off, I saw this infomercial the other day – here is what I believe they were saying:
“Muscle Rip 2000, we guarantee that with our DVD, for just an hour a day, you’ll have ripped pecs and bulging biceps in just 90 days. For just three easy payments of 29.95, you too can be muscular. Girls will love you! Let’s listen to this testimonial from Reverend Jim Schumbski: ‘I used to be fat and out of shape. But now I’m totally hot, before God and everybody!’ But wait! That’s not all. For an additional three easy payments of 19.95, get the Holy Bible plus Nutrition on DVD. It’s inpirational for the whole family, and includes great recipe ideas! Call today!”
The most ridiculous part of this ad is how the spokespersons name (cant remember but i think she is mostly famous for being in lifetime made for tv movies) and then her “sleep number” come up on the screen after a comma which makes it look like its her age. Her sleep number is something like 34 and everytime I see it I’m like “fuck me running that bitch is NOT 34”
When the Levitra ads first came out they didn’t use the phrase “male enhancement” It was just this ex football player (or coach?) talking about “getting back in the game” they never say ANYTHING that isn’t extremely broad or vague. The images are of him tossing around a football so I just figured it was for arthritis or something.
I feel like I’m seeing a lot of ads recently featuring nasty, spoilt little kids. Of course, everyone’s seen the one with the little turds playing cards in the minivan and dismissing dad, who has built them a treehouse (“Does it have leather seats?” “Does it have a DVD player?”).
There’s another ad, for Home Depot, I think, where the teen girl says to her dad, “What’s up with these kitchen cabinets? And we need a new fridge…this one’s old.” Stupid Dad actually considers her opinion, teen girl is slipped money by Bitch Mom on her way out.
Another, for some local cable company, has a variety of children explaining to their parents how lame the parents are for not getting the good kind of Internet service, especially since it’s so cheap and the parents are such misers. It ends with the kids saying, “Until you get such-and-such, I’ll be at the Wilson’s!”
I definitely don’t want to buy stuff that will please these brats!
It couldn’t have been 34. Watch the ads again, everybody’s sleep number is divisible by 5. I think their market research said that labeling the knob 5, 10, 15,… 100 looked more adjustable (and more expensive) than 1-20.
If anybody wants to make the Spinal Tap reference, go ahead.
