Yes, and I don’t want to sound like I’m saying less educated men can’t be stimulating conversation partners. I’ve met plenty who are.
I’m just saying if I had to choose between money or education I’d choose education. My husband and I went to the same college but our interests and fields of study were different. We learn stuff from each other all the time. Someone who makes a lot of money but isn’t highly educated is probably going to be into business, which, yech. Not a subject that interests me.
My daughter dated a lot but didn’t marry till she was 38. To a man who was and is one of the kindest people I have ever met. He is college grad, while she has an MSc, but I don’t think that’s relevant. I have no idea who makes more, but I really doubt that is important to them.
One of my sons is married to an MD who likely makes a lot more than he does, but I don’t think that’s ever been an issue. He supported her through med school and she is still paying off her debts. My other son is married to a SAHM, but he walked away from Microsoft with probably $10M in options so that is not an issue. He actually seriously discussed with my wife and me the fact that she is noticeably less intelligent that he is. She is, but has a lot of good sense and we love her dearly.
That’s unfortunate. People do tend to get on better when they’re relatively matched in intelligence.
My husband might be a bit smarter than me overall, but there are areas of focus where I’m much smarter than him, so it evens out. But the gap between us is probably not that big. When I don’t understand something - let’s say a research study or something -I give him my initial thoughts to see if they make sense. If I’m way off, I ask him to explain it, and he does, and I understand the explanation and can jump off from there. We frequently share articles in Discord to discuss later. That whole back and forth about things we’ve learned that day is really important to me.
I do not in any way mean to imply so. My speculation is more centered around sorts of interests and values in particular regarding roles. And I in no way mean to overgeneralize; there are many broadly curious progressive less well educated men and many sexist and incurious PhDs (let alone MDs!). I think a career in “the trades” is an undervalued option that more should seriously consider instead of massive college debt. But there are statistical trends that exist, that become more apparent I suspect as women increasingly are more likely to be more highly educated than are men.
I don’t either. I was born in 1976, and I grew up having to do things like vacuum, do the dishes, and other domestic chores which I continued doing when I got my first apartment. I really didn’t think about how the chores would be divided once I got married but I certainly didn’t expect my wife to take over. But after 2-3 years of marriage I kind of stopped doing a lot of the house work because I got tired of being constantly corrected.
My wife and I don’t accomplish tasks in the same manner but only one of us is fussy about how things get done. And just to be clear, I’m not feigning incompetence in an effort to get out of doing chores. Whether I’m doing laundry, dishes, or even vacuuming, she feels the need to tell me how to accomplish these simple tasks and I really hate being micromanaged. A few years ago I was making Jambalaya from a Zatarain’s box and she felt the need to give me instructions on how to do it. Maybe this situation is particular to my marriage, but I wonder if other men experience something similar.
And just so we’re clear, my wife thinks she’s being helpful when she tells me how to do things. Her mother does the same thing and I get a kick out of my wife when she complains about it.
Is part of the problem that women are still expected to marry up? i.e. That they’re supposed to marry someone who is more educated than they are and likely makes more?
People vary a great deal. Reducing a complex and decision to these two factors is simplistic. Attraction is sometimes based on intangibles and even on available alternatives. There are several traits that I personally value more than income or formal education, though education is of some importance. I believe the same is true of many women.
Kindness? Connection? Intelligence? Social skills? Parenting skills? Ability to provide? Ability to be supportive? Similar values? Similar goals? Attractive appearance? Common interests? No one is perfect, or the same, or would necessarily concentrate just on those two traits. Plenty of educated people are not very progressive. Plenty of smart and successful people do not have university degrees.
And yet that swipe is made one direction or the other …
And of that list very few are bits of information available. Not until the person has had a date or so if then. So sure height and figure, cute smile, hair or lack thereof, they are there. But things like intelligence parenting skills and ability to provide are best guesses informed by what they do know.
I’d agree with the OP but I’d phrase it slightly differently than education level.
For example, it can be difficult for two people to relate together if one person has visited dozens of countries and the other doesn’t even have a passport. Or one person has a job that involves making complex analytical decisions and the other person just has anecdotes about having to deal with an aggressive customer.
Not impossible, but these things make it harder for people to relate and just hold a conversation.
Meanwhile money…I think you can date someone for a long time before realising they earn significantly more or less. There are people on half my salary that live in houses that look twice as nice
I think I’m the apps where your swipe right or left, people are mostly going off physical appearance, and neither money nor education has a strong influence.
There’s actually research on that, and, not shockingly, men and women behave differently. It doesn’t bear on my question of income v education level as it lumps the two together into one dimension of “resource acquisition ability”:
Which does not mean that physical features are not a larger variable, on an app or IRL, but controlling for that education and income is evaluated and of import in the app context, much more for women evaluating potential male dates than the other way around.
On online dating apps, the term used is sapiosexual.
Seconded. My ex-wife declared that certain parts of the house were “hers” (the master bedroom and the kitchen), and she had the final say on what happened there.
I’ve heard of a meme referring to the desirability of a man who is a “triple 6: 6 feet, 6 inches, and 6 figures”
Societal pressure on men is real. Another thing I saw online, that sounds apt:
Japan has their 3 Highs, but Korean women have 4 Bs. While gathering more notice than actual participants (with plenty of Western women TikToking about it), it’s brought light to the raw deal they’ve been getting.
Consumerism is a greater oppressor than Patriarchy, IMHO, but it’s easier to reject guys than to reject all the nice stuff.
