I, Brainlego, hereby forge the Union of Effete Pansies, on this day, April 2nd, 2001. I open membership to all that can prove their wussiness.
Why do I form such an alliance? Because the strong have dominated since the dawn of time, stealing our lunch money, and making fun of our attempts at leading a clean, safe life.
What are the conditions of membership? Firstly, you must prove yourself to be a complete and utter pansy. You must show at least one incident that proves your unmanlihood.
Secondly, you may be of either sex, but joining and possessing two X chromosomes would lead to some confusion, especially to the name of the organization (the ‘effete’ part, in particular…). Female membership is discouraged, but it doesn’t matter, since pretty much anyone can take me.
Thirdly, you must acknowledge me as Supreme Wuss, and pay a weekly sacrifice of meatless microwaveable dinners and diet Pepsi unto me.
If you meet all of those conditions satisfactorily, you may claim membership in the UEP. Alone, we are weak. In massive hordes, we are strong. UNITE!
I would try to fight these insinuations, but my trick knee is acting up and my beddy-time milktoast has nearly choked the air out me.