The Unholy Lesbian Vampire Army of the Night is now beginning it’s Samhain recruitment drive. To join, you must meet one or more of the following critera:
Be unholy
Be lesbian
Be a vampire
Be in an army
Be of the night.
Of course, we also welcome members in our sister organization, the Unholy Lesbian Vampire Coast Guard of the Night, as well as the children’s group, the Unholy Lesbian Vampire Girl Scouts of the Late Afternoon.
Anthracite is our Dark Queen. I am the Dark Princess, and I am loyal to the Queen…for the moment. The goals of the group center around debauchery, corruption, and something involving nubile virgins. Members are expected to garner throngs of adoring followers as soon as possible.
As your friendly ULVAN rep, I am happy to answer questions. Sign up today!
Not necisarily. Anthrite has assured me that being a lesbain in a man’s body could get me in on a technicality.
I’m kind of vauge on the “Of the Night” angle, though. Is this inherent, or can one become of the Night through effort? Is there certification involved at some point? Is there some kind of program available to aid someone in becoming of the Night? Remidial, maybe?
Of the night refers to those of us who keep late hours. It can be loosely interpreted- we want as many people as possible. We’re amazingly flexible… in so many different ways.
If you do want to be formally certified as “of the night”, though, I recommend the Dartmouth College “we’ll put loud people outside of your bedroom at three am” plan, which is known for it’s success rate. Alternately, you could take care of small children, be an all hours sex machine, or simply not want to go to bed. There are, to say the least, many ways to become of the night.
A misspelling? In one of MY posts? Surely you jest. As I frequently do, however, I slipped and used a correct, (but inapropriate) regional spelling. The region, in this case, being a small island in the north Pacific, populated exclusivly by fantastic beasts, and people with two heads but no body hair. Quite a nice place, actually. Those austrailian military hats there with the ties on the side are popular there, for some reason.
Although I am neither a lesbian nor a vampire, I am a night person who is interested in maritime safety and enforcement issues involving undead individuals with same-sex attraction. Could you please provide more information on joining the ULVCGN.
If you’re accepting applications for unholy bisexual creatures of the night, I’m in! Can I be the minister of propaganda? I’m kinda anti-violence… but agit-prop is so much more fun, and I’m good at it.
I volunteer to be the first nubile virgin to be sexually utilised as you see fit. Admittedly, I am male, but that just puts the whole Unholy aspect into a clearer light, doesn’t it?
I mean, what could be more unholy for a lesbian than a hetero sex-fest?
I should have made this more clear… you don’t have to meet all of the requirements. Just one is enough. Heck, you don’t even have to be a lesbian. It makes things more interesting.
